Articles tagged with: Fergie
Hey, remember that time that Josh Duhamel was accused of cheating on Fergie by boning a stripper? Sure you do. It only happened a week ago. What? You've forgotten already, on the basis that Josh Duhamel is the dullest man who's ever lived? You think that wasting even a drop of brainpower on someone as inherently dreary as Josh Duhamel is a criminal misuse of humanity's potential? Yeah, us too, actually. But tough, because the stripper who Josh Duhamel allegedly had his ferociously mundane way with isn't letting go of her moment in the spotlight. She's publicly apologised to Fergie for having sex with her husband, whatever his name is. We've forgotten already. That's how boring he is.
We know what you're thinking - why would Josh Duhamel even think about cheating on Fergie with a stripper? Well, let's count the ways. First, both Josh Duhamel and Fergie are apart a lot. Then there's the knowledge that he'd be having sex with someone statistically less likely to burst into My Humps during orgasm. And also, if you enjoy having sex with people with a fondness for crystal meth - like Fergie does - but you don't enjoy hearing them bang on about it all the time - like Fergie does - then where do you go? That's right, the strip club. Nevertheless, Josh Duhamel says that he definitely didn't have sex with a stripper, even though the stripper says he definitely did.
Fergie from Black Eyed Peas goes by many names - Fergie, Stacey Ferguson, The Duchess, The Poundstretcher Madonna. But now she's also Mrs Duhamel. On Saturday Fergie married dangerously minor actor Josh Duhamel during a beautiful ceremony in Malibu. So, you know, if you thought you'd heard the story about how Fergie took crystal meth as a kid too often, have a little sympathy for Josh Duhamel - he'll have to hear it every day until he dies. Best of all though, every single D-lister who's ever walked the earth saw Fergie and Duhamel get married. Oh Sarin, you're never there when you're needed.
Like many people, when we have genuinely serious problems our first thought is "Why isn't there a tubby out-of-touch ginger posho millionaire around to shriek patronising advice at us?"
Luckily, one poverty-stricken family in Hull will be getting that exact treatment. Minor royal and all-around annoyance Fergie is going to live with them to help shine a light on what life's like for the cruel minority who, for whatever reason, don't live in massive New York penthouse apartments.
Fergie's doing this for a new ITV reality show, of course, called The Duchess In Hull. It'll be broadcast in the summer, backed by an ITV2 spin-off show called Someone Get Me The Bleach, One Of Them Just Touched Me And I Don't Want To Catch AIDS.
Having their San Diego gig halted by local police was no big deal for Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas. She dedicated the group's hit song Where is the Love? to the unmoved law enforcers before strolling off stage and urinating into her Spandex hotpants.
Though in actual fact Fergie has not lost control of her faculties during a live show for quite some time. Apparently she has done so many sit-ups her bladder has regressed into her cleavage, where it occasionally swells up for photo shoots and pre-coital heaving.
During their Tuesday gig to promote the opening of the Hard Rock hotel in the city, The Black Eyed peas - consisting of Fergie, apl.de.ap, Taboo, will.i.am, Conceited.com, Boba Fett and Haile Selassie - were bobbing away like an elderly pantomime troupe until San Diego police pulled their plug for exceeding noise levels.
