female boss - HecklerSpray

Tulisa Runs Away To USA Where They Don’t Have The Internet Or Sarcasm

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Leave it! Two two’s naaah! Tulisa Contostavlos is fleeing the UK to hide away in the US after being repeatedly mocked over her sex tape with MC Ultra. Mainly because she doesn’t appear to be very good at giving gobbles.

The X Factor judge is planning to escape by heading to Miami to visit ?Terius Nash (or, The-Dream to you) who clearly doesn’t have the clout to be sarcastic about her sex tape and indeed, mustn’t have an internet connection like the rest of America.

So what’s The Female Boss (Female Nosh more like) saying about it all?

N-Dubz Fazer Incoherently Vomits Into Twitter Concerning Tulisa Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

We’ve all seen the ALLEGED Tulisa sextape by now, haven’t we? If you have she’s ALLEGEDLY not very good at blow-jobs. And she ALLEGEDLY likes hitting herself on her ALLEGED forehead with a penis.

Anyway, it’s all gone a bit mental and injunctions have been taken out, Dappy has said it was definitely her in the video and that it was bandmate Fazer who had his widger on show.

So what does Fazer have to say about it? Well, in a baffling missive, Fazer has vented on twitter in such a manner that he may well have been typing with his cockie.

Obligatory Mention Of Tulisa’s Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

So, Tulisa has a sex tape does she? Of course, lawyers are saying it isn’t her (although the video contains someone with the exact same DNA as the X Factor judge, it seems) and everyone is hastily taking down stills from the video.

That’d be the video which has Tulisa’s dead-ringer sucking what appears to be (actually is) an engorged male member. Apparently, the phallus whacks her on the forehead at one point, which is always nice.

But of course, legally speaking, it isn’t her… despite what Dappy – her bandmate and cousin – said on twitter, dropping her right in it. Just think of that. Watching your cousin’s sex tape. How very, very tasteful.

Begin The Self-Harming! N-Dubz Have Split!

March 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Oh god, all of our worst fears have come true. Worse than being trapped in a lift with Kris Akabusi and Ainsley Harriot… worse than watching a sex tape with James Blunt… N Dubz have split up.

We’re uncontrollably upset. This is grade-A grieving. Snot bubbles, sticking heads in the oven, scratching the eyes out of photographs uproarious sorrow.

And how did we find it out? Why, through the portal of sin, Twitter. And once again, Tulisa was the one doing all the talking.

Tulisa Hits Miami Strip Club And Gets Pictured With A Massive Boob

February 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Tulisa Contosatvlos is many things. She’s an average singer. She’s got stuff written on her arm which sounds like female empowerment, but doesn’t actually make sense. She’s a TV judge. She’s a perfume vendor. She doesn’t know what rock music is.

Ostensibly, she’s the new Alesha Dixon then. Weight Watchers awaits.

Either way, Tulisa has gone off to America to record her solo album and while she was there, she went with her team to a strip-club to see some female bosses giggling their shop-floor around in people’s faces. While she was there, Tulisa was photographed with a boob right next to her face! CRIKEY!

Ofcom Chides ITV For Flogging Tulisa?s Rank perfume (Gervais Can Say ?Mong? As Much As He Pleases)

January 24th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

OfCom, the protector of modern decency and punisher of all who swear at Manuel from Fawlty Towers, have ruled that ITV were breaking the rules when they let Tulisa waggle her arm at the cameras.

And not in a Rebel Without a Cause, sexy, doing it with the lights on, leaving the lid off the margarine and swearing at the Pope kind of rule-breaking way, oh no.

They were breaking broadcasting rules, which are as old and fierce as time itself. Unless you're Ricky Gervais, and you want to insult disabled people, obviously.

Dappy Slags Off X-Factor, Simon Cowell Must Be Quaking In His Expensive Shoes

December 15th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If you know someone who's doing well, you'd be there for them, right? Always showering them with praise or offering words of encouragement when stuff goes a little bit pear-shaped. Anyone with a heart would anyway.

But is everything we see even real? We?ll never know if the smiles and waves that were directed to Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud were designed to be positive encouragement? Or pile loads of unneeded pressure upon her shoulders so she'd fail and spend a few months in rehab?

For this year?s X-Factor, Tulisa and Kelly Rowland stepped in for Cheryl and Dannii Minogue. We assume that Beyonce was too busy faking a child bump or something to care about her friend Kelly?s progress on the show. As for Tulisa, her fellow members of N-Dubz have been quiet on celebrating her success. Well we say that, Dappy has now decided to voice his opinion on more than just the show.

Dappy Arrested After His Girlfriend Gets Black Eye (Tales Of The No Frills Chris Brown)

October 10th, 2011 By Robin Darke

Can you remember last year when Chris Brown bit and punched Rihanna so much that she needed to go into hospital? Punched and bit her so hard that she needed to go into hospital. Punched and bit her. The superstar called Rihanna. That she needed to go to hospital.

Well, she got on with her life and went on to release the anthem for Alzheimers Disease ?What's My Name,? which has the best use of an odd coloured blazer since Hi-De-Hi. Whereas he has released some pretty substandard dance tracks that seem to be very similar to Calvin Harris.

Not that we're saying that he's copying Calvin Harris at all. Just that the songs are very similar. So similar that if you were to listen to one, you may think its Calvin Harris. Either way, no-one would think that this is a good model for a career would they? If you did, you would probably be sectioned. Who in their right mind would copy what an abusive partner does? Who would think ?I know blud, I'll slap the missus around a bit and then tell the press. They?ll think I'm the UK version of Chris Brown. Brrrap. Na na naa.? Hey Dappy!

Kylie Minogue’s Sister Gets Replaced By Someone From N-Dubz On X Factor

May 16th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

We feel sorry for Dannii Minogue: she's never really had it as good as her older sibling. Kylie has been given all of the bigger, better and catchier pop hits, she looks better and oddly, Kylie has been given her own range of car adverts which don't make any sense. Perhaps Simon Cowell gave Dannii the X-Factor job out of pity. Or he lost a bet.

Even though the actual show hasn't started, X-Factor has bored us rigid already. Cowell has buggered off to launch it in America while Cheryl Cole finally was announced as judge after the American authorities turned a blind eye to her conviction of assault. Arguably, the shows two biggest judges have gone Stateside, leaving Kylie Minogue’s sister and Louise Walsh to crush the dreams of thousands.

Only problem is that says before filming starts, Kylie Minogue’s sister has left the show. Surely this couldn't be a PR stunt?

N-Dubz Announce Split, Sadly Not Forever

May 9th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

As we get older, we often have to re-educate ourselves with all of this modern speak that the youth of society spit from their mouths. To us, being ?from the streets? meant you were a homeless person who fished around in bins for scraps of food, stunk of ammonia and generally harassed people for a spare 20p for cider or drugs. Generally, tramps weren't embraced with kisses and cuddles.

But, times changed and now if you are ?from the streets?, it doesn't mean you're a homeless sort. Instead it's the polar opposite as you're considered a hip young thing who has grown up in areas of extreme poverty and witnessed all sorts of shocking events ? like people tripping over cracks in the pavement.

Annoyingly, there is a growing trend for people to commit what they've seen to record. N-Dubz in particular have done this and pestered the ears of thousands. Our prayers have been partly answered as the band have announced a temporary split, hooray!