Isn’t it great to see a superstar in an unguarded moment. They only let us see what they want us to see or generally portray themselves as something other than the real them entirely. Just like everyone, really.

However, these people are famous and more attractive and generally nicer to gawp at than Flubbo down the street with his roll-ups, carrier bags and back boobs.

And so, Florida’s Chris Chaney lightened up our days by hacking into celebrity email accounts and stealing naked pictures that they’d taken of themselves (to share with other people because, and this is nice to know, they’re all just as sexually needy as we, the people, and still need to impress people with self-shot nudey snaps) and giving them to us. And now he’d like to say sorry.

Jacksonville’s Chaney was arrested and charged on Wednesday following a year-long FBI investigation in the amusingly named Operation Hackerazzi.

The images he found, some ended up on our monitors. You’ll remember the nudes of Scarlett Johansson and the kinda nudes of Christina Aguilera. Of course, we’re more interested in the ones that he didn’t leak. Yet. Come on Chano! You must’ve left the snaps with some other ne’er-do-well who wants to leak them?

Chaney faces 26 separate charges of accessing and damaging computers, identity theft and wiretapping which could result in 121 years in prison if found guilty on all charges.

Phew. All that for some boobs.

He admitted his guilt to journalists in Florida, saying:

“It started as curiosity and it turned into just being addicted to seeing behind the scenes of the lives of the people you see on the big screen every day.”

Chaney didn’t want to blackmail any slebs, nor indeed did he sell his pictures. He simply liked doing it. He liked making celebrities miserable (while simultaneously sending their profiles into the stratosphere) and us dribbling fools happy with n00dz.

“I deeply apologise. I know what I did was probably one of the worst invasions of privacy… I know it was wrong and have to face it and go forward.”

Mr Chaney allegedly used several online aliases, including “anonygrrl” and “jaxjaguars911″ which you should now go and stick into Google to see what comes up. Or indeed, try and hack his emails, as it must be an absolute goldmine!

Okay? Good.

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So, by now, you will have seen or at least become aware that Scarlett Johansson had some self-shot naked pictures leaked yesterday. That’s right. We’ve all seen her T&A now.

If you haven’t seen them (what have you been doing? Living in a cave?), click here and, no, they’re not safe for work.

Legally, we still have to add that we’re not 100% certain that they’re genuine (someone’s a bit good with photoshop if not), but adding to the credibility of the snaps is the news coming through that Johansson has asked the FBI to find out just who leaked the photographs. It wasn’t us. We could hack through cobwebs, let alone the photos from someone’s phone. However, there’s more rumours circulating that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis should be feeling a little nervous today as there’s mutterings of nudes appearing of this pair.

An FBI spokesperson told The Wall Street Journal that their LA branch “is investigating the person or group responsible for a series of computer intrusion involving high profile figures,” including Johansson.

Johansson is now among a long list of celebrities cooperating with the FBI to bust a celebrity hacking ring. Apparently, there’s around 50 slebs who have been hacked, which is great news for you filth mongers out there. Great news for us too as the people of the celebrity world have been far too well-behaved of late.

The last high-profile celeb (well, high profile-ish) was Gossip Girl star Blake Lively who shared more of herself than she intended when some images appeared online. Alas, Lively’s rep said that the images weren’t the real deal and threatened to sue anyone who circulated these pictures.

Ahem.

Other names being thrown around for potential leaks are Jessica Alba and Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, possibly together. Apparently, TMZ have seen them.

Uh oh!

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It is a truth passed down from generation to generation amongst Hollywood’s glittering elite. There’s no reason to make something if you can remake something. Hollywood film executives are willing to remake or reboot any film or franchise in the pursuit of artistic fulfilment*.

From tat like The Day The Earth Stood Still to horror classics like Dracula, it’s nigh-on impossible to escape the pervasive influence of the Hollywood remake in modern cinema. Hollywood is even willing to remake remakes and reboot reboots. One need only look at the treatment of The Incredible Hulk & Spiderman to see that Hollywood’s pursuit of film-making perfection** is a rolling juggernaut of epic proportions.

These big-money remakes of classics usually focus on films and characters that are omnipresent in the minds of the public, encouraging a sense of anticipation as idiots clamber over one-another to see the first teaser trailer on Youtube, while cynics raise their flared nostrils skywards and sniff loudly that it’s never going to be as good as the original.

Even the ‘modern classics’ aren’t safe. Those films that people loved as children for being cheese-filled romps full of dance sequences and genuinely awful dialogue are being recreated for the Glee generation. Just look at Footloose, a film so terrible the first time around that both Kenny Loggins & Kevin Bacon still have night terrors where they’re being chased around a small town by the blood-vomiting, putrefying corpse of John Lithgow. Now it is the turn of 1991 Surf ‘Em Up, Point Break to fall into the crosshairs of the Hollywood snipers.

Say what you want about the original Point Break; it’s not terribly good but it’s not terribly terrible. It is, without a doubt, one of those films that people remember fondly until they sit down to watch it one night and realise that they’d rather be face down in a shell-hole being stabbed in the back by a rusty bayonet than watching Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze play some hard-surfing, hard-loving, hard-men with Gary Busey thrown in to really ramp up the crazy factor.

Therefore, it’s the perfect film for Hollywood’s razor-taloned vultures to get involved with.

The remake has been picked up by Warner Bros & Alcon Entertainment who seem keen to get the film cranked out as quickly as possible, presumably in order to give it that rough, unprepared, ill-conceived notion that runs through most modern cinema. Yes, it really is a golden*** generation.

The film doesn’t have a director yet but movie-goers should have no fear. It already has a screenplay by Kurt Wimmer. Kurt Wimmer is the man behind 2010′s Angelina Jolie vehicle Salt. A statement released by Alcon Entertainment said, amongst other things:

“Kurt’s take infuses the story and characters with new twists and settings. We’re very excited to be in business with Kurt, and Michael DeLuca, Chris Taylor, and John Baldecchi.”

This is Kurt Wimmer the man who- in case you missed it- wrote Salt, one of the least original films ever made by human hands. Luckily for Wimmer it would have been the least original film ever made but Tom Cruise had to drop out of the part and it was hastily re-written for Angelina Jolie.

Anyone unfamiliar with Wimmer’s work should watch any Steven Seagal film, replace the strong male protagonist with a strong female protagonist and imagine a twist that’s as insultingly blatant as asking a young police constable to hold your passport while you beat his grandmother about the head using his own truncheon.

We can only assume that these are the twists to which the Alcon Statement refers. We can only hope that the new Point Break will follow Salt’s lead and include an obvious set-up for a sequel which it will never get.

*Cash

**Money

***Bullion

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It wasn’t so long ago that some guy hacked into Hanna Montana’s Gmail account, stole some pictures of her soaking wet, and forced the world to look at them while they surfed the net at work and what-not.

Such massive overexposure to a pretty much genderless, pre-pubescent body made everybody outside of the Glitter household puke at the same time. This vomit eventually trickled into the Atlantic, and then floated north until its acidic content had melted all the ice caps, robbing millions of polar bears of their natural hunting grounds, and covering their edible penguins in a filthy, orange coat of watery slime.

Why PETA hasn’t raised more of a stink about this we’ll never know.

Anyway – the guy that did the hacking, well he’d brag online about how the police would never find him because he moved too often. But now he’s been raided by the FBI. We thought this might happen ever since we heard Cyrus would be playing the part of J Edgar Hoover in a sort of West Wing prequel.

What we’re saying is she’s probably well connected.

Miley Cyrus‘ G rating was officially ripped from her the moment some 19-year-old guy guessed her email password and used it to obtain pictures of her apparently three-year-old body posed this way and that. He tried selling these pictures, but celebrity news outlets on the up and up weren’t interested in paying for pictures obtained so illegally. That’s why the guy eventually posted them for free.

The moment this happened a cell in Guantanamo got swept out, its weird brown cake-like substance got chiseled off the toilet, and its bed got draped in surprisingly comfortable new linens. That’s because although he didn’t know it – the Miley-hacker made himself the subject of thousands of FBI round table discussions.

Wired has the down low:

“A 19-year-old hacker who published provocative photos of teen queen Miley Cyrus earlier this year was raided by the FBI Monday morning in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. The hacker, Josh Holly, repeatedly bragged online about breaking into the Disney star’s e-mail account and stealing her photos. He also gave interviews to bloggers and others and boasted that authorities would never find him because he moved so often…

“When agents finally left his apartment after conducting an extensive search, they had three computers and Holly’s phone, among other things.”

While under a heavy interrogation, Holly also confessed to purple-nurpling Raven Symone, dwarf tossing Zack & Cody, and smearing baby wasp eggs all over the insides of Mickey Mouse‘s recently pressed underpants.

Authorities are allegedly seeking out animal cruelty charges over that last incident.

Good. Micky is a cherished icon, and his safety is paramount.

You know, people only write diaries because they subconsciously want them to be read by federal agents investigating major fraud.

So, bearing that in mind, Anne Hathaway is the luckiest girl around at the moment. Not only does Anne Hathaway keep a diary, but her ex-boyfriend is in custody for massive wire fraud and money laundering. That means – you guessed it – Anne Hathaway’s diaries have been seized by the FBI as evidence! Score!

The implications of this are gigantic – if these diaries aren’t carefully protected then Anne Hathaway’s deepest personal secrets could be made horribly public. We may soon learn of Anne’s fears, her opinions on her co-stars or even that secret crush she’s been nursing for the dashing editor of a British entertainment blog lately.

It was love at first sight when Anne Hathaway met Raffaello Follieri in 2004. How could it not be? She said “Hi, I’m the up-and-coming star of The Princess Diaries,” and he said “Lovely to meet you – I allegedly con several idiots out of millions of dollars by claiming to be a property developer who’s friends with the Pope.” The rest was history.

Pretty crap history, to be honest, but history nonetheless – Raffaello Follieri was arrested on 11 counts of fraud and is currently in jail under a $21 million bail and some suggest that it was Anne Hathaway who deliberately got him arrested in the first place. So what now?

Well that depends who you are. If you’re a criminal prosecutor involved in the case you’ll be painstakingly piecing together a compelling argument against Raffaello Follieri in order to halt his criminal wrongdoings in their track. Or, if you’re anyone else, you’ll be wishing like hell that Anne Hathaway’s private diaries that were just seized by the FBI as evidence will somehow make their way into the public.

Although Anne Hathaway isn’t under investigation in the Follieri case, her diaries have been confiscated by federal agents on the off-chance that they help. The New York Daily News reports:

The agents confiscated the intimate diaries of the “Devil Wears Prada” star during another raid on Follieri’s $37,500-a-month Trump Tower pad, according to the sources… Agents are also said to have seized photos of Follieri with Bill and Hillary Clinton, Pope John Paul II, and John and Cindy McCain.

We’ve got no idea why a photo of Raffaello Follieri standing next to John McCain is particularly incriminating – unless John McCain happened to be the guest speaker at the 12th Annual International Property Fraud Expo or something – but it’s fairly obvious why Anne Hathaway’s diaries were taken.

Face it, the absolute best case scenario for the FBI would be to uncover an entry reading “Dear diary, today Raff defrauded 18 rich idiots out of several million dollars, which we spent on puppydogs and jetskis. I love Raff and think all people are idiots.”

That’s probably not likely to show up, so the Feds are probably going to have to make do with the entry that reads “Dear diary, today I had a sleepover at Jennifer’s house. I’ve never seen so many young girls on the cusp of womanhood in such skimpy pyjamas! And Jennifer’s bedroom is quite small, so we all had to wriggle really close together! It got so sweaty, diary!”

We’re sure that would probably make do quite well.

Anne Hathaway has it all – a glittering movie career, a winning personality and a face that's just very slightly too big for her skull.

But there's one thing that Anne Hathaway doesn't have any more, and that's a millionaire Italian boyfriend who's been arrested for possibly telling lies about being pals with the Pope to trick other stupid millionaires into giving him truckloads of cash. She hasn't even got one of those. What an idiot.

Anyway, it seems as if Anne Hathaway bailed from her relationship with Raffaello Follieri right before he was arrested by the FBI and locked up on a $21 million bail. A lucky escape?

Not according to some friends of Follieri, who are now claiming that Anne Hathaway was the person who ratted him out to the FBI in the first place. Exciting, huh? Just imagine how much more exciting it'd be if a) we knew who Raffaello Follieri was and b) we gave a toss about Anne Hathaway.

Female celebrities love a bad boy, whether it's Barbara Windsor and Ronnie Knight, Mel B and a man who once killed a duck with a brick or Alicia Keys and every fictional boyfriend she's ever had in any of her music videos ever. 

Even Anne Hathaway loves a bad boy. True, she might appear so wholesome and perfect that if you snuck up behind her and sawed her legs off at the knees she'd bleed wires and microchips instead of sloppy knee-guts, but Anne Hathaway's relationship with shady Italian businessman Raffaello Follieri has put an end to that image.

You'll remember that Raffaello Follieri was arrested recently over suspicions that he conned several rich dimwits out of millions of dollars by telling them that he was a great friend of the Pope and that the Pope had given him a cheeky heads-up on some cheap, cheap property investment opportunities, or something. Anyway, the law is taking this arrest so seriously that Follieri is still imprisoned pending a $21 million bail.

But the big question is who got Raffaello Follieri arrested in the first place? A highly-trained team of FBI agents who'd been investigating his business dealings with the expertise accrued from investigating hundreds of similar cases over a period spanning several years? Don't be daft, it was that bloody Anne Hathaway woman, wasn't it? Or maybe not!

Anyway, that's the case put forward by some of Follieri's friends, presumably after they'd finished bombing around Lake Como on speedboats braying and complimenting each other on the pastel cardigans they'd tied around their shoulders like a gang of foppishly ineffectual superheroes. Anyway, the New York Daily News has details:

"It makes sense," the friend said. "She's referred to as his former girlfriend in the indictment, even though her spokesman never confirmed they broke up… I think that in return for her co-operation, the feds held off on arresting Follieri until she was out of the country."

It's an interesting point, isn't it? What if Anne Hathaway decided that the best way to protect her career was to leave Raffaello in the lurch and dob him in to the cops? That way Anne Hathaway would remain blissfully free of controversy, except for that one movie she made where she got naked; a movie which, if our local DVD store is correct, is called Crikey Shit! Look At Anne Hathaway's Hooters! Look At Them!

But, whatever claims have been made against Anne Hathaway, there's just something about this story that doesn't ring true. Call us crazy, but we'd have thought that Anne would have wanted to be implicated in large-scale criminal fraud trial.

Because, seriously, if we were given a choice between that and having to repeatedly admit to an involvement in the movie remake of Get Smart, we'd have picked the former every time.

WBet you want to hear all about the superstar defence witness who’s threatening to sew up the R Kelly child pornography trial once and for all, right?

Of course you do. That’s terribly exciting news. But you’re not going to hear anything about that for a while – not when an expert FBI forensic video analyst has dropped the huge bomb that the man in the piddle-heavy R Kelly sex tape is probably R Kelly.

Alright, so maybe ‘probably’ is pushing it a little. What he actually said was that it wasn’t very likely that anyone had digitally superimposed R Kelly’s face onto the sex tape – a shock testimony that, if it is to be believed, immediately narrows the list of potential suspects down to a) R Kelly and b) every single man on Earth who isn’t R Kelly. This is nailbiting stuff, people.

But first! The mystery R Kelly defence witness from yesterday – what in the name of heck is all that about? Well, a few details have started to emerge, and now we can see why everyone’s got so poopy-pantsed about it.

Apparently, the witness is a woman who can refute another woman’s testimony that she had a threesome with R Kelly and the 13-year-old Backstreet Boys knicker-wetter.

And the call from this witness couldn’t have come at a better time for R Kelly’s defence, because it’s been proverbially shitting the bed so far. But not in a sexy underage way that R Kelly would probably find arousing if he was guilty of his charges, which he so far isn’t – this is more in a ‘do a bad job and send R Kelly to jail for 15 years’ way.

So far, the R Kelly child pornography trial has basically been an unceasing stream of witnesses taking turns to identify the man in the R Kelly sex tape as R Kelly and the girl in the R Kelly sex tape to be who everyone thinks it is. And even though both R Kelly and the girl deny any involvement in the tape, R Kelly’s former assistent says that it’s him and the victim’s friends and family say it’s her.

But that meant nothing because, from the noises it was making during cross-examination, the defence had an ace up its sleeve – what if the sex tape had been digitally manipulated? What if the R Kelly sex tape didn’t star R Kelly at all, but instead was the work of someone painstaking grafting an image of R Kelly’s face onto the man’s body? What about that, huh? Argue against that! Why don’t you get an FBI forensic video analyst in to say it isn’t reasonably possible? Huh?

So the prosecution did. And that’s what he said. E! Online reports:

George Skaluba, a forensic video analyst for the FBI, testified Thursday during the R&B star’s child-porn trial that the copy in the court’s possession depicts “real people in a real environment,” although he couldn’t be absolutely certain that the original wasn’t doctored in some way. Skaluba couldn’t determine how many levels of copying the tape currently in the court’s possession went through, but he concluded it would have been costly and “very, very time consuming and very hard” to manipulate the faces and/or the actions of the male and female on the original copy.

with this video alteration argument ruled out for the time being, that means that the man in the tape definitely is the man in the tape. Honestly, we don’t see why they don’t just lock R Kelly up now. Or anyone else who looks enough like R Kelly to feasibly pass for him in a blurry, almost decade-old illegal sex tape. Where’s the justice?