Jessica Simpson may have been mercilessly teased about her weight gain, but she knows what’s important.
Cakes. Cakes are important to Jessica Simpson. And Big Macs. And, more relevantly to this story, fans. All through Dumpygate, Jessica Simpson’s fans have been right there for her. And last night Jessica thanked her fans by performing a concert, where she told them that sometimes people wrongly focus on pointless things.
And since nobody would have heard of Jessica Simpson were it not for that awful TV show about her inherent lack of marital intelligence, we’re taking her as an expert on pointlessness.
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Jessica Simpson sang These Boots Were Made For Walking, even though This Mouth Was Made For Gorging is probably more accurate.
Or, you know, These Thighs Were Made For Crushing Cars. Or something. Basically, Jessica Simpson has got a little bit fat, and everyone’s talking about it.
Thanks to a couple of unflattering pictures taken last weekend, people now refer to Jessica Simpson as Heifer-ca Simpson, Jessica Not-Thinson or Jessica Simpsonofabitchyougotfat. Or maybe we made those up. We’re not telling.
Anyway, now Kim Kardashian has said that Jessica Simpson looks ‘hot’. That’s because she’s insulated by fat, you insensitive bitch.
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