Fat - HecklerSpray

Stupid TV Shows Are More Harmful Than Fast Food

September 13th, 2012 By Chris Starr

When John Logie Baird and Philo Farnsworth invented television, they probably thought they were bequeathing to the world a noble enterprise that would inform and entertain in equal measure. The BBC’s policy was exactly that – to inform and entertain – so much so that it was written down in their founding documents.

They didn’t account for Jersey Shore and its many derivatives, or Big Brother. Or Naked Jungle. But here we are reader. We’ve drunk the magic potion. We’ve gone through the looking glass. And we’re tripping badly on a diet of terrible television that has no point, no rhyme or reason, and does nothing but make us feel bloated and sick. Yes, dumb tv shows are more bad for you than a fast food binge.

Rihanna’s Dad Forgives Chris Brown’s “Mistake” But Can’t Forgive A Podgy Daughter

March 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Rihanna: like her or loath her, everybody’s definitely a little bit bored of her. Look at her, out there releasing catchy pop records and constantly touring and performing. She’s living her dream but she’s doing right up in our faces.

Of course, catch pop records and flashing a bit too much skin at a prime time TV audience isn’t the reason that RiRi’s been in the news recently. She’s started collaborating with Chris Brown and by that we don’t mean that they’re both out roaming the streets of Hollywood trying to find women to beat up, we mean that she’s started making music with him.

Way to low-ball yourself professionally there, Rihanna.

Adam Levine Defends Christina Aguilera And Draws Attention To Her Chub In The Process

February 23rd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Do you know who singer, Adam Levine, is? Doesn’t matter either way because he’s not here to do what he’s paid to do. Sing. He’s here to offer his opinions on things which don’t really concern him, yet somehow make for news these days.

He’s talking about Christina Aguilera’s big guts.

And he wants everyone to know that it really is okay to have a bit of chub. Unless you’re the kind of lardo that will end up with type 2 diabetes, in which case, you haven’t got a fuller figure, rather, you are wearing a death suit that looks like mozzarella wrapped in meat. Either way though, go curves! and all that!

Karl Lagerfeld Kinda Has A Point When He Says Adele Is A Bit Fat

February 7th, 2012 By Lady Robotnik

Karl Lagerfeld has the feminists and fat chicks bunching their panties in disgust over his latest outburst.

Remember. This is an outburst from an old man who works in the fashion industry.

We don't know what magic mirror Lagerfeld is looking into, but despite looking like an anorexic-shell-less-tortoise/panda hybrid, Lagerfeld takes it upon himself to be the aesthetic judge of the universe. And this time, he’s decided to pass judgement on Adele. You can see where this is going can’t you?

Eamonn Holmes’ Prostitution Predicament

February 2nd, 2012 By Kris Silver

Eamonn Holmes is a man famed for the legendary status of his gargantuan gob.

Not only is it capable of producing more crap than his backside on a day-to-day basis, but when it isn't spewing verbal sewage it's being stuffed with all manner of deep-fried goodies.

Well, let's hope Eamonn has deep-fried his foot after he managed to, once again, get it firmly lodged between his gums during an interview on This Morning.

Kevin Federline Is Feelin’ Fine And Not Dying Of A Heart Attack At All!

January 25th, 2012 By Kris Silver

It's okay everybody, you can relax, there's no more need to worry, Kevin Federline is fine.

We know, you were scared that K-Fed might be taken from us too soon, but we're pleased to announce that all is well with Britney?s Baby Daddy and he didn't actually suffer a heart attack that none of us would have cared about.

Federline was hospitalised earlier this week after he collapsed whilst filming a weight loss show in Australia, he was quickly rushed to hospital along with the paramedics who had initially tried to lift him onto the stretcher.

Miley Cyrus Is A Great Big Dirty Stoner

November 28th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

Teenage warbler and spawn of the devil (aka Billy Ray) Miley Cyrus, ?recently ‘fessed up to being the raging pothead we all suspected at her 19th birthday party in Los Angeles.

Guest included, Kelly Osbourne and Rumer Willis, boyfriend Liam Hemsworth and of course her parents who were probably out the back, line-dancing through the piles of money they’ve ?made from selling their child to the Disney factory.

Miley was presented with a Bob Marley cake and before devouring it face first, she gave a small speech, made up of words.

Miley Cyrus Enters ‘Curvy Women’ Debate And Obviously Hates Thin Women

November 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Apparently, Miley Cyrus has put on some weight. No-one actually cares, but y’know, when weight is mentioned around women, everyone starts shrieking like someone just revealed a semtex waistcoat.

Some trollers, trying (successfully) to get a rise, pointed out that Miley had put some pounds on and thought it might be funny to call her ‘fat’.

Of course, Miley Cyrus isn’t fat. However, she does hate skinny women and wandered ever closer to the idiot arena of ‘real women have curves’. Get that thin ladies? You’re body shape is sexless compared to that of someone with a bit of an arse. HURRAY!

Beth Ditto Has Original Opinion, Or Maybe Just Looked It Up On Wikipedia

March 18th, 2011 By Justrestingmyeyes

It’s difficult to imagine, but the life of Beth Ditto – who, because we’re such hideously clever dicks at hecklerspray, we will hereafter refer to as Beth Beth – is not just one long procession of standing in the way of Kate Moss, ripping all her clothes off whenever a glance is thrown in her direction, and sitting atop winged horses, helmet-horns glinting in the furious fires of Valhalla, scattering mortals with the power of her demonic screams.

Sometimes she finds room in that busy schedule for kicking back, relaxing, chucking on her neon-pink skintight onesie leisurewear, curling up with a classic of gothic literature, and squeezing her brain tightly until opinions form like diamonds in a bleak mountainside.

And even better, she then tells us about it! She really is the honking gift that just keeps honking, and won’t stop till our ears actually start bleeding!

Beth Ditto Is Not An Unhealthy Person Despite Looking Rather Unhealthy

September 24th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Before we even start talking about Beth Ditto, let us just point something out to everyone – there is no correct size to be if you’re a human being. Okay? People who make an issue out of their, or anyone else’s weight, is an unrelenting dick. Okay? Okay.

Unrelenting dick, Beth Ditto, continues to see herself as some kind of political activist for people who aren’t thin, hitting out at imagined critics who she assumes are sniggering under their breath at her, taunting her and calling her a big fat twat.

With the spotlight well and truly taken off her band, The Gossip, and now glued into place on stomach, Ditto has howled in anguish about people who assume thin women are automatically healthier.