Donald Trump is a man of many talents; he pioneered the modern day comb over, he discovered that President Obama was actually a Senegalese street cleaner called Babacar Ousamane, causing him to resign from the Presidency and is rumoured to have been the man who killed Kim Jong-il, with a Chuck Norris style roundhouse.

But now, ‘The Donald,’ as he is known, has made his most audacious claim yet, he (and he alone) is personally responsible for the meteoric rise to fame of the 21^st Century musical behemoth, Lady Gaga.

That’s right, if it wasn’t for Donald Trump the world would never have been subjected to the second coming of Madonna.

Top man Trump, stated that it was his choice to have Gaga perform during the 2008 Miss Universe pageant. The resulting performance that she put on got tongues wagging, with people all over the world reportedly not talking about the pageant because they were too busy wondering who that entertainer was.

Naturally there was no mention of the fact that Gaga’s inaugural performance came just after the crucial Miss Universe Wank Threshold. After which it’s assumed that any and all viewers have finally reached their climax and so they’d better wheel out the performing monkey to distract them and give them a little bit of time to recover.

America’s answer to Lord Sugar wasn’t done there though.

Now that he’s successfully managed to convince everyone that he brought us Gaga, instead of simply being a bit gaga, Trump has begun work on his next outlandish claim.

Rumours have been circling Stateside that Trump is planning to claim that he is in fact the man in the moon, having acquired the advertising rights after a hostile takeover of NASA that took place just before they had to scrap the space shuttle program.

Normally when we see the ridiculous antics of groups of girls and younger gays on Twitter, clubbing together to form an online “army” and ruining Trending Topics for everyone, we usually want them all to die in a Lady Gaga inspired fire.

There’s armies for One Direction, Justin Bieber, Cheryl Cole; if you’re a modern popstar cum bumwipe, chances are you’ll have yourself an army of devoted fans eventually.

But what happens when Armies turn bad? Well, that’s what Adele is finding out as she is getting some awful things said about her over Twitter recently. Truthful and hilarious, but still awful things.

So what’s got the Gaga Army all riled? Well, Adele’s success apparently. Both the stars are up for one of those fancy award thingies (like the one that we won for being the Best Celebrity Blog Ever) to become the bestselling artist IN THE WORLD.

Alarmingly, Adele has overtaken Lady Gaga and sold one in 10 records this year. That means that not only will Adele have a rotten amount of money and we’ve got to wipe our derrieres on old copies of the News Of The World, but that 10% of all record buying peoples are clearly dicks.

Bet they all tell everyone to shut up when ‘Someone Like You’ comes on and call it ‘their song.’ Even though it’s about having an unwanted love for someone. It’s hardly the most romantic of songs. It’s the thing of violent revenge attacks. It’s literally the soundtrack to Raoul Moat’s life.

It also means that it looks like Lady Gaga will be losing out to the eclair-loving songstress.

So what do the ‘Little Monsters’, the ridiculous name given to Lady Gaga fans, do? Congratulate the “talented” singer about her success and hope her the very best in her future endeavours? Of course not. They’ve been slating her with some hilari- sorry, horrible comments. The best we’ve seen is

“Confirmed: Gaga will not be wearing her meat dress because she is afraid Adele will eat it.”

Which is funny, because it could possibly be the truth. Cheryl Cole is thinking twice about wearing her choux pastry hat with sugar strand shoulder pads for the occasion.

Obviously we would normally only criticise someone because they’ve been attacking their girlfriend Chris Brown style, or if they make Moves (on children) Like Jackson, but we do have a special bucket of hate for Adele, with her depressingly mainstream pop songs that everyone loves all the time and that she’s basically stealing the shtick of most soul stars for the past sixty years.

But we wouldn’t change a thing Adele, mainly because seeing people get harassed on Twitter can be sometimes hilarious, and is a lovely way to spend time on the toilet.

Especially during a ‘distress poo.’

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Kanye West is a man so needy that it actually makes the planet we stand on wince. That said, it is kinda fun to have this celebrity waltzing around with ideas that he’s the next Picasso rather than the standard fodder of self aggrandising rapper from the streets chat.

As such, Kanye is always keen to point out to everyone that he does things a little different. He’s a real curate’s egg of a man.

And he took himself down to by With The People and protestors at the Occupy Wall Street movement in New York City this week. And there, he showcased the classic ‘I’m not doing any interviews, to promote myself’ thing.

Ye strolled up with Russell Simmons (Def Jam founder, if you didn’t know) and must’ve thought how wonderful it was for him to be there. A musician with a conscience. Like Joan Baez. Like Bono. Those saintly guys. But he’s a rapper. A global brand with a heart.

How splendid it must be to feel that in your soul… and believe it.

And so, surrounded by the great-unwashed with their dreadlocks and signs, Kanye did what any smart musician would do an kept his mouth firmly shut (for once).

It appears that West didn’t want to get into the tricky topics surrounding the world’s finances for fear of looking stupid. Let us not forget that his diamond encrusted gob has got him into trouble in the past. Remember when he said that George Dubya Bush hated black people? Remember that?

And so, as this video shows, he basically just stands there, looking gormless. Whaddaguy!

And after he’d finished protesting against Wall Street bailouts to financial greed, what did the gold-grilled Kanye do? Why, he did what any right-minded protester who hates all that unshared wealth would do!

He attended the ‘CULO by Mazzucco’ book and art exhibition launch after-party held at NYC’s Darby Restaurant and slurped Beau Joie champagne where he talked about his exclusive fashion line that he’s launching in Paris.

Shall we all join together in a solidarity fist?

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There aren’t many people out there who take Chris Brown’s past very seriously. Apparently, we should just forget all about the whole punching Rihanna in the face repeatedly and storming around a TV studio, shirtless, throwing chairs at windows.

It’s our fault. Not his. We should just let go. Despite the fact he hasn’t ever got around to actually saying sorry. That’s probably our fault as well.

And, in another move that’s probably our fault as well, Brown has been banned from entering the UK to perform at the ill-advised Michael Jackson tribute concert in Cardiff, because he has a criminal record from punching Rihanna in the face. Loads.

That’s right folks! Chris Brown thought it was a good idea to perform at the Michael Jackson tribute concert in Cardiff, which is timed perfectly to coincide with Dr Conrad Murray’s manslaughter trial and, of course, we don’t need to mention the vague tastelessness of performing for an alleged corpse child-botherer.

However, because he’s got his own chequered past, he’s been refused a work visa.

What’s so sad is that all of these events are our fault, not his. However, what is completely his own doing is the suggestion that… and you’ll love this… Chris would perform at the Michael Forever concert as a hologram.

Yes. A hologram.

However, US authorities decided against that as well, which certainly isn’t Chris Brown’s fault.

A source says:

“It would put a negative slant on the day. The family wants to make sure the show is a fitting tribute to Michael.”

Yeah. This Michael Forever show doesn’t need much help on that score. That’s not Chris Brown’s fault either. Poor, blameless Christopher Brown.

It seems he’s taking Michael’s place as Pop Martyr.

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Lady GaGa is a woman obsessed by fame. She loves it. She likes the idea, the smell, the taste and the lumpy feel of it. She would wouldn’t she? She hasn’t been famous long enough to become jaded by the idea.

It’s all one big, vague art project to her.

And despite the fact she’s only been famous for the blink of a mayfly’s eye, that hasn’t stopped people wanting to cash in on her own clamber to the top of the popular culture pole. Let it be noted that by ‘pole’, we mean a long, slippery stick rather than a man from Warsaw. If becoming famous was as simple as humping a Polish gentleman, we’d all be at it, right? Just us? Oh.

Anyway, some jerks who work for American television have decided to make a new film which chronicles Lady GaGa’s rise to fame and fortune.

Just in time for everyone going cool on her. Seriously. We haven’t heard from her for a while and god knows our attention spans are shorter than Mike Tyson’s fuse.

Either way, executives at the Lifetime network are developing Fame Monster: The Lady Gaga Story, which will show Stefani Germanotta’s transformation from jobbing songwriter to full-on LOOK AT ME pop star.

The TV film (the new ‘straight-to-video’) will be based on Maureen Callahan’s 2010 book Poker Face: The Rise And Rise Of Lady Gaga and the script will be written by Norman Snider, who penned Kevin Spacey’s 2010 movie Casino Jack.

Lady Gaga is not involved in the project, so it can’t be that good.

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We’ve all seen rather a lot of Rihanna over the years and she’s increasingly keen to tell us all about her sex-life. Basically, she’s now sounding like one of those highly sexualised virgins you find taking self-shots on Tumblr.

Ostensibly, she’s turning into one of those tiresome young people who can’t stop talking about vaguely risque sex, but regrettably, is very easy on the eye so we all gawp like sickos every time she flashes her arse.

Yet, as we know, last week Northern Irish farmerman Alan Graham asked Rihanna to leave his field after he spotted her running around with her baps out while she shot a promotional video. And now he’s getting hatemail from Rihanna fans who are clearly the most stupid people on Earth (not including Chris Brown and Queen fans, natch).

The hugely religious farmer, with his dirty fingernails and thousand-yard stare, said that the reaction from Ri’s fans has surprised him, with one calling him a ‘bible-bashing maniac’.

Mr Graham said:

‘I’m taking it all in my stride, it’ll soon die down’

‘To be honest, all this fuss has kept me back a bit. I’ve got straw to harvest that I haven’t been able to finish yet.’

It transpires that Graham is a supporter on the DUP, which of course, was founded by Grade A mental, Ian Paisley and now headed up by Peter Robinson who is probably still crying himself to sleep every night thinking about the affair his wife had with a teenager butcher.

Still, all these men are bound by a belief in God and a complete revulsion of gay people. You’ve heard of Iris Robinson, the DUP member who said she had a friend who could ‘cure’ homosexuality? You heard about their campaign called ‘Save Ulster From Sodomy’?

Great bunch.

And so, we can only hope that Alan Graham’s newly found celebrity sees him being offered huge sums of money to appear nipple-to-nipple with Ian Paisley in the pages of Zoo or Nuts.

That’s what normally happens with overnight celebrities, right?

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When Chris Brown was at school, we imagine that he was the kid who tried his best to do everything right, but always screwed up. But, as everyone knows, Brown discovered a talent he excels at over most people.

Team Breezy, aka Deluded Lovers of Chris Brown will claim it’s the size of his love sausage following leaked photos, but people living in the real world know he’s a champion boxer.

Granted, he hasn’t battled anyone in the ring, though Rihanna has first-hand experience of how a buck toothed twerp gets rid of his frustrations. But don’t worry; all he needed to do was show he was a kind and caring individual by recording a song with crooning foetus Justin Bieber, making everything as right as a jab to the face.

Chris Brown is still capable of selling twelve tickets to fans in America though.

That said, the swaggering didn’t exempt him from a slip when performing live the other night. We have video. A video of Chris Brown falling on his stupid, stupid arse.

Unfortunately, we can’t find an edited copy of the video, so please skip the insipid music by moving to the three minute mark in the video.

We don’t want your ears to vomit do we?

Following this LOL moment, we hope that Chris Brown didn’t store up his anger of looking like an embarrassment and smash-up the catering stand in his dressing room following his performance.

The set of Good Morning America suffered a battering from the weak R&B singer when he appeared on the show when the presenters, quite justifiably, asked him why he slapped a woman around. Brown shrugged his shoulders before breaking a window and running around topless.

This time, in public at least, Chris Brown responded well to his stumble and managed to pick up the pieces to sing to his audience of tens. The little slugger even tried to make light of the situation by saying:

“I know y’all see me bust my ass! It’s because I love y’all!”

That’s right everyone, according to Chris Brown, if you want to show your love for friends, family or peers, don’t give them hugs or overpriced gifts. Instead, just fall over and then immediately get back up.

You might initially think they’re moronic or suffering a stroke, but according to the coolest cat in R&B, this is how you demonstrate mad love.

Since a judge told Chris Brown he can’t show his affections through beatings, we guess he’s had to change somehow.

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So let us get this right: It’s disgusting and pervy for a fully grown adult woman to fancy Justin Bieber, but it’s totally okay to lust after the march team of amniotic gyrators from One Direction?

Just trying to understand the psych of you monstrous men and women out there.

Anyway, womby fancy-piece, Harry Styles from Wand Erection (people still make that joke? Amazing) had a bit of an accident in G-A-Y and some cake this weekend, creating a very specific sexual interest for some of you perverts. And yes, there’s a video.

Of course, there’s already niche cake interests for you mucky sods (there’s a site dedicated to such things, which is obviously NSFW which you can see here if you really must), but this is a new thing as it involves One Direction and a distinct lack of farting.

See, One Direction took to the stage at London’s G-A-Y and were presented with a congratulatory cake for going to Number One with that song that goes on about the things that make you shy, yet supremely gullible girls so beautiful.

Naturally, being the wacky plankton that they are, they decided to start chucking the cake at the audience and themselves, starting something of a food fight.

Alas, cake has a habit of seeking its revenge for those who waste it. Harry Styles was the victim of the malicious cake, resulting in a rather splendid pratfall.

Start fiddling with yourselves now.

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Beyonce is pregnant. That’s great isn’t it? Unless you’d hoped that B and Jay Z were going to adopt you in some way. She’s 3 months gone! Wow. Wait. That means she was having sex when when Osama bin Laden got killed or Ratko Mladi? got arrested for genocide and war crimes.

It seems justice, death and open war-graves turn Beyonce on. Crikey.

While everyone koochy coos about this new baby, Kanye West is shouting “FIRST” in the comments, saying that he’s already decided that he’s going to be the godfather of this baby, regardless of what anyone else says.

It goes without saying that Kanye wants to play a significant role in the baby’s life. He wants to play a significant role in absolutely everyone’s life.

He isn’t needy at all.

And some source says:

“Kanye is as excited about the baby as Beyoncé and Jay-Z. He’s been saying he’s going to be godfather and is absolutely chuffed. It will be a huge honour for him.”

Chuffed? With that use of British slang, we can’t imagine that the source is particularly close to Kanye can we?

Either way, this source is incredibly likely to be close to be close to the mark. You can easily imagine ‘Ye wobbling around with his golden teeth and spectacularly fragile ego, staring people right in the eyeball, shouting “Imma gonna take care of this child! Imma gonna be the best godfather the world ever saw!”

Sadly, if this is the case, this poor little sod won’t ever get the chance to finish a sentence without Uncle Kanye barging in.

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Do you know who Jo Calderone is? No. Well it’s Lady Gaga in men’s underpants. Okay? And when GaGa dons some skiddy briefs, drops the ‘s’ from ‘she’, all kinds of mischief can be had, including trying to molest Britney Spears who still has the look of a mental ward about her.

Great scenes, especially given that Jo Calderone is an anagram of ‘Cajole Drone’ – the only sensible suggestion we’ve got for an analogy concerning this pair mating (or ‘Re: Jade Colon’).

Calderone presented Britney Spears with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award (no idea what that means) and tried to dry-hump the awardee on-stage before nipping off to the men’s toilets do urinate everywhere that isn’t the urinal itself. That’s impressive staying in character.

Spears said of the Calderone encounter:

“We got onstage and felt it out.”

So that’s what it’s called these days. Oddly enough, Spears told the crowd that she resisted Calderone because she didn’t want to upset Gaga.

Kissing Madonna is fine though, apparently.

And where was GaGa?

Calderone says:

“She’s really fucking pissed at me. Gaga said ‘Fuck you,’ she said, ‘If you really love me you’ll go instead of me and get in that spotlight.’ So I did.”

He added, talking about humping Britters:

“She’s fucking hot, Britney. Gaga’s my girl, but Britney’s fucking Britney Spears. Didn’t you jerk off to Britney when you were a kid?”

We have absolutely no idea what’s going on, but we think we kinda like it.

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Lady GaGa is a creature that loves wearing outlandish outfits, but seemingly, feels so restricted by clothes in general that she’s more than willing to tear them off at any given point, ensuring that just about everyone has seen her boobies.

And she’s at it again, flopping them out all over her ivories.

That’s right bap-fans – GaGa is getting them out again, this time while singing a jazzy (read ‘Bublesque’) version of her latest record, You & I. And yes, you can be disappointed in it over the jump.

In the black and white video, GaGa promotes the MTV VMA 2011 thingy, which means she strips off for… ummm… some art-school reason or other.

She’s right to tart one off for MTV though as they’re looking after her by tickling her ego and nominating her for four VMAs, including Best Female Video and Best Video With a Message for Born This Way, as well as Best Art Direction and Best Choreography for Judas.

But you’re not interested in any of that are you?

You just want to see some famous breasts don’t you? Or indeed, you just want to watch it to feel disappointed or angry about the state of the world.

Well here you go then.

Boobs.

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Do you leave tips in restaurants? If there’s a few of you, you all chuck a quid in each because that seems about right? Well, you’re nothing but a sickening tightwad because, when Jay Z leaves a tip, he really leaves a tip.

We’re not talking about a tip like “condoms make excellent fingerprint disguisers if you’re robbing a chemist” or anything like that.

We’re talking about Jigga going to some place and leaving them with a $50,000. Tell that to Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs.

It’s fair to say that Jay has a bit of money to throw around. This tip came on the back of him spending a buttock tightening $250,000 on champagne at the launch party for his and Kanye West’s new (pretty lousy) album, Watch The Throne.

After some time off, it seems rappers are back in the game when it comes to vulgar displays of wealth. Christ knows what will happen with our Premier League footballers now, ever eager to copy their hip hop idols.

J-Hova wasn’t done there. He also produced $95,000 from his gold plated throat to pay for a 15 litre bottle of Armand de Brignac’s special Ace of Spades bubbly.

A witness said:

“It takes two people to serve the champagne due to the size and weight of the bottle!”

Another onlooker spat:

“I WANTED A PEAR CIDER Y’PRICK!”

Previously, Johnny Depp wowed everyone by leaving a $1,150 tip somewhere, while Jessica Simpson left a $300 tip for the $500 bill at a New York restaurant.

But Jiggaman has made them look like heartless bastards.

Lady GaGa is learning to surf. Ain’t that great? She’s learning to surf in Mexico’s Puerto Vallarta, which must be a lovely way to spend your time. Don’t bother with all that Promoting Your New Single lark. Just take your bushy bushy blonde hairdo to the beach and go surfin’.

The best news is that she’s making “excellent progress”. Aren’t you glad?

Of course, we’re hoping that she’s learning to surf, so she can eventually don her meat frock and ride the waves as a moving target for sharks. If you’re famous and want to make the transition to Legend, then it is a good idea to die young, and die weird. What could be better than getting yourself into the annals of rock history by being mauled to death by a Great White while surfing in a dress made of beef? She should learn shark and shout “You guys are pussies! You guys get beat up by those bitch bottlenose dolphins!” too.

A source says, in tones so crushingly tedious that our ears folded in on themselves:

“For a relative beginner she took to surfing really well. She started quite slowly learning how to body-board and then she was able to work up to standing – she made excellent progress.

“She has been very relaxed since she arrived at the resort and is looking to unwind from her punishing timetable on the road.”

Of course, seeing as she’s a mermaid in her new video, she shouldn’t bother with stupid surf boards (the business card of the middle class dickhead ‘taking a year off to find themselves’). She should ride the crest of a wave on her fishy tail, letting out blood curdling screams like Daryl Hannah in Splash.

Either way, this surfing thing won’t be of any use to us, unless she’s prepared to have some kind of Kirsty MacColl/Sean Kingston style accident.

Right?

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Lady GaGa has a new video out again for us to all split into two camps about. One camp is the “Hurray! She’s weird and fresh! Just what pop needs!”, the other is the “Boo! She’s an idiot! An attention seeking idiot! Make her go away!”

This promo for ‘You And I’ will be no different as it features a sexually charged GaGa (or three) messing about with vomit, mermaids, quiffs and Heston Blumenthal.

What? Really? Yes. It’s all a warning about the perils of mixing fish with ice-cream.

So how do you go about warning people away from the prospect of fish flavoured ice-cream?

You may think that this is a message that doesn’t really need conveying. Fish and ice-cream? It sounds disgusting. That may well be the case, but for those curious sorts out there, you need to learn the lessons GaGa has.

Fish ice-cream will ruin your life.

Before we get going, here’s Lady GaGa’s seemingly innocent video for ‘You And I’. Watch it, and then we’ll tell you the secrets that lie within.

Like many, Gaga loves ice-cream so much that it actually hurts. She’s sinks to her pointy little knees in agony at the rear of an ice-cream truck. But this is no ordinary ice-cream truck.

This is ice-cream made by a toothless pervert. It’s his favourite flavour – mermaid hair.

Of course, mermaid hair ice-cream isn’t very nice and something of an acquired taste. So, the only viable alternative is to eat someone’s chin.

Of course, having someone nibble your chin while your breath smells like fishy hair is rather arousing. Gaga likes people nibbling her chin just as much as she likes ice-cream. How do we know? Well, all of her clothes have accidentally fallen off.

And what happens when people’s clothes fall off? They do the sex. The sex is always followed by a post coital cigarette, right? But who’s that man on the piano? Is it Mr Chin Nibbler?

No! It’s Lady GuyGuy!

However, mermaid hair ice-cream is so potent, that mixed with having your chin nibbled, it turns you into a ravenous sexpot. Lady GaGa soon ditches ol’ Lady GuyGuy and starts making out with some other dude! It is here that we begin to see the worrying after effects of fish flavoured ice-cream.

While Joe Smokestabs administers ice-cream in the usual fashion (in a cone, with nicotine stained fingers), this new guys has the moves! He’s some kind of experimental Heston Blumenthal type chef who administers ice-cream through strange contraptions.

And this new chap is not only experimental with his desserts. He’s so good at sex that he can turn you into a fish. This, of course, is an allegory for being promiscuous. It all becomes clear. Mr Sexy Sexy may well be the exciting option, but he’s riddled with STDs. He’s a playa, as the folks of Geraldo probably say.

Look at the fishy sex! This is clearly a set-up which requires us to mention the smell of a poorly vagina. The smell of fish.

And what does a poorly vagina make us do? Lady GuyGuy demonstrates with a nice vomit brought about by anxiety, anger and the smell of a fishy vagina. Damn.

So what have we learned? Don’t trust a man who administers his penis at you in weird ways because, chances are, it will make you smell like fishy ice-cream and make your ex-partner puke with disgust. A lesson for us all there.

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Kanye West and Jay Z have got together to make supreme ego project, Watch The Throne. The first single taken from it is called ‘Otis’. Is that something to do with the people who make shopping centre escalators?

Of course it isn’t. That’s a stupid notion. But well done if you’ve ever noticed that mall escalators are made by a company called Otis. You’re as sad as we are.

No, this new track is called ‘Otis’ because it leans heavily on a sample taken from Otis Redding’s most famous track, ‘Try A Little Tenderness’. A little too heavily if you ask us. But what is the video like? Well, lets pull it to pieces shall we?

While the new release has broken all kindsa records, there’s a palpable sense that this won’t be remembered as a classic in years to come. Of course, the duo have their own impressive back catalogues to contend with, and more importantly, who cares what jerk-off critics like us think of such things, right?

However, there was a certain amount of confusion surrounding the lead track when it was announced.

See, we weren’t listening properly and were convinced that Jay and ‘Ye had decided to remake forgotten ’80s cartoon, Ovid Video when we heard that there was going to be an ‘Otis’ video.

Looking at the cartoon in question, we’re not sure that even J Hova could make this tune cool.

No, instead, we’ve been treated to this impressively dull promotional video which shows our protagonists… well… not really doing anything at all.

First off, we see Jay and West approaching an expensive looking car with some implements of death. These are the kind of things you would want someone to throw in your underpants. Meanwhile, a team of Top Gear Stig’s look on nervously, hoping that the tools will be taken to the body of the car, rather than an ad-hoc circumcision.

Mercifully for the Stig balls, the video quickly turns into awful Sunday afternoon show, Scrapheap Challenge. And bit of car are cut up despite there being nothing noticeably wrong with it.

An the tinkering with a perfectly good car continue, for reasons unclear. It seems like such a daft waste of cash, given that we’re in a dreadful financial predicament. The folly of rich men is laid bare, much like the track itself.

And so, from the kind of car a managing director might drive… to this. Mad Max meets the DeLorean from Back To The Future. A fire breathing daftmobile which is insanely impractical. How are you going to get the shopping in that? It looks too wide for a drive-thru as well. They really hadn’t thought this through had they? Silly celebrities.

And here they are, stood before the Stars ‘n’ Stripes. It’s the American dream. The ability to confidently throw your money around like it’s going out of fashion! What could possibly go wrong?

See? Look how much fun they’re having! They can’t stop laughing! They’ve chopped a car up, made it shoot fire out of the back and everything couldn’t be more hilarious!

And how the girls in the back laugh too! Wait! Not one of them is Beyonce! And surely it isn’t safe to have a unsafe road vehicle that breathes fire tearing up the place with four girls sat in the back with no seatbelts on. This is the kind of reckless behaviour that kills people. And all they can do is laugh?

Ever the gentleman (despite the fact he’s in a car with a bunch of girls who aren’t his wife), Jay decided to walk alongside the monster car. Sadly, some bloke in a suit has decided to jump in, making the whole thing a mockery.

And so, our heroes leave the car completely for a nice pray. They pray that no-one gets hurt by this junkyard motor. They also pray that no-one can see straight through their forced bon homie.

Then they forget about all that health and safety nonsense and decide to laugh uproariously in their car again. Kanye can barely remember the death of his mother after a botched bout of plastic surgery! He’s got women behind him, laughing their legs off! This is the funniest car journey in history! They’re probably listening to the Ying Tong Song to make it even funnier! What japes!

Then they blow up some tiny boxes and go home for some Ovaltine, assured that they’ve had a very productive day. How splendid it must be to be able to polish such expensive turds.

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