Kate Middleton is now a blueblood. She’s married into the Royal Family, which gives her special dispensation from the law. She’s probably allowed to kill people and run over vicars with combine harvesters while setting fire to piles of tyres and griffins.
HOWEVER. She’s not like the rest.
Y’see, our Kate is willing to not only walk around us plebscum, but also, do it wearing clothes that you can buy from shops. Seriously. Someone should beatify her now…. if they do Protestant beatification that is.
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Karl Lagerfeld has the feminists and fat chicks bunching their panties in disgust over his latest outburst.
Remember. This is an outburst from an old man who works in the fashion industry.
We don’t know what magic mirror Lagerfeld is looking into, but despite looking like an anorexic-shell-less-tortoise/panda hybrid, Lagerfeld takes it upon himself to be the aesthetic judge of the universe. And this time, he’s decided to pass judgement on Adele. You can see where this is going can’t you?
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Women! When you’ve stopped complaining about the negative, overtly sexual images of women in media, which breed an unrealistic body-ideal in young girls, we’d like to point you in the direction of David Beckham in his underpants.
See, ol’ GoldenNads has done a photoshoot for some undercrackers he’s flogging through dreary clothing bazaar, H&M.
A number of women have stopped worrying about the patriarchy long enough to admire Beckham’s bulge and sigh with feint arousal everytime they see it. So what does David have to say about it? Well, it doesn’t involve stuffing but it does involve his daughter.
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Imagine being Kate Moss. What do you do with your life? You stand around in a variety of clothes, which people hang off your bony frame and generally lord it up like you have an actual talent other than your genetic make-up.
Despite a clear lack of anything worthwhile, other than being sufficiently bland enough not to distract people from the garments you’re wearing, that still doesn’t mean you can’t act like a pompous, deserving buffoon.
And that’s exactly what’s happening as Kate Moss has revealed that she isn’t keen on interacting with her admirers on Twitter. Basically, you plebs don’t deserve her musings.
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It seems like the highly anticipated, but probably ultimately disappointing, collaboration between Versace and H&M is headed for rocky roads. Roads that are as rocky as Donatella Versace’s face.
That’s because the raggedy face fashion luminaire has decided, a few days before the actual range lands in stores, that she doesn’t like the look of people who don’t advocate bulimia as a life choice, and doesn’t want to taint her precious designs by putting them on fatties.
Ridiculous, right? Well, probably not.
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There’s always someone on TV spouting some fashion related twaddle about upcoming Autumn/Winter looks and how on-trend leggings are, and they’re generally all giant weeping arseholes.
If it isn’t Gok Wan molesting women and masquerading it as appreciation of the female form then it’s that nad-less Mark Heyes spouting how great different shades of red are. Not even taking into account people with colour blindness. That’s how much of a monster he is. And then there’s Jason Gardiner.
But one woman stands aside from all of those gushing Anna Wintour Wannabes and fights for the customer’s desire to get good customer service, taking under her designer wing a whole range of businesses from bakeries, charity shops and garden centres (probably). That woman is Mary Portas of course. Imagine how angry you would be if you’d just read 140 words and this was all about Fern Britton.
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Ridiculously dressed designer, John Galliano, has been found guilty of racist and anti-Semitic behaviour by a Paris court today, which means you can’t go around shouting your mouth off about Jews. Okay?
Johnny G was facing charges of “casting public insults based on origin, religious affiliation, race or ethnicity” by French authorities and was ordered to court today to pay a total fine of 17,500 euros.
However, he won’t be getting sexually assaulted in the prison showers.
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Richard Branson is a slimeball git. His greatest sleight of hand is that he’s passed himself off as some kind of lovable British eccentric who flies balloons and wants to send the wealthy on flights to the moon.
However, in reality, he’s a shitehawk who likes nothing more than ferreting vast sums of money in offshore accounts, so he doesn’t have to pay all that pesky tax.
While you all know about that, what you don’t know is that he’s developed a series of murderous houses… y’know, like that one from The Shining? And the latest victim of his nefarious masonry is Kate Winslet who nearly got burned alive. At least it would’ve put a bit of colour in her tediously pale face.
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