And that's just as well, because last night that's exactly what they did. At the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in Hollywood last night, the world got its first taste of the full Spice Girls line-up singing live for almost a decade. And, weird World War II-inspired costumes aside, it seems as if the Spice Girls went down a storm and disappointed nobody. True, much of this was accomplished by the Spice Girls not stripping down to their Victoria's Secret underwear as a climax to the show – something that at least prevented everyone dying in that tidal wave of tears and vomit that we'd been anticipating.

There's nothing we can do to stop the Spice Girls comeback now, you know. After close to ten years of releasing solo albums to an increasingly apathetic world, getting knocked up by international footballers, international movie stars and the bloke out of Damage and failing to agree on a comeback more times that we could possibly care to count, the Spice Girls are back for a tour that starts in Los Angeles in 19 days' time before the girls zoom around the world shouting "Girl Power!" to groups of women in their early thirties who still don't really understand what it means – including a will-sapping 17-date residency at London's O2 arena.

But even if you can avoid the suffocating hype over the Spice Girls comeback tour, don't think that you'll escape that easily, either. You'll also have to contend with the Spice Girls Greatest Hits album, the unsettling new Spice Girls Children In Need video, the sofas that each of the Spice Girls are designing for a million quid a pop and the new Spice Girls Tesco advert, where Victoria Beckham gets to debut her highly-anticipated new acting style which involves yammering like a woman with a dangerously swollen tongue after visiting the world's angriest, most anesthetically-overzealous dentist.

And then there's Victoria's Secret. The Spice Girls have already agreed to only sell their Greatest Hits CD through Victoria's Secret in America, but last night saw part two of their nefarious lingerie-based masterplan take shape, as the girls performed at the televised Victoria's Secret Fashion Show at the Hollywood Kodak theatre.

Originally set to be headlined by Kanye West – who understandably pulled out after learning of his mother's death – the fashion show saw performances from will.i.am and a surely expectation-lowering duet between Seal and Heidi Klum. And then came the Spice Girls, enrapturing celebrity guests like Enrique Iglesias, Eva Longoria, Hilary Duff and Slash out of Guns N' Roses. In all, the Spice Girls performed Stop and new single Headlines while dressed as wartime floozies – and they apparently impressed Ryan Seacrest enough for him to declare:

"I'm in love with Victoria Beckham, which is probably an issue for David. They could have stood there and done nothing and I'd have been happy."

Having seen her in the Tesco advert, we expect that Victoria Beckham shot back with a well-timed:

"Blurbyblurblyblub blubbity-blub blub? BLUB!"

So consider the wheels of the Spice Girls comeback well and truly set in motion, and there's nothing any of us can do about it, except pray that part three of the Spice Girls' endorsement with Victoria's Secret doesn't involve a bras-out photo shoot. Honestly, we've already seen enough of Geri Halliwell to last us a lifetime.