Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
With all of his public outbursts, I kind of thought maybe Rihanna and Karrueche Tran were the only women dumb enough to put up with Chris Brown’s antics.? But nope, seems there is a “model” that decided to not only mess around with Brown, but to get stuck to him for life.
Yup, Chris Brown is now someone’s daddy.? I bet he is just going to be the most loving, supportive, involved father ever.? Joy.
When Brittany Murphy died, everyone just assumed that she’d gone overboard on the ol’ drugs. That’s what famous young people do, right? They hammer it too much and their famous hearts just give up.
Alas, it would appear that Brittany died of Community-Acquired Pneumonia and Iron Deficiency Anemia.
And now, oddly, Brittany Murphy’s dad, Angelo Bertolotti, isn’t happy about the result and is suing the Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office because he’d like to do his own tests. What was he hoping for? Something more decadent or glamorous?
STOP THE PRESSES! The Bieber baby drama may not be quite as dead as we all thought.
Jeffrey Leving, the lawyer representing Bieber?s baby momma, Mariah Yeater, has come out and said that the DNA test is still on! Meaning there's still a chance that Justin really was bustin? to get freaky with the single mother.
So forget everything we said yesterday, IT’S BACK ON BITCHES!
Oprah Winfrey has been shooting her mouth off saying that she’s going to get OJ Simpson to confess to his dirty murder on her television show, but alas, someone has already beaten her to it.
That source is the Daily Mail. And the National Enquirer. They never tell lies do they? They would’ve been told-off by someone official if so. This means we can take their words and reprint them as gospel.
So yeah, the words ‘I killed Nicole’ have been uttered by OJ ‘Glove Problems’ Simpson, which is nice. Is someone going to arrest him again… or something? We don’t know the protocol and can’t be bothered to find out. Simpson hasn’t just confessed, he’s allegedly spoken about how he did it. Step right this way gore fans!
Everyone think OJ Simpson committed those murders right, despite the fact he never got collared for it. Even the gloves that didn’t fit his American Football playing hands are under the impression he’s guilty.
Even an adult actress, who performed under the name ‘Devon Shire’ (you should see her cream custard) thinks he did it. Even OJ himself isn’t sure, once saying: ‘Let’s say I committed this crime? even if I did this, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right?”
Oprah Winfrey is under the impression OJ is a killer, saying that she wants to get him to confess to it while being interviewed by her. That would be something wouldn’t it? Oprah getting the goods the police force never could? Well, she did inadvertently make Tom Cruise jump around on a sofa like a man-possessed.
Plan B may have “conquered soul music” (AAARRRRGH) and is now planning to conquer reggae with his new LP (AAAAARGH! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE!), but he hasn’t always been the post-millennia answer to Brian Harvey.
No, once upon a time, he was scrotey drug dealer who thought it was okay to stab people.
Not our words folks, rather, Plan B, a man who has a career solely because Amy Winehouse failed to make a follow-up record to ‘Back To Black’.
Oprah Winfrey has, seemingly, existed forever. She’s like a TV Mumm-Ra or something. And of course, most of her career has comprised of solemnly nodding at guests and talking about her fluctuating weight.
Good gig if you can get it.
However, Oprah also like a good ol’ overshare. She’s spoken rather candidly about the sexual abuse she endured, a teenage pregnancy and lately, pushing aside rumours that she’s a lesbian. That said, she’s got one big secret left up her sleeve and she wants to tell us all about it.
Some might think the hardest part about being Keanu Reeves is hair management. Those who think this are right.
Others think the hardest part about being him is that he’s so fertile he can’t help but impregnate everything he touches – including houses, plants and that sticky brown stuff in the bottom of your fridge. With that in mind it becomes slightly easier to believe a woman who claims Keanu fathered all four of her children from deep inside a late night TV showing of the original Speed movie.
That’s not an exact quote, mind you, but it’s in the ballpark.
Slumdog Millionaire was such a hit that everybody associated with it now earns an extra 17 zeros on the end of any paycheck they ever receive. Seriously – everyone’s box office value has increased exponentially.
Also their value in the black market slave trade slightly increased too. That’s why when some potential daughter-buyers recently offered the father of?Rubina Ali Qureshi $300,000 for his now somewhat famous daughter, he cut off a lock of Ali’s hair for his wife’s memory book and wished the child well in her new life cruising Nile river-ports.
Or something along those lines.
It must be the season for unexpected pregnancies. First little Bristol Palin let a cartoon redneck knock her up, and now this – something far far worse.
David Spade has become a father. Accidentally. According to reports, David Spade had a brief relationship with a Playboy Playmate called Jillian Grace not so long ago and he accidentally got a baby wedged up there or something and now it’s fallen out of her. We’re not sure how the whole pregnancy thing works, to be honest.
Why’s that worse than Bristol Palin’s pregnancy? Simple – Bristol Palin can look the world in the eye and tell everyone that the father of her child is a rugged, athletic 18-year-old brute at the peak of his sexual condition. But Jillian Grace? Every time she looks at her new baby it’s just going to be a tragic reminder that she let David Spade stick it up her a couple of times once, the poor woman.
