If you watched the Transformers movie, then you’ll have noticed how sexy Megan Fox is.

Well, maybe not. Maybe you’ll have been too busy noticing how much enjoyment Michael Bay was taking in stomping all over your beloved childhood memories by filling the movie with piddle jokes and confusing Ebonics-speaking robots who enjoy watching teenagers have sex. Anyhow, Megan Fox was also in Transformers and she was sexy.

And that sexiness is official, because the results of FHM‘s 100 Sexiest Women In The World poll has just been released, and Megan Fox is number one. Congratulations, then, to Megan Fox, who can now go to sleep at night knowing that more gawky teenage boys furiously masturbate to disturbing imagined adolescent sexual scenarios involving her than anyone else. Masturbate and then cry. Or is that just us?

There’s no doubt that Megan Fox has a huge future in Hollywood. If she plays her cards right, there’s nothing  to stop Megan Fox from becoming the new Angelina Jolie. She could be bigger than Angelina Jolie, even, because she doesn’t go on TV and get all ‘boo hoo hoo’ about starving Africans all the time.

Megan Fox is certainly sexy enough to become a huge star, because she’s just been named as FHM‘s sexiest woman in the world – the premier poll to help teenage boys develop life-long ingrained unrealistic expectations of women… in the world.

We know, we know – just last month we were telling you that Katherine Heigl was the sexiest woman in the world and now we’re telling you it’s Megan Fox. But don’t be confused – Heigl came top of a poll of ideal potential girlfriends, whereas Megan Fox has won a poll of women who lonely men would like to sleep with once but never enter into a lasting relationship with because trying to have a conversation with them would be like trying to have a conversation with a brain-damaged monkey. Subtle difference. Anyway, The Associated Press reports:

Megan Fox is the sexiest woman in the world — at least according to FHM magazine… Fox debuted on the annual list in 2006 at No. 68 and ranked at No. 65 in 2007. Joining her in the top 10 this year are — in descending order — Jessica Biel, Alba, Elisha Cuthbert, Scarlett Johansson, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff, Tricia Helfer, Blake Lively and Kate Beckinsale. Britney Spears came in last place at No. 100.

That’s quite a list for someone as young as Megan Fox to come out on top of. It also goes to show what sort of a career Megan Fox can expect to have with all this new-found male attention – she can either go the way of 2007 winner Jessica Alba and make a string of massively unsuccessful movies or she can go the way of 2006 winner Scarlett Johansson and make, um, a string of massively unsuccessful movies. The sky’s the limit, Megan!

Oh, OK, we shouldn’t be too hard on Megan Fox. It’s not her fault that she’s pretty, is it? And maybe one day she’ll even prove that there’s more to her than looking like a dead-eyed, quite expensive inflatable sex doll. Let’s not forget that nine million men voted in FHM‘s 100 Sexiest Women list, and you know what they say – nine million men can’t be wrong. Unless they all read FHM.

Read more:

Megan Fox tops FHM’s sexiest women list – AP

Forget everything you know, because Heather Mills is sexy, and if that's true then we need to rethink everything.

Seriously, although she's screechy and can act a little bit mental at times, Heather Mills looks set to make FHM's 100 Sexiest Women list this year.

Needless to say, most of the reason why Heather Mills has been classified as sexy is because of those soft porn shoots she did 20 years ago. But answer us this – if being photographed spraying whipped cream on your knockers and fellating a red jelly penis while making your unusually hairy genitalia as visible as possible is now sexy, then why aren't we in FHM's 100 sexiest women list? Did we do all that for nothing?

Admit it – when you saw Heather Mills on GMTV that time squeaking out the word 'paedophile' over and over again like a morally outraged chinchilla, your first thought wasn't "My, this woman's gone doolally," but "PHWOOOAR!"

And instead of using your hands to cover up your face the first time you saw that picture of Heather Mills pointing at a pig, you clenched your fist and started doing that sex-pump thing that happens a lot in British 1970s sex comedies starring Robin Askwith.

No? You didn't? You saw Heather Mills' wonky mouth that's never learnt how to smile convincingly and wondered what Paul McCartney ever really saw in her? Us too. But if we're all busy thinking that, then who's been voting for Heather Mills in FHM's annual 100 sexiest women list?

Well, teenage boys, obviously, because a) it's FHM and b) you could grease up Nick Nolte, pop him in a bikini and most teenage boys would be able to grit their teeth and force out at least one solitary grim wank over the ensuing pictures if they ever got in FHM. But we're straying from the point. Heather Mills is sexy and it's downright confusing. OK reports:

Heather Mills could be named one of the world’s sexiest women, thanks to her bitter divorce battle. Astonishingly, she is beating actress Kirsten Dunst, 25, singer Gwen Stefani, 38, and Paris Hilton, 27, in a major poll… It will give her a boost as she waits to hear how much a court awards her in her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney, 65. FHM’s Chris Bell said: “With her power suits and model looks, thousands have realised Heather’s about to become the world’s most eligible – and richest – single woman.”

Power suits? Model looks? Perhaps Chris Bell meant 'constant infuriating facial expression' and 'willingness to take her clothes off for cash', unless he's describing a different Heather Mills that we don't know about.

But what the hell, let's just along with FHM's sick little ruse. Perhaps millions of boys really do find Heather Mills sexy. Perhaps they long for the day when Heather Mills accuses them of stabbing her with a wineglass before claiming to need £10,000 a day from them to survive. Perhaps they long to be that red jelly penis from Freuden der Liebe that Heather Mills seemed to find so delicious 20 years ago. Perhaps, basically, young people are idiots.

However, let's not underestimate the continued animosity between Heather Mills and Paul McCartney. Paul is bound to be distraught at all the positive publicity that FHM is handing to Heather Mills, and a fightback is inevitable. So look out for the April issue of Simply Knitting magazine, where we hear he's leading the pack in its 100 Sexiest Men Who Look More And More Like Your Elderly Grandmother With Every Passing Day list.

Read more:

SEXY HEATHER'S A PIN-UP! – OK