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Assassin’s Creed 3 Announced, One Christmas Present Sorted

February 17th, 2012 By Robin Darke

Wasn?t it fantastic leaping from roof to roof in Constantinople? Diving from high towers into the river, only to miss and fall into a broken heap, slowly soiling yourself until you died alone and weeping?

It was the stuff of movies, if those movies had troubling control mechanisms and some rather heavy looking armour. Well that's what Assassin?s Creed: Revelations was all about. What it also did, was to bring the story of Altair and Ezio Auditore to a vague kind of conclusion ready for whatever Ubisoft gave us in the next installment.

Well good news everyone who’s still interested! Assassin?s Creed 3 has officially been given a release date. Of October 30th 2012. A full 10 months away. But apart from the title, and the date, what else do we know?

Tom Cruise Is Scared Of Singing But Not Of 10,000ft Killer Robots Or Whatever They Have In The New Mission: Impossible

November 8th, 2011 By Michael Park

Professional headcase Tom Cruise has admitted to being terrified of the melodic word with his fear coming to a very public fore while filming his new waste of time “Rock Of Ages”.

Tom Cruise is well renowned throughout the world, both as an actor, a producer and as someone who doesn’t know when a franchise is dead (See: Mission: Impossible) but his ability to sing has never been called into question. Even in 1983 “classic” Risky Business, Tom used Bob Seger as a voice double during his trouserless performance of Old Time Rock n’ Roll.

Let’s be fair to Tom though, singing is a terrifying experience. One need only spend five minutes in the company of a Glee Survivor to know that not only are their vocal chords destroyed, their careers are all-but ruined by incessant autotune abuse. DARE to say no to singing.

HecklerPlay: Listen To Zola Jesus’ New Album & Read These Words

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

If you're a football fan, please don't worry. This isn't a similar situation that England fans found themselves in when they discovered John Barnes was performing a rap with defunct band New Order. Chelsea fans might have sensed an awkward situation with their former Italian striker Gianfranco shunning sport completely and getting creative in the studio as opposed to the penalty area.

Also, before religious types get angry with us, Zola hasn't decided that he’s a demigod and gone swanning around West London dressed in a flowing robe. Well… not that we know of.

Kim Kardashian?s Sex Tape Surges In Popularity Because She Went & Got Married

August 25th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Marriage, doesn't it bring a tear to your eye? All the time spent waiting, preparing and planning all boil down to a single day where any unplanned accident will probably ruin absolutely everything while some guests you don’t like very much laugh on from the sidelines. Over the weekend, the American equivalent of the the Royal Wedding happened. Kim Kardashian went and got herself married. It was not televised.

we're not entirely sure what Kim Kardashian actually does. Even the caretaker in your local school who throws sawdust over children?s vomit has more influence on the world than her. In a way, she’s very much like us.

However, the American socialite is able to arousing gentlemen who enjoy watching two people engaging in coitus, the ol’ in-out-in-out, the hokey cokey, bangin’, you know… sex. Despite her skin flick leaking online a few years ago, the video saw an unexpected rise in views as those who weren't invited to the wedding decided to get involved. With their sexual organs.