Bad news, all unfertilised sperm – the chances of you splattering into one of Naomi Campbell’s ovums has just increased exponentially.

That’s because Naomi Campbell has just recovered from an operation on her baby-making parts that’s allowed her to have children for the first time in her life. And, by God, does Naomi Campbell ever want children – she’s all over the press at the moment basically telling the world that she wants someone to knock her up.

And when Naomi Campbell tell you she wants to get pregnant, you’d better make sure you get her pregnant quicksmart, or else there’ll be trouble. And no looking her in the eye during it. And she’d better not feel it going in, otherwise you’ll be picking shards of Nokia out of your face for the next six months. Understand?