Christmas; what a wonderful time of year. Already, town and city centres are awash with twinkling neon as they light up vomit fuelled streets and alleyways. Until Jesus’ birthday approaches, we’ll be gorging on advent calendars, cheap sherry and telling carol singers to bugger off.

Everyone experiences the same Christmas traditions. Mum will blame dad for not buying the sinister sounding pigs in blankets and someone will make the ye olde joke about giving the turkey a good stuffing. But what’s the one item we can all relate at this time of year? Festive music of course!

Over the years, we’ve got used to Mariah Carey, Slade and John Lennon getting airtime. Now, it’s common practice for artists to release cash-in albums, and with Canadian midget and alleged impregnator Justin Bieber leading the way, we’re destined for a miserable Yule. In the UK, the pop charts have been dominated by X Factor contestants reaching number one, but this year, it mightn’t be so easy for them as Nirvana and Amy Winehouse have depressingly entered the race.

Nirvana and Amy Winehouse; the only thing that they have in common is that they’re no longer with us. Just like Jesus. Musically, Nirvana made a short career from making dire and moody music that connected with da kidz of the early nineties. Elsewhere, Amy Winehouse couldn’t do anything wrong when she stepped into a recording studio, but unfortunately personal demons such as alcohol addiction proved her untimely demise. Whilst Cobain and Winehouse are both bonding with the earthworms, there are very different reasons why they’re about to re-enter the charts.

Nirvana are essentially this year’s crap novelty Facebook campaign entry. People who don’t watch X Factor tend to complain that the show’s eventual winner will get an easy ride to number one. These are the same people who spend their time illegally downloading twenty albums a week and not bothering to go out and support the artist they’re stealing from.

Therefore, this gives them a twisted platform to step on and complain that the “real” music they listen to never enters the charts. A few years ago, dweebs on Facebook launched a campaign to hijack Joe McElderry’s chart bid by getting Rage Against The Machine to number one. They succeeded. Big sodding whoop.

It still seems weird that Amy Winehouse is dead. Passing away only a few months ago, there was an initial sales burst of ‘Back to Black’ which is always weird. Why buy a record when the artist has just kicked the bucket? Not like they’re going to be around to reap the benefits. Anyway, the difference between Winehouse and Nirvana is that she was reported to be working on new material. Regardless of the songs being the completed article, they’re about to be released in the form of twelve track album “Lioness.” A mix of new recordings and old demos, the first single will be a cover of Ruby & The Romantics song, “Our Day Will Come.” Cynics may call it a cash-in, but some of the albums profits will go towards a charity to help addicts.

According to reports, these are the latest odds for the musical dead:

“A Facebook campaign was launched earlier this year to help the band’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ to the Christmas Number One spot ahead of the winner of this year’s X Factor and bookmakers Ladbrokes have responded by naming the track as the second favourite at 4/1. Amy Winehouse is given odds of 12/1 to top the chart.”

What’s this? Only second favourite to claim the top spot? Have 2Pac or Jam Master Jay got a release to drop around the festive period? No you div, you’ll never stop the X Factor single Christmas release train as X Factor part timer Amelia Lily is favourite to win the show and release a crap cover version at odds of 7/2.

That’s it, go spoil a young girls dream by campaigning for old musicians who’ve had their glory in the charts. As pointless campaigns go, this rules supreme.

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Soulja Boy, a chap who has made a career out of singing like a deaf cow having a giant pineapple inserted into its anus, is in trouble with the law. Great for the street-cred, not so good with the whole avoiding a raping in the prison showers.

See, the ‘rapper’ (real name Clangy Van Heusen) got released on bail after appearing in a Georgia court on drug and weapons charges.

Soulja would like to take a moment to tell you that he is innocent, okay?

Soulja eloquently stated on twitter:

“Aye can I have a real … moment? my fans was DEEP … OUTSIDE THAT JAIL MAN IM SORRY!!! thats love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Get that? Are you crying about how beautiful that statement was?

Of course, Soulja has been in a fair amount of trouble recently, being accused of being a giganto homophobe (his Facebook was hacked, apparently) as well as making the whole of the American Army angry by dissing them in one terrible record he made.

And now he’s here, saying sorry all over again.

“I missed 10 interviews today for my new movie! To those companies i’m sorry! you can see I had a lil situation. the show must go on.”

Soulja Boy (real name Clemence Clawhammer) and four chums were arrested earlier in the week near the Alabama border. A cheeky little search of the vehicle revealed three guns, more than 5 ounces of marijuana and less than $50,000 in cash, police said.

And all because of a broken tag light. Seriously rappers. Keep your cars in the kind of condition you keep your trainers in, and you’d avoid 90% of your arrests.

Oh. And stop smoking so much weed in your cars. Serious. Either way, the rapper wants to point out how innocent he is.

“I’m innocent man. I love you all. I just want you’ll to know I’m innocent”

Or, in English, ‘I thought I was above the law, but I’ve got a friend who could do with the cash more than me, so we’re going to pin it all on him and then look after him when he gets out of jail.’

Possibly.

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The American army are all big and tough aren’t they? They won WWII single-handedly according to the movies and did a grand job in Vietnam and are currently in the Middle East, posing next to pictures of people being tortured.

Don’t mess with the American armed forces, right? They can withstand anything!

Apart from, that is, people calling them names. The old adage of ‘sticks and stones’ doesn’t apply to the US military because that’s what hurts them the most. If only Al-Qaeda knew this from the off! They could’ve battered America just by calling them all nasty names. It would’ve saved a lot of money on pilot training too. And we know this because of something that Soulja Boy has done.

That’s right. Weedy little deaf-hop star (seriously, have you heard his voice? He’s like a seal on fire) has made the US Army cry with some words.

Soulja has a new song called ‘Let’s Be Real’ and he says “Fuck the FBI and the army troops.” That’s it. No context. Just, fuck ‘em in general. Of course, the FBI are hard as nails and couldn’t give two hoots about these lyrics as they’re out in the world doing really nails things and not wasting their time listening to songs made by someone who used to have his swag on.

However, the US Army are all jumpy and have had their feelings well and truly hurt, leaving stores run by the United States Department of Defense crying into their khaki handkerchiefs and promising not to stock Soulja Boy’s upcoming album.

Not only that, some douche called Sgt Dunson has decided to record his own rap, which is full of naughty words against Soulja.

Dunson spits:

“What an ungrateful little fucker. This is my response video.”

Soulja, of course, has apologised. He adds though, pertinently:

“As a young man who grew up in the post-9/11 era, I have watched our country fight two wars that seem like they are never going to end. I have seen thousands and thousands of our brave men and women get killed in battle and often times, I think for what? A lot of people in this country are struggling to make ends meet and I think a lot about what if we had never gone to war.”

Yeah. Ungrateful little fucker.

Here’s Sgt Bumson’s response. Now can’t we all just sit down quietly and agree that both parties are deeply unlikeable now?

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Do this for us. Firstly, plug up your ears with cotton wool. Okay? Done that? Now, rest a snooker ball under your tongue. Got that? Now, sing “yeeeah, got my swag on” while running down a flight of stairs.

Congratulations! You sound exactly like Soulja Boy, the kid who found fame with his voice despite sounding like someone was pulling teeth from a lively bovine.

In fairness, you don’t sound exactly like Soulja Boy because you aren’t shooting your mouth off at everyone, especially some rather fruity racial and homophobic slurs, which appeared on his Facebook page over the weekend.

It appeared that Soulja had gotten tired of people ‘hating on him’ (a strange concept. ‘Hating’ is surely done ‘at’ you, rather than ‘on’, right?) and flipped his lid.

Comments on the rapper’s Facebook page included:

“IM TIRED OF WHITE PEOPLE DOING US LIKE THIS MAN!! THEY TREAT US SO WRONG!! FUCK THEM.”

As well as the delightful

“I’m gonna keep talking shit to these white faggots until they unlike my page. fucking weirdo stalkers!”

Now, those are tough and plausible words from a scamp that has previously told Ice-T to ‘eat a dick’, as well as calmly stating to Bow Wow that he was about to ‘SHITTTT ON THIS NIGGA!! LOL!!!!!’ as well as getting caught on video with a load of toot on a table.

However, he’s not a nasty person. Oh no. How could he be?

And in a statement, he’s now saying, with spelling that belies his previous talents:

“I wanted to clear the air and let everyone know that my Facebook got hacked.”

Aaaah! It was pesky hackers!

“I had administrators on my account that no longer work with me. The hackers used these old accounts to post hateful messages. This was not done by me or anyone on my team and I’m upset that I am being labeled as a racist and homophobic person.”

Nice that, while growing as a person, he’s also learned how to use capital letters and punctuation properly (which is more than you can say about us).

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Do you remember when Facebook had groups that you could join, before they introduced the concept of pages that you could, ‘like?’

Well, back when there were groups, a lot of people used to set up groups with titles such as, “If 1,000,000 people join this group my wife will let me name our first born child Spider Man.”

Because people are morons.

None of these groups ever really came to fruition though, apparently even morons have either some common sense, or a Panda like talent for lacking the ability to pro-create.

Until now that is.

Yes, a couple from Israel has decided that an appropriate name for their offspring, their legacy, and the person to carry on their name and bloodline is… ‘Like.’

You know, Like. As in what you do when one of your friends puts up a funny status or a photo of you vomiting onto a garden gnome.

Like’s parents, Lior and Vardit Adler (who’s names are foreign, as opposed to silly), have given their child the ridiculous moniker because of how much they love Facebook’s like feature and how, “modern and fresh,” the name seemed to them.

Did we mention they have another daughter named Pie?

They also have a third child called Honey, but that’s not nearly as funny since celebrities started naming their children after stuff they found on their tables.

But what will the future hold for little Like?

Probably a lot of bullying, although by the time Like is old enough to be bullied, Facebook will probably have folded and Tesco’s social network will be reigning supreme, dishing out Clubcard points willy nilly.

We also can’t help but think that little Like’s unusual name will leave her questioning whether or not her parents really love her, or simply just like her.

One thing’s for sure, Lior and Vardit took an old joke too far and now their child has to live with the consequences.

Twats.

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The internet is full of dicks (hecklerspray excluded, of course). Just take a look around: there’s that kid over there, blogging about his pathetic existence; that tweeting celebrity, moaning about their insufferable riches; and what about Justin Bieber? Ergh.

The internet is a horrible cesspit of words and pictures, never more aptly demonstrated than in social hub Facebook.

It’s also appropriate then that the story behind the invention of the 21^st Century’s most dominating stalker tool, The Social Network, is as full of nauseating idiots as its millions of inhabitants.

Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) is rich. This is a fact that he lets us know almost immediately as the non-linear nature of the film flitters to the Facebook creator’s later court cases surrounding the site. Yet, his ascension from mumbling genius to curly-haired billionaire isn’t about the money; it’s about notoriety.

It’s an interesting contrast to the virtual, faceless nature of electronic communication that Zuckerberg’s fascination with gaining access to exclusive university clubs and his reputation are the only measures of success he requires.

However, it’s not always Mark at the centre of the drama.

Facebook co-founder, Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield), open wallet to Zuckerberg at Facebook’s inception, feels as if he’s being pushed out of the business he helped to build, when Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake – proving his acting chops) enters the frame. Parker, co-creator of Napster, is everything Zuckerberg wants to be: effortlessly hip, attractive and the inventor of technology that changed how we live our life – he’s probably got a big penis as well. Clearly, he’s important.

However, this isn’t just a simple tale on Facebook’s invention. While Saverin sues Mark for his mistreatment, frat-boy rich kids, the Winklevoss twins and their cohort, Divya Narendra, also jump on the legal bandwagon, suing Zuckerberg claiming to be the originators of Facebook. Nothing is clear-cut, as the film doesn’t concern itself with taking sides, instead allowing for each performance to speak for itself.

Eisenberg and Garfield are the standouts, with the former latching onto quirks, quick witticisms and vomiting intellectual babble with impressive momentum. Praise also has to be shouldered on the insufferably likeable Timberlake and the impressively named Armie Hammer, the latter playing both twins with some cunning technological wizardry.

Director David Fincher has a masterful handle on the storytelling, jumping between the early days of Facebook and the ensuing court cases. It’s all helped by a fantastic script by Aaron Sorkin, former West Wing scribe, here transferring his talents onto a story people in the UK give a shit about. He takes his time to make each character resonate and sympathetic in each of their own struggles.

The Social Network is one of the finest contemporary dramas ever and will probably get marked as one of the defining films of the generation. It might even frighten some people to know that it’s not even about Facebook at all but a story about interaction. Friendship, romance, business, they’re all analysed through the invention of that cursed online portal.

It doesn’t matter whose side you’re on by the movie’s end, what you’ll walk away with in one of the most brilliantly told true stories of today.

If you don’t like it, we’re going to unfriend you.

‘spray rating: 5/5

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Early and late.

Folded:

• For Your Height Only (3ft tall Bond kicking ass? You’re welcome)
• Michael Douglas photobombing (love this guy)
• The King’s Speech poised to win the world (oh, but it is jolly good)
• A man from the early nineties singing (your bodyweight in crisps for whoever has the guts to admit how great this song is)
• Follow Betfair on Twitter (you will laugh with every single tweet. Even the ones about betting)

Creased:

• Madonna will probably die soon (here’s the proof)
• Baby in a microwave toy? (off to Japan we go)
• The mystery of Facebook Likes (if you feel yourself warming to Mark Zuckerberg, read this and think of him in his stupid flipflops again)
• BBC uses the world’s most offensive swear word ever. Again (they can’t help themselves)
• Black Swan (only because we are sick to death of hearing about it. Good film though)

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is apparently a really nice guy. Him and some of his nerdy mates have pledged to give all their stupidly vast fortunes away to noble causes either during their lifetimes or after their death.

Presumably this is so we all forget all the data and privacy problems Facebook has been plagued with recently, plus the way Zuckerberg was portrayed as the world’s biggest bell-end in David Fincher’s film, The Social Network.

Bill Gates, the lord of the geeks and former one man bank came up with the scheme to get the obscenely wealthy to say they’ll give their billions away at some point down the line to benefit the less fortunate, with his wife Melinda and some fella named Warren Buffett (who we’re reliably informed is some sort of investment banker, you know, like Chris Bates from the Apprentice).

But we here at Hecklerspray still won’t forgive him for that bloody paperclip, no-matter how many copies of the Big Issue he buys.

Naturally, the news that Mark Zuckerberg is pledging to give all his cash away to the needy isn’t something you’d traditionally expect people to take the mickey out of, but we aren’t a traditional blog.

Zuckerberg recently rolled out a new Facebook page design, which for once didn’t result in all 500 million members joining groups called, “GET FACEBOOK TO CHANGE BACK, THE NEW LAYOUT IS CRAP!!!11ONE112!” He’s also been on a bit of a PR trail following the release of The Social Network, doing more interviews and public appearances, portraying himself as just a nice guy, albeit a nice guy whose bank statements has more zeros than a list of X-Factor contestants.

Now, we’re not suggesting that Saint Zuckerberg is resorting to the cheap tactic of making a sizeable charity donation in order to raise his public profile. But let’s face it, he probably is.

Maybe we should all go back to Myspace, at least Tom was our friend.

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Thank Heavens an incongruous group of self-publicising celebrities are finally allowed back on Twitter and Facebook, to shill products in messages that are really ads – thank you, Khloe Kardashian.

The stars in question are some of Twitter and Facebook’s most prolific, including Kardashian sisters Kim and Khloe, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, Ryan Seacrest, and the charity’s figurehead Alicia Keys. These stars were to stay ‘Digitally Dead’ from December 1, World Aids Day, until their fundraising goal of $1 million was reached. Although, there were reports of some rotters cheating.

However, things didn’t go according to plan and everything went silent for the better part of a week. Because, as it turns out, people rather prefer silent celebrities to donating.

After four days $200,000 had been reached, with the total some weeks away. Then came some further large donations, taking them to the halfway point.

And then, came all of the remaining half-a-million dollars. In one go. From one person. Revealed to be billionaire pharmaceutical mogul and philanthropist, Stewart Rahr.

Much to the chagrin of people who realised this week that silent Kardashians were the best kind, the stars have gone back online. And some children’s lives will be saved. Or something.

We’re not sure about that last part, as every one reporting today is neglecting to mention those pesky, sickly children in any detail.

Take it away, The Superficial:

After not even six whole days, the celebrities involved in the Keep a Child Alive campaign managed to convince a billionaire to donate $500,000 so they can all return to Twitter after it was starting to look like it’d be awhile until they could shill for Best Buy again. So, on that note, I took the liberty of screen-capping their post-”death” tweets so the world can see what stupid kids dying of AIDS were keeping us from. It was practically criminal.

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so three stinkin’ cheers for that.

Thanks to your hideous face and your tremendous amount of chins, there’s a good chance you’ve spend many hours trying to make your Facebook profile pictures look half decent.

You continually try to fool people into thinking you’re actually good looking. Or funny. Or popular. hecklerspray knows your pain. Collectively, we look like the contents of a melted doll factory.

And so, in what is clearly an advertorial where you can win stuff, why not put all that time and effort into good use and get free stuff from Uncle Sony?

Sony are prepared to give away a load of their lovely NEX-5 cameras in exchange for your hideous face.

No, they don’t want you to cut it off and post it in a jiffy bag, but rather, upload your wonderfully crafted Facebook profile photo.

The Profile Hero competition allows you to upload your picture into one of 5 different categories, or all of them if you really think your picture is that special.

However, it isn’t as simple as that. You have to collect votes to win, with the highest-ranked picture in each category winning an NEX-5 camera (worth £549) each week.

The NEX-5 is designed for people who want something better than a standard compact digital camera but don’t want a gigantic SLR which will make them look like a hipster. It’s worth pointing out that the quality of snaps is pretty much up there with the latter.

If the thought of a free camera isn’t enough to get you going, the picture with the most votes at the end of the 4-week Profile Hero competition wins a luxury trip for 2 to Rome, plus an extra NEX-5 camera for the winner’s holiday pal, which is nice isn’t it?

The categories are pretty much what you’d expect, with chances for family pics, sporty pics, solo pics, travel pics and party pics. Presumably, anyone displaying a pouty, duck-face snap from a night out will be roundly mocked by all concerned. If not, they should.

The competition runs for 4 weeks, so you have plenty of time to crop and chop your profile pic collection into winning shape. Or make you look even vaguely human.

Click here to enter and win things!

The Daily Mail was enjoying its moment in the sun this week as the originators of a genuine ‘internet phenomenon’- the cigar guy snapped at the Ryder Cup by one of their own photographers. Yep, it took a week off from articles about suicide websites, and middle class houses being destroyed by Facebook-alerted gatecrashers, to decide this technology thing might be a bloody good wheeze after all.

What isn’t fun at all though are drugs. Especially when taken by successful hard-working people.

After Nigel Kennedy’s recent admittance to smoking marijuana the Mail’s comment section, whilst discussing children selling drugs at school, put the blame on celebrities such as “classical music’s self-styled bad-boy”. Only in Mailworld is a 53 year-old classical violinist a corrupting influence on the youth of today.

A man whose contribution to his ‘bad-boy’ image up until that point started and ended with spiky hair and a ridiculous accent. That James Dean- he’s got a lot to answer for as well. And don’t get us started on that Thomas Beckett. Bloody turbulent priest, someone should do something about him. Maybe that Tony Martin fella that shot the burglar a few years back?

The Star scraped the bucket on Tuesday when they published a grainy picture of what could have frankly been Coleen and Wayne Rooney look-a-likes with the headline ‘Coleen’s New Hooker Agony’.

What had Wayne done this time? Been found handcuffed to a four-poster bed whilst being flogged naked with vuvuzelas by geisha girls? No, Coleen’s agony was caused by being “surrounded by hookers” on the “second honeymoon”. By “surrounded by hookers”, what the Star actually meant is ‘in Prague which happens to have a lot of prostitutes in it’, and by “second honeymoon” what they meant was ‘Coleen’s work assignment which Wayne tagged along to’.

The big entertainment story was of course Gamugate. To summarise for those that like their news being about things of vague importance- X-factor contestant Gamu Nhengu was kicked off the show, and later in the week was facing possible deportation.

Tuesday’s Sun did extensive research and told us the story using the international measurement for outrage- Facebook group members (127’000 and rising). The Mail covered the story on Tuesday, giving voice to fans who considered the decision racist in light of doubts over Gamu’s immigration status.

Perhaps ‘giving voice’ is generous since it was more ‘giving Neandertal grunting noise’.

The Mail made the Sun’s counting of Facebook group members look positively investigative- they just copied and pasted comments; “Is it just me or is racism still alive” said one idiot in a poignant outburst that shames us all. “Cheryl is so daft. I mean, just because Africa gave you malaria doesn’t mean you should take it out on poor Gamu” was another fantastic accusation.

Perhaps Ashley Cole could have been given a tenth chance to save their marriage if his blackness hadn’t been a constant reminder of her nemesis- the continent of Africa.

Meanwhile on page 17- ‘An Extra 139,000 migrants in UK jobs’.

On Wednesday their coverage continued, focusing on whether she might be deported. And again, on good old page 17 – ‘Official figures reveal full impact on migrant flux’. Having read further though, the official figures had not been confirmed as Facebook group so couldn’t be considered reliable.

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The good people of Americaland have decided that it’s worth watching The Social Network. This weekend it topped the box office charts. Is it any good? The consensus seems to be ‘who cares? It’s got Justin Timberlake in it.’

And how weird is it that someone has decided to make a film about something so current? It’s like Justin Bieber releasing an autobiography. Neither of these things, sadly, have died yet.

Anyway, there’s a trailer of the film which you can watch, which is embedded further into this article. Yep. You’ve guess it. This is the ‘filler’ bit of the article which we write so the formatting doesn’t go weird.

So what is The Social Network about? People ‘liking’ stuff and sodding Farmville?

Of course not. That would be rubbish.

Nope, we walk in on the action on an autumnal evening in 2003 where Harvard undergrad and computer programming geek Mark Zuckerberg sits down at his computer and heatedly begins working on a new idea.

In a fury of blogging and programming, what begins in his dorm room soon becomes a global social network and a revolution in communication. As well you know. You’ve probably used the bloody thing.

Six years and 500 million friends later, Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in history.

Of course, with power comes personal and legal complications. And women in bikinis.

From director David Fincher and screenwriter Aaron Sorkin comes The Social Network, a film that proves you don’t get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies. Or, pretty much anyone who has ever used Facebook has shouted so much that they’ve ruptured their brain thanks to constant fucking tinkering. Is there a bit in the film about that? Is there bollocks.

The film is produced by Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca, and Ceán Chaffin and based on the book “The Accidental Billionaires” by Ben Mezrich.

Out soon or something.

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Facebook, the social networking site that knows just a little too much about you (like some sort of creepy stalker that waits until you’re wandering down an alleyway, alone, at night to creep up behind you and strike), crashed for something like 2 hours. Apparently this is news.

I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say the streets literally ran red with blood after people realised they couldn’t access the online behemoth and took to the streets in a horrifying and violent rage. What’s that you say? Only a few people on Twitter and Tumblr cared enough to mention it? Oh…

Apparently this online apathy wasn’t indicative of public opinion, as the BBC found this story good enough to report on, it must have been a very slow news day. Admittedly this report was posted on the BBC’s Newsbeat web page, which acts as a news service for some of Britain’s thickest teenagers.

One user, who hasn’t quite grasped the concept of Facebook being the market leader, said:

“Facebook constantly has problems. There are so many social networking sites, people will just go to something else.”

No love, they won’t. Facebook is all there is. Even the new open-sourced social networking site Diaspora, which actively states all your details will remain totally secret, doesn’t look like it’ll manage to slow the Facebook Freight train, mainly because you have to pay for hosting your page or, “seed,” and let’s be honest, asking people to check out your seed sounds a bit sexual harassmenty.

Nevertheless, Facebook said that there was apparently a software flaw that caused the downtime and that it was in no way related to internet pranksters 4chan, despite the fact some users on the infamous /b/ board tried to claim responsibility for the attack.

Meanwhile, the BBC says it plans to report on a dog that can sit on command as well as an in depth, undercover report on the fact that it might rain tomorrow.

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We at Hecklerspray are often accused of being inappropriate. Either by irate Michael Jackson fans or by 14-year-old girls who get angry when we say something mean about their beloved Twilight.

However, there is a wealth of inappropriate content on the internet, anyone who has braved 4chan’s /b/ board can attest to that. We weren’t quite brave enough to go bounding into the depths of 4chan, so decided to stick to the somewhat safer world of Facebook pages.

The media often likes to use inappropriate Facebook pages as a way of reflecting how low our society has sunk, so we thought we’d find our 10 favourite inappropriate Facebook pages and share them with you…

10. Jew-Jitsu

35 fans. A page dedicated to the martial art traditionally carried out by Ninjews. As awesome as Krav Maga is, it would be so much better if it was called Jew Jitsu and practiced by Ninjews.

9. LSMMTUAFIMC = Laughing So Much My Turban Unravels and Falls in My Curry

691,360 fans. A group dedicated to the latest text-speak acronym sweeping India. It’s also the quickest way to spoil your Prawn Madras.

8. 9/11 Was an Inside Job, Twin Towers Were Brought Down By The U.S Government

627 fans. Here we have a group of people dedicated to proving the truth about 9/11, because Dubya, the first chimp to become president, was able to mastermind the greatest conspiracy in history. We tried to reach the groups admin for comment, but he was too busy making a new tin foil hat.

7. Even Tho U Stabbed Ma Nan Ur Still Da 1 4 Me

30,667 fans. This gem originally seemed to be a site a young girl had dedicated to her boyfriend, who was in prison for stabbing her grandmother. Evn do dey usd dat wel noyin txt spk and phrases such as, “u dnt no nuffin bout me, yh!” to add to the credibility of the site, it was revealed to be a hoax.

6. Getting More Head than Princess Diana’s Dashboard

227 fans. This page serves no purpose other than having a pun for a title, however I do wonder what the last thing that went through Diana’s mind was before she hit said dashboard. Probably her teeth.

5. Everybody Draw Muhammad

3,858 fans. Some people felt that religious extremists didn’t quite hate the West enough, so this  group urged people to draw and upload pictures of the Prophet Muhammed to facebook. As images of the Prophet are a big no-no in Islam some countries took the step of actually blocking facebook to counteract the group. A picture is worth a thousand words. But the real question is how many letter-bombs can you write using those thousand words? (Please don’t kill us).

4. I don’t find any Raoul Moat jokes raoulmoatley funny

412 fans. Another page that only exists because of a pun regarding renound nutcase, shotgun enthusiast, survival expert and friend of the stars, Raoul, “Moaty,” Moat. The only positive to come out of the whole Raoul Moat incident was learning that former footballer Paul Gascoigne is a trained hostage negotiator and take away delivery man.

3. I Can’t Believe Maddie McCann Looked Like this in High School

22,998 fans. A simple joke regarding the child that apparently wasn’t murdered by her parents whilst on Holiday in Portugal. It was either this or, “Maddie McCann, World Hide & Seek Champion.”

2. Dear Lord, This Year You Took My Favourite Actor, Patrick Swayze. You Took My Favourite Actress, Farah Fawcett. You Took My Favourite Singer, Michael Jackson. I Just Wanted To Let You Know, My Favourite President is Barack Obama. Amen

1,122,647 fans. A lot of people seem to really hate Barack Obama, so much so that they would wish the Lord would smite him. Although you do have to question the sanity of anyone who lists their favourite actors as Patrick Swayze and Farah Fawcett as well as stating their favourite singer is Michael Jackson, the only man who can out crazy Paul Gascoigne. Incidentally, Stephenie Meyer, the author of the Twilight series, is pretty popular. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

1. Josef Fritzl’s Home Renovations and Sound Proofing

5,693 fans. A page set up to advertise the building services of Austrian incest enthusiast Joseph Fritzl. His last job did take some 18 years though, so you’re probably better off hiring a couple of Polish guys, plus he’s not so good with patios, for that you may need to call Rose West.

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Celebrities are annoying aren’t they? That’s why we like being nasty to them. Sometimes, we like to slag people off who are more talented than us. Sometimes we like to chide them simply because they’re richer than us.

In most cases, we hate celebrities because they get much more attention than we do and we’re just as needy as they are. It’s quite possible we’re more needy. Not one member of the press took any notice when one of the editorial team got arrested for hoovering up lines of drugs whilst getting their genitals messed with by someone dressed up like a Tudor peasant.

But who is the most annoying celebrity on the planet right now? There’s a lot to choose from isn’t there? Piers Morgan? Su Pollard?

If you want to cast a vote, or indeed, hurl endless abuse at us, click here to visit our Facebook page.