Selena Gomez has been all poorly-woorly in hospital after being subjected to death-threats for Beliebers for months, as well as working her tiny little fingers to the bone in what is ostensibly one half of the most famous child-labour ring on Earth.

Of course, the newspapers love Selena. They like showing pictures of her in a bikini next to articles that shriek about child-molesters and howl in anguish that the kids of the world are being sexualised by… er… well, newspapers.

And so, today, the press will tread the fine line of repressing their sexual thoughts about a young woman while showing concern for her because she hasn’t been well.

Gomez, of course, is living an adult’s life, with an adult workload, despite being roughly 16 seconds old. It is little wonder that she’s burning out.

She was ‘rushed’ into hospital (just like everyone who gets taken to hospital… no-one saunters there do they?) with nausea and a severe headache, which turns out to be brought on by the fact she was malnourished and exhausted.

So basically, those that are looking after her are monstrous humans who aren’t feeding her properly and whipping her too frequently to jump through the hoops of stardom. And they think it is completely fine that she sits with Justin Bieber, who is more than capable of making a young person wish they were dead.

The news is that she’s fine now.

“I was just very malnourished… low on iron and exhausted”

Sounds like a grandiose sickie being pulled to us. She obviously couldn’t be arsed taking to the stage to promote her new film Monte Carlo, which we’ve accidentally just done for her now.

Damn. Outsmarted by a sick child. And not for the first time either.

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As a drab-faced woman whose only job is to go and play music at sweaty bellends for two hours at a time, Samantha Ronson knows about graft.

We know this because we once attended Samantha Ronson’s productivity seminar Shut Up Coal Miners: I Work Much Harder Than Any Of You Idiots. True, we only went because we heard Lindsay Lohan was going to be there, but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, Samantha Ronson works so hard that she recently went to hospital for exhaustion. Apparently she went straight to the Overdramatic Tosspot clinic, where she was diagnosed by a Dr Getarealjob. True story.

If you want to know why Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson go so well together, you just have to look at a list of their common interests. They’re both lesbians, for example, which helps. And they both love to blog about what a horrible dickwad Lindsay Lohan’s dad is. But more than that, both Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson know the value of hard labour.

Just look at Lindsay Lohan. That woman works so hard that she gets hospitalised for exhaustion all the time. Like when she got dehydrated and collapsed on that film set because she was just working too bloody hard? That was an awful, perfectly legitimate, moment in Lindsay Lohan’s life, and the main contributing factor for Lindsay Lohan not making many films any more. It isn’t that she’s box office poison and has one of the worst reputations in Hollywood. It’s because she gets exhausted.

And now that goes for Samantha Ronson as well. Her DJing career has really taken off now that nightclubs have realised that Lindsay Lohan will definitely turn up as well if they booked her. We don’t why that it is. Maybe she’s just a really good DJ.

But anyway, because she’s so in-demand lately, Samantha Ronson’s life has turned into an endless orgy of travel and work. And, seriously, if you think you know what exhaustion is, you should try getting paid thousands of dollars to stand in a roped-off section of a grotty nightclub playing records with a bored look on your face for a couple of hours at a time. That’s work.

And it’s why Samantha Ronson was recently hospitalised for exhaustion. But don’t worry, because she’s fine again now, as the New York Daily News reports:

“I’m home and all good,” Ronson, 31, said in a MySpace Celebrity blog post on Monday after being released from a Los Angeles hospital. LiLo’s gal pal visited Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Sunday afternoon, mere hours after spinning tunes at Hollywood’s Ecco Ultra Lounge alongside her girlfriend. “Was just pretty exhausted from traveling and working too much,” Ronson said, adding, “my Jewish mother was worried about me.”

Actually, we shouldn’t mock Samantha Ronson – sources are claiming that her exhaustion actually stems from a mixture of depression, lack of food and lack of sleep, which doesn’t sound like a particularly healthy combination. But if Samantha Ronson started eating and sleeping, then she’d quickly lose her trademark look – that of a novelty eraser-tipped pencil shaped like Mickey Pearce from Only Fools And Horses – and that’d be no good either. It’s a catch-22 if ever we saw one.

However, it’s almost Christmas – the perfect time for Samantha Ronson to put her feet up and take it easy. True, she’ll have to wait for scientists to discover a new way to take it easy that exerts even less energy than the thing she does for a living, but she can wait.

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