Articles tagged with: Fat
K-Fed Fed & Fed & Now He’s Fat
Remember when K-Fed had a dancer's body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still - it was a dancer's body. And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder. Well he's not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted. What we're getting at here is the man has gained weight - and boy has he!
Remember when K-Fed had a dancer's body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still - it was a dancer's body. And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder. Well he's not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted. What we're getting at here is the man has gained weight - and boy has he!
Oprah Winfrey Blames Her Fat Belly On Something Called ‘Food’
The first week on January is traditionally the week of going to the gym twice and hoping it'll offset 12 months of compulsive doughnut abuse. But not if you're Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey knows that she's turned into a lardy old gutbucket lately, and she's determined to get slim again. And Oprah Winfrey plans to do this by not abusing food any more. And by 'abusing' food, Oprah means 'keeping it in her cupboard for any longer than she has to before stuffing it into her gob and rolling around the floor snorting like an animal'. We can't see it working, to be honest.
The first week on January is traditionally the week of going to the gym twice and hoping it'll offset 12 months of compulsive doughnut abuse. But not if you're Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey knows that she's turned into a lardy old gutbucket lately, and she's determined to get slim again. And Oprah Winfrey plans to do this by not abusing food any more. And by 'abusing' food, Oprah means 'keeping it in her cupboard for any longer than she has to before stuffing it into her gob and rolling around the floor snorting like an animal'. We can't see it working, to be honest.
Yay! Oprah Winfrey’s Fat Again!
Oprah Winfrey's power is derived from the fact that, with enough speed behind her, she could dent a caravan quite critically. So when Oprah Winfrey slimmed down, it hurt her power. "No I won't read your book recommendations," America told Oprah in unison, "because how will you punish me? By sitting on my chest? Pah! You won't even shatter one of my ribs if you do that!" Oprah was doomed. But fear no more, because Oprah has revealed that she's fat again! She weighs 200lbs! It just goes to show that money can't buy you power, but it can buy you lots of sausage rolls.
Oprah Winfrey's power is derived from the fact that, with enough speed behind her, she could dent a caravan quite critically. So when Oprah Winfrey slimmed down, it hurt her power. "No I won't read your book recommendations," America told Oprah in unison, "because how will you punish me? By sitting on my chest? Pah! You won't even shatter one of my ribs if you do that!" Oprah was doomed. But fear no more, because Oprah has revealed that she's fat again! She weighs 200lbs! It just goes to show that money can't buy you power, but it can buy you lots of sausage rolls.
Kate Winslet Has It So Much Harder Than Any Of Us Will Ever Know
Judging by her weird compulsion to thwonk her boobs out in every film she's ever made, you might not think that Kate Winslet is very insecure. But she is. Oh lord, she is. It turns out that Kate Winslet is so thunderingly insecure - about absolutely everything - that she makes Ally McBeal look like Darth Vader after a manicure and half a bottle of gin. How do we know this? Because Kate Winslet has raked over her endless neuroses for the new issue of Vanity Fair. So, to save you the effort of buying the new issue of Vanity Fair, here's a list of all the things that Kate Winslet is insecure about: her weight as a teenager, her weight now, her dress sense, the way she looks 'wrong', her stupid pointy nose, her awful screechy voice, her fat hands, the way the last syllable of her surname rhymes with a swearword and her ridiculous big face. We may have made some of those up, by the way.
Judging by her weird compulsion to thwonk her boobs out in every film she's ever made, you might not think that Kate Winslet is very insecure. But she is. Oh lord, she is. It turns out that Kate Winslet is so thunderingly insecure - about absolutely everything - that she makes Ally McBeal look like Darth Vader after a manicure and half a bottle of gin. How do we know this? Because Kate Winslet has raked over her endless neuroses for the new issue of Vanity Fair. So, to save you the effort of buying the new issue of Vanity Fair, here's a list of all the things that Kate Winslet is insecure about: her weight as a teenager, her weight now, her dress sense, the way she looks 'wrong', her stupid pointy nose, her awful screechy voice, her fat hands, the way the last syllable of her surname rhymes with a swearword and her ridiculous big face. We may have made some of those up, by the way.
Kevin Smith Obliterates A Toilet With His Bottom
Observers of Kevin Smith might have noticed a change in his shape lately, in that he's gone from 'tubby' to 'perfectly spherical'. Don't think this hasn't gone unnoticed, though - Kevin Smith himself is quite aware that he's developing a bit of weight problem. It's something he picked up on in the traditional way, by breaking a toilet under the weight of his own body. According to an anecdote that he decided to tell a journalist of his own free will, Kevin Smith recently sat on a toilet only for it to fall away from the wall because of his enormous mass. At least we think Kevin Smith's weight broke the toilet. It could have also been that Kevin Smith's urine is high-pressured and grainy and essentially works like a manky-smelling water jet cutter. We simply don't know.
Observers of Kevin Smith might have noticed a change in his shape lately, in that he's gone from 'tubby' to 'perfectly spherical'. Don't think this hasn't gone unnoticed, though - Kevin Smith himself is quite aware that he's developing a bit of weight problem. It's something he picked up on in the traditional way, by breaking a toilet under the weight of his own body. According to an anecdote that he decided to tell a journalist of his own free will, Kevin Smith recently sat on a toilet only for it to fall away from the wall because of his enormous mass. At least we think Kevin Smith's weight broke the toilet. It could have also been that Kevin Smith's urine is high-pressured and grainy and essentially works like a manky-smelling water jet cutter. We simply don't know.
Huffman Says Eva Longoria Is A Fatty Fat Fatty Fatto Fat Fat
Eva Longoria is so fat that she leaves footprints in dry concrete, so fat that she has gravy instead of blood and so fat that her saliva is tidal. There's no point arguing with any of that because it's all true. Eva Longoria is fat. Yes, Eva Longoria - the tiny pixie woman from Desperate Housewives who you could easily fold up and fit into a satchel - is so morbidly obese that she'll probably end up getting bad cake diabetes and will have to be buried in a quarry in a coffin made of reinforced concrete and tungsten carbide. Look, we know that Eva Longoria might not seem especially fat to the naked eye, but according to her Desperate Housewives co-star Felicity Huffman, she is one chubby old witch. And you can't doubt Felicity Huffman's judgement on stuff like this because she thinks that William H Macy is a stone-cold fox and she sure is right there.
Eva Longoria is so fat that she leaves footprints in dry concrete, so fat that she has gravy instead of blood and so fat that her saliva is tidal. There's no point arguing with any of that because it's all true. Eva Longoria is fat. Yes, Eva Longoria - the tiny pixie woman from Desperate Housewives who you could easily fold up and fit into a satchel - is so morbidly obese that she'll probably end up getting bad cake diabetes and will have to be buried in a quarry in a coffin made of reinforced concrete and tungsten carbide. Look, we know that Eva Longoria might not seem especially fat to the naked eye, but according to her Desperate Housewives co-star Felicity Huffman, she is one chubby old witch. And you can't doubt Felicity Huffman's judgement on stuff like this because she thinks that William H Macy is a stone-cold fox and she sure is right there.
FAT WATCH: Al Pacino Is Packing… Meat, Not Heat
FROM DIETPIXIE - At nearly 70, it’s hardly a surprise but the sprightly little megastar, Al Pacino, is finally filling out. He’s been pictured looking pretty rotund and his archetypal black outfit was failing miserably to ‘slim’ his figure. Read the rest of this entry (link opens in new window)>>
FROM DIETPIXIE - At nearly 70, it’s hardly a surprise but the sprightly little megastar, Al Pacino, is finally filling out. He’s been pictured looking pretty rotund and his archetypal black outfit was failing miserably to ‘slim’ his figure. Read the rest of this entry (link opens in new window)>>
Michael Bay Orders Megan Fox To Chub The Flip Up
You know what the problem is with Megan Fox? You can't hear her thighs scraping together when she walks anywhere. This is because Megan Fox clearly isn't fat enough. Boys only like girls if they've got wads of back fat you could lose your fist in and a chin that's barely visible under the rolls of sweaty neck-lard. There's nothing more arousing than a girl having a chronic wheezing fit because she's had to run 10 metres for a bus, right boys? That's what Michael Bay thinks, anyway. Now that Transformers 2 is under way, Bay has decided that Megan Fox is far too skinny and that she needs to be 10 pounds heavier. Nobody really knows why, but he's probably just worried that Megan Fox is so skinny that she'll buckle and snap under the weight of all Transformer 2's obvious crappiness.
You know what the problem is with Megan Fox? You can't hear her thighs scraping together when she walks anywhere. This is because Megan Fox clearly isn't fat enough. Boys only like girls if they've got wads of back fat you could lose your fist in and a chin that's barely visible under the rolls of sweaty neck-lard. There's nothing more arousing than a girl having a chronic wheezing fit because she's had to run 10 metres for a bus, right boys? That's what Michael Bay thinks, anyway. Now that Transformers 2 is under way, Bay has decided that Megan Fox is far too skinny and that she needs to be 10 pounds heavier. Nobody really knows why, but he's probably just worried that Megan Fox is so skinny that she'll buckle and snap under the weight of all Transformer 2's obvious crappiness.
