Selena Gomez has been all poorly-woorly in hospital after being subjected to death-threats for Beliebers for months, as well as working her tiny little fingers to the bone in what is ostensibly one half of the most famous child-labour ring on Earth.

Of course, the newspapers love Selena. They like showing pictures of her in a bikini next to articles that shriek about child-molesters and howl in anguish that the kids of the world are being sexualised by… er… well, newspapers.

And so, today, the press will tread the fine line of repressing their sexual thoughts about a young woman while showing concern for her because she hasn’t been well.