There’s always been something incredibly sinister about Justin Bieber. Anyone who is paraded around like a prepubescent monkey eunuch should fill any right-minded person with the dread of a thousand bailiffs.

The very fact no-one seems to mind a performing menstrual period is of great concern, especially given that Bieber is clearly using his power for unspeakable evil.

Like what? Well, at the wave of his nailless foetal hand, it appears that the world’s young are donating their organs. Oooh, the horror!

Bieber is getting credit for a recent spike in organ donor registrations. Some dweebs called The Trillium Gift of Life Network have noted that, since JB answered a plea made by Helene Campbell, who’s awaiting for a lung transplant, more than 1,200 people have registered online for donation.

Bieber’s Twitter exchange with Campbell (username @alungstory) started off with the usual annoying charitable plea from a pleb to a sleb, before Justin took the sob story on and shared it with his trillion followers.

He then started tweeting about how people really should donate their organs.

However, no-one is that altruistic and we suspect that Bieber is using the organs for himself, after his young fans presumably donated them while they were still alive, cutting out their kidneys and such with Hello Kitty safety scissors and plopping them through his letter box.

And if our thoughts that Bieber is actually an illuminati goon are true, then we can only assume that he’s using the organs for nefarious purposes.

If indeed, Bieber is an illuminati lookalike, then there’s a chance that the singer is actually in his 40s and is gorging on tween organs in a bid to stay youthful. We have all noticed that he’s looking older than he used to and this fiendish scheme is clearly not working.

Spread the word. There’s a new devil among us.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie may well have a stake in one of the most downright evil and low practices we have ever encountered.

Yes, a pub that the couple have an investment in is being investigated for alleged price irregularities with their beer. The Punchbowl, in which the troubled couple have around a 20 pe rcent stake in, is under investigation by Westminster Council after it was claimed that they arbitrarily changed their beer prices for regulars and non-regulars.

There are crimes, there are annoyances, there are drink drivers, racist slurs and tax evaders.

And below them all, inhabiting the worst, lowest, most disgusting plateau of Hades itself are those that willingly fix beer prices. If that’s what Madonna and Guy Ritchie‘s pub has done then… well… we don’t know what to think.

It’s angried up hecklerspray‘s blood, that’s for sure.

We have to keep our mood swings in check though, as the allegations could well prove to be false, or those made by a mad, drunk old man who was refused service for having a crazy beard and mad eyes (a Mel Gibson link could be inserted there, but we aren’t that cheap).

Or it could be a wild claim made by someone from the notoriously cheaper north of Britain, who simply doesn’t understand that it’s every Londoners right to charge extortionate amounts for one measly pint of beer.

Or, of course, it could be someone with a vested interest in creating more stress and friction between Madonna and Guy Ritchie.

What’s A-Rod up to, these days?

Speaking to the Daily Telegraph – one of the worst papers in the country – Brian Richardson said:

“On Monday I paid £3.50 for a pint, now all of a sudden it’s £3.90. I was shocked. I complained to staff. They have got two prices – regulars prices and non-regulars prices. There is no price list on the wall. I don’t mind paying more but it is completely arbitrary. It is not the money, it is the price hike. It is outrageous.”

But what Brian seems to fail to understand is that Madge may well need that extra funding for more kabbalah classes, lectures and mind-control seminars, as well as to help fund the exceptionally expensive divorce lawyer she has consulted.

That 40p increase in price may make all the difference as to whether she’s allowed to keep all of her very, very sexy and not-at-all vomit-inducing leotards or whether Guy gets them in the settlement. He needs something to distract the public from his shocking lack of talent, you see.

Whatever comes of all this though, hecklerspray will simply never be able to get over the fact that Madonna – bastion of all truth, hope and gap-toothedness in the world – and her mockney sidekick Guy Ritchie were even so much as accused of the truly evil practice of irregular beer pricing.

It’s unforgettable.