Jim Carrey’s gurning ways don’t quite hold the same box office potential that they once did. The once elastomug has had to put the teeth aside in recent years.

Make no mistake, I Love You Phillip Morris is not a return of the Funster. Carrey plays Steven Russell, a policeman, Christian and a doting  husband to a more than perfect wife. It’s an idyllic lifestyle, one that has a couple of minor snags.

Mainly that Steven is a raving homosexual. It’s something that he doesn’t fully embrace until a car crash, giving him a new lease of life. His epiphany: breaking the law to support a super-luxurious lifestyle. You go girl!

While Steven has been building up an unhealthy portfolio of cons, it all catches up with him, leading to his unfortunate incarceration. In prison he meets Phillip Morris (Ewan McGregor), a gentle soul and the two fall in love through prison bars, beatings and bunk sharing.

It’s an offbeat comedy, not full of laugh-out-loud escapades, the gayness itself isn’t so much of a tool of ridicule, just an unconventional aspect of a messed-up love story. McGregor and Carrey actually have a surprising amount of chemistry, making for a tangible touchstone in an otherwise outlandish, unbelievable true story.

It’s a story that would probably amuse more in the trivia section of a lads rag but the directional duo of Glenn Ficarra and John Requa have downplayed most of the laughs in the film. It doesn’t quite fit in with Carrey’s style but gives it an edge, a darkness that imbued the debut director’s previous screenplay for Bad Santa.

It’s not that the story doesn’t have potential; most of the scenarios could be adapted into features of their own. It’s all ripe for comedy but it only amuses, making most of the impact by the notion of this being some bizarre non-fiction.

Underplaying to the extreme, it often feels unsure of what it wants to be. Is it an unconventional love story; an outlandish comedy-con caper; or another crowd-pleasing Carrey comedy vehicle? Russell’s time in prison is the only area where the balance manages to maintain, especially in one sequence of slow-dancing, flippant expletives and prison beating.

There’s much to like, though, quick, breezy, never resting on one con or situation for too long and by the end of the film you’re left spurring the central coupling on to happiness. Perhaps in a heavier hand this could have been a zany outlet for Carrey’s old charms or another director could have steered this into more subtle territory. As it is, a slightly uneven, unconventional tale that has enough twists to make this engaging.

‘Spray Rating: 3.5/5

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10 – Ewan McGregor continues to be fairly unlikeable – AmyGrindhouse

9 - Bye bye (most of) Hollyoaks – WatchWithMothers

8 - Want to get paid to be the lowest rung of the Pocket TV food chain? Here’s Not Simon Amstell with details – YouTube

7 - THIS DINOSAUR WILL EAT YOU! – Geekologie

6 - Literally everything you could ever wish to know about the Oscars. Literally – BestWeekEver

5 – OLD UNICORN LADY! NO, REALLY! – Asylum

4 – Simon Cowell continues to make an unusually large fuss about his girlfriend in public – Popsugar

3  – Kate Nash‘s fringe - MyChemicalToilet

2 - Ha ha, people who go online dating are funny – Uncoached

1 - The trololo video. BUT WHERE’S THE TROLOLO?

This is just a hunch, but we’re expecting Will Ferrell to be named as People‘s sexiest man alive next year.

Because, seriously, that man is loaded. He gets paid so much money. Too much money, in fact. And he doesn’t deserve a bloody penny of it. That’s according to Forbes, at least – Will Ferrell has come out on top of a list 0f Hollywood’s most overpaid stars. The list claims that Will Ferrell only earns his investors a return of $3.29 for every dollar he’s paid.

Why such a poor figure? Well, it’s partly because Land Of The Lost flopped, partly because comedy is notoriously difficult to sell around the world and partly because Will Ferrell has cold dead eyes and a rapist’s haircut. Possibly.

What makes a good actor? Commitment? Research? An ability to emotionally connect with an audience? No, you idiot. What makes a good actor is the comparative financial return that they make for investors based on their salary. That’s why Matt Damon is a great actor and Will Ferrell is the worst, stupidest, actor to have ever walked the Earth.

According to a new Forbes list, Will Ferrell is the most overpaid star in Hollywood because he only makes $3.29 back for each dollar he’s paid. Compare this to Naomi Watts, who earns investors $44 for every dollar she’s paid, and you can see what an underwhelming amount that is.

That’s not necessarily a helpful comparison – Naomi Watts’ figure is so much higher because she’s generally paid less than Will Ferrell, her films cost less to make and she rarely carries movies by herself, plus the fact that her name is a guarantee that you’re either going to see her boobs or the outline of at least one of her nipples through a skimpy top at some point – but it must still be a worry for Will. ABC reports:

Ferrell took first place largely due to the flop of his summer 2009 movie “Land of the Lost”, which Forbes said cost an estimated $100 million to make but earned just $65 million at box offices worldwide for movie studio Universal Pictures. The movie followed a disappointing $43 million box office for Ferrell’s 2008 outing “Semi-Pro”, and $128 million for “Step Brothers”.

We should probably point out that Will Ferrell was part of a list of overpaid actors, but we’re trying not to mention that because it’ll only depress Ferrell further. For instance, Ewan McGregor came second in the list. And when was the last time you ever got excited about a Ewan McGregor film? This year? Last year? This decade? Ewan McGregor is awful, and he’s still better value for money than Will Ferrell.

Other actors on the list include Tom Cruise – a man who only makes films so that people can tell him how rubbish he is in them – and Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Bob Thornton, for crying out loud. He can’t even do an interview properly, let alone a bloody film. Seriously, Will Ferrell must be feeling terrible.

There’s only one thing for it. To turn this around, Will Ferrell will have to start taking on Naomi Watts-style roles before it’s too late. He should sign up for impossibly minor roles in bad Clive Owen films, harrowing remakes of brutally amoral German horror films and London-set films where members of the Lord Of The Rings cast beat a large number Russian gangsters to death with their bare penises. That will definitely revive Will Ferrell’s fortunes as a Hollywood commodity.

We expect a consultancy fee for this advice.

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Whenever hecklerspray finds itself watching a film starring Ewan McGregor, we usually end up staring at his scalp.

It’s a clean scalp. it’s a healthy scalp, and we just really want to touch it. Not with our hands, of course – with a plank. We think it’d do good for both him, and his career. It’s a common thought, you know. People want to touch his head all the time.

That’s why a bunch of airport-masseuses recently had a throw down. Ewan walked in for a head massage and they all wanted to give it to him. It’s unknown how things got settled, but we bet the actor ended up with mayonnaise saturating his hair, cucumber-slices prying his eyes open, and free-range dung beetles nesting in all his body holes.

Our mother told us about the goings-on in those horrible places. They’re all dens of sin.

When you peruse airports as much as Ewan McGregor does, chances are you’ve learned how to relax while doing so. You know just where to get an $11 bagel sandwich with one three-inch-square piece of thinly-sliced meat on it. You know where all the rusty power outlets are so you can recharge your cell phone, and you know where to go so women can touch you for money.

Some airports do have places like that – now chances are these specific establishments are not in direct competition with any of Heidi Fleiss’ business ventures, but you can walk into them expecting a nice, sensual rub-down of many of your various body parts.

McGregor did this recently, with only something called a ‘Indian Head massage’ in mind. Careful there Ewan, in the western United States that’s code for a scalping. After McGregor placed his order, every single woman in the world started throwing punches for the honour of working out the actor’s head knots. Or something like that.

As the Mirror put it:

“Star Wars hunk Ewan McGregor visited the Virgin Clubhouse at Heathrow for some pampering and caused a commotion. Our onlooker says: “Gorgeous masseuses were squabbling over who would give him an Indian head massage.”

And that’s where the quote ends. It seems pretty abbreviated, but we think it safe to assume knife fights were implied therein. Also maybe battles to the death, where all the contestants were dressed in shiny leather one-piecers while riding atop valiant white steeds, was implied, too. Also maybe the fight took place in a room filled with Cool Whip and various fresh fruits. We think that can clearly be read between the lines as well.

Rumor has it the winner was a guy named Tony.

Congratulations Tony. Sounds like you had quite a day.