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Johnny Depp Likes Terrible Blues Jams With Keef As Much As Any Other Plodding Loser [VIDEO]

October 31st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

12 bar blues is a godsend for anyone who can make their way around a fretboard without ever switching their brain on. It enables bloated divs the chance to think that they can show off a little.

LOOK MAW! I DONE LEARNDID THAT GEETAW!

The Rolling Stones’ Keef Richards is a man that’s been hauling his melted ass around the world for nearly 500 years after kneeling at the altar of the blues jam and Johnny Depp has been caught jamming with the stonesman on video, pissing around with the same tired licks you’ve heard at every lousy two-bit music bar and house party.

Oh Gasp! Johnny Depp To Play Eccentric Kook, Or Dr Seuss If You Prefer

October 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Johnny Depp loves playing kooky characters doesn’t he? He’s not like those other actors who do action movies. Oh no. He plays guitar, smokes cigarettes and says having your photo taken is like being raped.

That’s our Johnny!

And now, in a move that will stagger you daft, he’s going to take on the role of children?s author Dr Seuss in a new biopic. That’s not like him is it? How very peculiar. He might even do his Hunter S. Thompson/Jack Sparrow hand wafty thing too. Amazing. What a dreamboat.

Disney Hate The Lone Ranger And Johnny Depp, Killing Them Both

August 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Have you got a thing for cowboys? Even the closeted ones from Brokeback Mountain? Do you also have a thing for the repulsively handsome Johnny Depp? Well, how about the prospect of Depp dressed up like a cowboy then? Does that tickle your pickle?

Well tough. That’s because Disney were all set to make a Depp featuring film of The Lone Ranger, ’til they decided that they really, really hate you.

That’s right! In their infinite wisdom, Walt Disney Studios have shut down production of The Lone Ranger which would have seen Johnny as Tonto and Armie Hammer (who sounds like a toothpaste) as the title character.

Johnny Depp Is Related To The Queen, Much To The Annoyance Of Anti-Royalists

May 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Do you hate the Royals? Do you wish they’d all be rounded up in some revolution (Ha! Like you lazy jerks could actually stopping messing around online long enough to actually leave the house and Smash The System!) and flogged in a public square? All of them and everyone relating to them?

Well in that case, you hate Johnny Depp. You have to get up early in the morning just to cram in enough Depp hate.

That’s because some bozo has revealed that Johnny Depp is related to Queen Elizabeth II. You heard. He’s a blue-blood now. Well, he does have a penchant for hats and shooting guns – the clues have been honking at us for years!