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Dan Brown’s New Book To Pester You On The Internet All Summer

by Stuart Heritage

When Dan Brown writes a new book, he doesn’t need to advertise it – the book can advertise itself.

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WEBTHUMP! Tuesday 17 March 2009

by Stuart Heritage

10 – RABBIT VS SNAKE! – I Am Bored

9 – Six point-missing movie remakes – Cracked

8 – Speaking of which, there’s going to be a Fantastic Four remake. Yes, already – RT

7 – A new site that women will like and men will like secretly – Domesticsluttery

6 – Reasons we wished we lived in the past, number 32 – Image

5 – Facebook’s stupid redesign makes the news – Telegraph

4 – Bionic people: a list – Paste

3 – Please, someone buy us one of these – NYT

2 – Here, have some weird infomercials – Manofest

1 – The funnest city council in the whole world…

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Aaron Sorkin Writes ‘Facebook: The Utterly Unwanted Movie’

by Stuart Heritage

Like many people, we spend half our bloody lives on Facebook being all like “Oho, look, Ian’s updated his status to ‘Ian doesn’t understand’! Gosh!”

But that doesn’t mean that we want to see a Facebook movie ever. Ever ever ever ever ever. Which is a pain in the bum because Aaron Sorkin, the brain behind The West Wing and Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, is only going to jolly well write one, isn’t he?

Not to be outdone, MySpace has also decided to make a movie – except that’ll be made by Uwe Boll off his chops on cattle tranquiliser, trapped in a kaleidoscope factory and given a budget of 50p and a cast of nearly-naked women whose dialogue only consists of the line “HEY! Want to get LAID Tonite?” repeated every three seconds until blood starts to trickle out of your face.

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Paris Hilton Poked Chris DeWolfe… No, Wait – That’s Facebook

by Ian Dransfield

Does Paris Hilton even have a MySpace account? Surely she’s one of those types that gets their profile banned for being far, far too whorish for the young audience of the site? It would appear Paris has special dispensation, however, as she is reportedly ‘dating’ – or whatever the kids call it these days – [...]

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Lee Ryan Out The Running For Father Of The Year

by Matthew Laidlow

For ages, hecklerspray believed that the most intimate act a married couple could engage in was the exchange of saliva when ramming their tongues down each others throats. However, we were proven wrong when we were told that a couple can prove their love for each other by ‘creating a baby’. This literally knocked us [...]

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REM’s New Album Gets All Facebooky

by Stuart Heritage

Believe it or not, there’s more to Facebook than becoming friends with people you never really liked and playing games of Scrabble that last for three months.

Because now Facebook is getting in on the free music revolution, by letting REM stream their new album Accelerate through Facebook application iLike a full week before it gets physically released.

The implications for this are huge – if the REM experiment works it might become normal for bands to use Facebook as pre-release tools, changing the face of music forever. Although, let’s not forget that we’re talking about an REM album that wasn’t released in the early-to-mid nineties, so perhaps the only real implication involves millions of Facebook uses updating their status to ‘underwhelmed.’

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Facebook Founder Depresses Us All With His Ridiculous Wealth

by hecklerspray staff

We ran a race once when we were ten and got second place. Second place isn’t bad for a chubby little kid with a bad perm. We got a medal and everything. Do you think they gave a medal to the person that came in 785th place in that race? Do you? Well, they most certainly didn’t. Not only because there were only about 30 kids in the race, but also because 785th place isn’t really a place at all. It’s hundreds of spots away from the winner. It’s where the losers hang out.

Know who’s a 785th place loser, too? Facebook originator Mark Zuckerberg, that’s who. What a slacker. He’s probably all boo-hoo about being 785th place. What’s that? The thing for which he placed 785th was the list of richest people in the world?

Well, then that’s not too shabby out of billions of people, now is it.

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Kylie Minogue Gets A Sort Of MySpacey Thing All About Her

by Stuart Heritage

Social networking has literally revolutionised the way you keep in touch with people you didn’t want to be friends with in the first place, but Kylie Minogue has identified one very serious design flaw.

That is, social networking is fine, but by and large people don’t talk about Kylie Minogue very much. Happily, though, Kylie Minogue has remedied this by creating a Facebook-style social network site that’s all Kylie Minogue all the time. KylieKonnect is the place where Kylie Minogue fans can register their details, keep in closer contact with Kylie than ever before and share their passion for all things Kylie with all the other Kylie fans in the world. Needless to say, KylieKonnect is probably the gayest little website the world has ever seen.

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