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Now we know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that we can’t possibly top yesterday’s Eurovision profile.
And you’re right. We can’t. Yesterday we profiled the worst Eurovision song in history, and nothing can come close to even equalling its magnificent awfulness. But here’s the next best thing – the favourite to win Eurovision. Relax, though – it’s performed by a child who’ll you’ll probably want to injure.
Here, then, is the Eurovision 2009 profile for Alexander Rybak from Norway…
Because it's Christmas time, it's time to wander around the high street like everyone else to try and buy presents for your cherished loved ones.
Well that’s a lie – actually you have to purchase stuff for relatives you see once every three years who still call you Jimmy by mistake and who keep on getting you a Now compilation CD because they think its “cool”. Anyhow, at the end of December your bank balance is as dry as the turkey your mum serves up on Christmas day and you don’t have any money to go out on New Years Eve even though everything is overpriced and generally shit anyway. However, somebody out there has too much money. Instead of lending us a tenner so we can do better than buying supermarket-brand aftershave for our dad, they’ve only gone out and spent $4 million dollars on the JK Rowling book.
