Or did he? Detectives working on the case have revealed that Shia only crashed because the car he ploughed into had just run a red light. That means, according to the detectives, that Shia LaBeouf was not at fault for the crash at all. So what happened?

Well, using our powerful skills of deduction we’ve worked out that, although he isn’t at fault, Shia LaBeouf still may or may not have been drunk  while he was driving the car before the crash. However, we can determine for certain that a) Shia LaBeouf is the kid from Transformers and b) Wooo.

If there’s one thing the world likes more than seeing a rising star fall, it’s seeing a rising star get smashed on booze and flip his pickup truck over, especially when it’s a rising star with as much creepy self-confidence as Shia LaBeouf.

Which is why the world had a little spring in its step on Monday after it realised that Shia LaBeouf had done exactly that. According to reports, Shia LaBeouf was driving through West Hollywood in the early hours of Sunday when he performed what’s known in the business as ‘a Haley Joel Osment‘ and flipped his car over in the middle of the street because he was drunk.

Thanks to the crash, and the badly-timed publication of an interview where Shia LaBeouf describes why he can’t drink in moderation, Shia LaBeouf has gone from being the new Tom Hanks to the new Lindsay Lohan in the blink of an eye, albeit a Lindsay Lohan with a severely Beadled-up hand.

But maybe everything wasn’t as it seemed. Although eyewitnesses saw Shia LaBeouf downing shots of whiskey on Santa Monica Boulevard right before the crash, and the arresting officers say that Shia was displaying outward signs of intoxication, it turns out that the crash wasn’t Shia LaBeouf’s fault at all. Reuters reports:

“LaBoeuf has been determined at this stage not to have caused the accident,” said Steve Whitmore, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. Whitmore said the other driver failed to stop for a red light and slammed into the truck LaBeouf was driving.

So hooray! Shia LaBeouf is a responsible driver after all! Our adorable puppy-faced hero is still our adorable puppy-faced hero! Apart from the whole thing about him being shitfaced on booze! Which we’re not too sure that we understand actually!

In fact, nobody even knows if Shia LaBeouf was drunk or not any more. That’s for the toxicology tests to determine. But when those toxicology tests do come back, we’ll be able to close this case once and for all and go back to writing about more important stuff, like Keira Knightley’s tits or whatever.

It wasn’t out of maliciousness, mind you, she just wanted them to cast off peacefully, with the sweet sound of teenage sexiness in their ears.

Yeah, that’s not true. What is true though, is that the papo who stuck his foot under Britney’s car as she was backing up among a throng of flashes and clicks is not getting anything for it. It’s more his fault than hers – legally speaking.

Since the decision, we’ve heard that in desperation he’s put his hand in Jessica Simpson’s blender, his leg in Mandy Moore’s bullmastiff dog-food bowl, and slammed his man-part against the door of Christina Aguilera’s microwave oven.

That’s just what we heard.

Things are looking up for young Britney Spears. She’s getting thinner, she may or may not have a gig in Vegas and that paparazzi foot she ran over a while back is more at fault than she is.

Next thing you know Crossroads will get voted into some legendary movie museum and Kevin Federline will get hit by a milk truck.

Yup, everything’s comin’ up roses for ol’ Britney Spears! Hollywood Today gives some details on the Papo-foot run over thing:

“[Prosecutors] have refused to act on a lensman’s claim that his foot was run over by Spears in November while she backed up her car amidst a large crowd of people. We have no evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the suspect [Spears] was aware that the victim’s foot had been struck by the car,” Deputy District Attorney Joseph Shidler stated in a written report. He also asserted that the injury was the photographer’s own fault for placing his foot directly in the path of the vehicle.”

Well what an interesting turn of events! Of course, this all brings us back to the time we ran over a paparazzi’s foot.

Then we ran over his shin, knee and femur. And then his hip, spine, ribcage and skull. People were all like ‘Stop the car! Stop the car!’ and we were like ‘Why? so he can digitally obtain more imagery of us?’ and they were like ‘The only images he’s gonna be obtaining from now on are of the inside of an urn.’ Then we were like ‘What, does that mean he’s dead?’ and they were like’ Yeah,’ and we were like ‘Is his wallet squished too?’

And you know what? His wallet was squished – there’s a lesson to be learned here somewhere.