Wow, we got so caught up in the excitement of Celebrity Big Brother‘s 20th interminable day yesterday that we totally forgot to mention the double eviction.

Well, there was a double eviction on Celebrity Big Brother, yesterday with LaToya Jackson and Tommy Sheridan getting the chop because nobody likes them. Or because nobody realised they existed, in Tommy Sheridan’s case. Either way, they’ve gone. Please let it affect your life accordingly.

So, with a clear run to Friday’s final, who’s going to win Celebrity Big Brother? Here’s our take on the matter, for Terry Christian…

Terry Christian – Is it just us, or has Terry Christian physically aged since he entered the Celebrity Big Brother house. Three weeks ago he was impish and fun, and now he spends all his time wondering why winters aren’t as cold as they were when he was a lad. It’s something Terry needs to keep an eye on if he wants to win Celebrity Big Brother. The public don’t vote for bores, you see. Except for that boring woman who won Big Brother last year. And that ginger politician chap. And Anthony. And… oh, come to think of it, Terry Christian’s probably doing alright, actually.

Tomorrow: Celebrity Big Brother final day looks at Ulrika Jonsson and Verne Troyer, who’s obviously going to win it anyway so we don’t know why we’re even bothering.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

As we speak, Celebrity Big Brother is gearing up to evict its second housemate tonight – but who will it be?

Ulrika, Michelle, Mutya and Tina are all facing the chop tonight, which some say proves that the housemates this year are all misogynists. Not so, we say, because LaToya Jackson wasn’t nominated. Unless you count LaToya Jackson as a sort of half-robot, half-reptile, half-ghost hybrid, that is. Which we do. We’re not sure what our point is here.

Anyway, we’ve looked at Mutya, Ulrika and Tina, so here’s what we think of Michelle Heaton’s chances. Ready?

Michelle Heaton – Either Michelle Heaton is the victim of a malicious campaign by the Celebrity Big Brother producers to constantly show her in a negative light or she really is like that all the time. We’re praying it’s the former, because we genuinely don’t want to believe that a human being can be as weepy and pointless and emotionally manipulative as she is. Also, we’ve seen how much Michelle Heaton’s face swells up when she cries, so we’re pretty sure she can’t cry all the time – if she did her face would balloon up and probably explode in a puffy, annoying mess. Michelle Heaton is an awful person, plus her eyebrows look funny, plus she can’t decide which accent she wants. For these reasons we’d quite like her to be evicted from Celebrity Big Brother tonight. Thanks.

Next week: Even more Celebrity Big Brother claptrap.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

With four housemates up for nomination, this week’s Celebrity Big Brother eviction could go either way.

Well, we say either way. It’s unlikely to go the way we want it to go, which involves Mutya, Michelle, Tina and Ulrika all being evicted and the remaining housemates being set on fire. But, within the parameters of the law, the Celebrity Big Brother eviction could go either way.

Yesterday we looked at the eviction chances of Mutya and Ulrika, and today we’re going to have a butchers at Tina Malone. Excited? Good.

Tina Malone – There’s a very good reason why Tina Malone got more nominations that anyone else this week, even more than Coolio. And that reason, like you need to be told, is that Tina Malone is an exceptional arsehole. Loud, lacking any visible signs of self-awareness – instead she seems to possess awareness of a sort of supermodel version of Oscar Wilde – and so professionally Scouse that we keep involuntarily checking our pockets every time she’s on screen, Tina Malone is one of Celebrity Big Brother‘s biggest irritants. An eviction tomorrow night would shock her more than any of the housemates, but let’s be honest. If the Liverpudlian territorial pride is enough to get terrifying ventriloquist’s dummy Ray Quinn through to the X Factor final, it’s easily enough to breeze Tina Malone through this first eviction nomination. More’s the pity. She really does seem like a turd.

Tomorrow: Michelle Heaton.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Well this is exciting – the end of Celebrity Big Brother‘s first full week. And any week where Terry Christian dresses up as a king and zips about on a midget’s mobility scooter is a good week, right?

But the Celebrity Big Brother dream is going to end tonight for either Ulrika Jonsson or Lucy Pinder, after they were nominated for eviction for having a raging ego and all the talent of a shoebox respectively. One of them has to go, but who?

We looked at Lucy Pinder yesterday, so here’s Ulrika Jonsson’s chances of Celebrity Big Brother survival…

Ulrika Jonsson – Science dictates there are seven stages of grief, but watching Ulrika Jonsson discover that she’d been nominated for eviction from Celebrity Big Brother earlier this week makes us wonder if there aren’t about 150 stages instead. Ulrika ran the gamut from bitterness to weeping to paranoia to solitude to grim-faced excuse-making to forced acceptance to – most weirdly of all – crying because she said she’ll be sad if she’s not evicted. Importantly, none of these things make Ulrika Jonsson look in any way bearable as a human being, which probably doesn’t bode well for tonight’s Celebrity Big Brother.

But if Ulrika Jonsson does get evicted from Celebrity Big Brother tonight it’ll be a terrible mistake – watching the gradual deterioration of her mental state is much more fun than watching Lucy Pinder gawp into the middle-distance and pout for hours at a time. Plus, if Ulrika goes tonight it’ll really bugger up Celebrity Big Brother‘s plans to bring in Ulrika’s arch-nemesis Nancy Dell’Olio and spark off the biggest catfight in all of history. So, readers, don’t vote for Ulrika Jonsson today. Or don’t vote for anyone. In retrospect that’s probably the best idea all round.

Next week: Another look at these Celebrity Big Brother bumchops.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

The first eviction of Celebrity Big Brother 2009 takes place tomorrow – it might be 10 evictions too few, but let’s not split hairs right now, eh?

Facing the chop from Celebrity Big Brother tomorrow night are Lucy Pinder and Ulrika Jonsson – so a woman paid to get her boobs out in public and a woman paid to tell everyone about all the people she’s ever got her boobs out for in private. Exciting!

So who do we think will be evicted from Celebrity Big Brother tomorrow night? Let’s start by looking at the chances of Lucy Pinder, shall we?

Lucy Pinder – Lucy Pinder was put up for Celebrity Big Brother eviction after Terry Christian deemed her to be the least talented housemate. Which is fair, really, since Lucy’s talent show demonstration this week was so breathtakingly dull that we’re fairly sure we passed out three or four times during the course of it. Unwilling to demonstrate her only real talent – having knockers big enough to suffocate a buffalo with – Lucy’s Celebrity Big Brother display consisted of a) a verbal CV that even she appeared to be embarrassed by and b) a diatribe against the Labour party that couldn’t have been more vague or listless if it was spoken by a pensioner with ME who never bothered to learn what politics was.

Having said that, though, it doesn’t look like Lucy Pinder will be evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother house tomorrow night for two reasons – firstly she hasn’t taken her top off yet and secondly she isn’t Ulrika Jonsson. That last one by itself would probably be enough to seal it, to be honest.

Tomorrow: will Ulrika Jonsson be evicted from Celebrity Big Brother? Well, yes. Probably.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

What’s happened on Big Brother since the great big public nomination/money quiz of Wednesday night? Nothing, that’s what.

Phew. We don’t know about you, but this whole ‘stuff actually happening on Big Brother‘ malarkey freaked us out. For a second there we thought Big Brother was going to do stuff every single day instead of occasionally punctuate 80 days of morbid tedium with a sloppily thought-out gameshow containing approximately zero tension. Thanks Big Brother. Don’t go changing.

But anyway – it’s Lisa and Sara up for eviction this week, and we looked at Sara’s chances yesterday, so here are the Big Brother betting odds for Lisa’s eviction, with help from Paddy Power…

Lisa – What a week Lisa’s having. First Mario briefly reentered the Big Brother house to propose to her and now she’s won £25,000. What a double-combo of happiness that is, or would be if Mario didn’t have a face that looks like an uncooked hamburger and skin that’s scientifically a brand new colour midway between purple and orange. Anyway, Lisa shouldn’t worry too much about an eviction coming to wreck her week, because she’s bewilderingly got quite popular on Big Brother lately. Sara’s bound to get evicted ahead of Lisa, which is strange because when Lisa said “I’ve got a heart of gold” during her quiz on Wednesday, we wanted to crawl inside our TV and strangle her to death with our own windpipe. True story. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/10

Next week – Betting odds for the Big Brother final. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Well it took 84 days, but Big Brother finally got exciting last night. Well, maybe exciting isn’t the word. Something happened on Big Brother last night. Does that count?

In what has to be a nudge to the British public to remind everyone that it still existed, last night Big Brother made the remaining housemates nominate each other face to face on live TV. Then Sara and Lisa – the two housemates with the most votes – had some sort of convoluted quiz thing to go through before one of them won £50,000. Except they both ended up splitting the prize in two and doing a kind of piggyback thing around the room for a bit. They’re still up, though.

Are you still with us? Sara and Lisa are still up for Big Brother eviction tomorrow. That’s the important part. Well, maybe important isn’t the word…

So who’ll go tomorrow? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Sara to win the show, with help from Paddy Power…

Sara – Not an incredible surprise that Sara’s up for Big Brother eviction this week, since she’s had such a bizarre time of it lately. First off, her cockteasy exploits with Darnell ended up shitting the bed in dramatic style when he had a gigantic shuddering meltdown and started calling her an ‘ugly bitch’ in that unsettlingly angry way of his. And then Rex made her cry, although that was more predictable – Rex makes everyone cry because he’s got a weird lumpy ginger skull. Anyway, since Sara’s up for Big Brother eviction against Lisa, we’d have to guess that she doesn’t stand much chance of surviving, partly due to Lisa’s psychological mother-figure position in the Big Brother house, and partly because listening to Sara speak is as painful as shitting giant shards of glass. Current Big Brother betting odds -33/1

Tomorrow – Lisa’s Big Brother eviction betting odds. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Well, it’s the day of evictions once again and we can’t wait to see what reaction Nicole will get.

Okay so technically she hasn’t been booted out yet, but if she doesn’t go then we won’t be happy and we’ll blame everyone in the country – nay – the world for letting us down. It has to make the most sense anyway – Nicole‘s an arse, whereas Sara‘s hot and Lisa‘s comically insane – there’s no point in keeping the spoiled brat.

If you do want to risk some money, or make very little back from a huge bet, feel free to make your way to Paddy Power and check out their latest odds.

If Nicole doesn’t get kicked out of the Big Brother house tonight then there is no justice left in the world.

The scheming, conniving, selfish, fake blonde bitch should be drop-kicked out of there rather than be allowed to walk the steps of shame.

After joining the party on a BB whim, Nicole has bored the pants off of the public with her tears and tantrums, while letting designer boyfriend Rex walk all over her and make her look like the very wettest of blankets. Big brother betting odds – 1-100

She didn’t really want to be in there in the first place and has constantly ‘assured’ Rex – and the watching public, in actual fact – that she would do a bunk if her fella left. Unfortunately, as head of house, her fella survived this week’s nominations – so there is no double whammy to celebrate tonight.

Nicole is up against Aussie chick Sara and mummy of the house Lisa. There’s simply no competition.

Sara is a pain in the arse but at least she’s not evil. Her game has been a flirty one and while it hasn’t won her many friends inside or outside the house, it hasn’t left her tainted by the brush of hate. Big Brother betting odds 20-1

She is likely to survive the boot with Lisa, who has managed to keep out of the limelight since her comedy boyfriend Mario was chucked out by the public a month or so ago.

Apart from Lisa’s strangely obsessive hate for kindly Welsh lass Rachel, she has managed to keep her head down and glide through the nominations until now.

If she was up against anyone but Nicole she might be worried – but there is surely going to be little competition tonight. Big Brother betting odds 16-1

‘Big Brother, this is Davina, you are live in Channel 4, please do not swear. Nicole, get the fuck out!’

Mikey remains the favourite to win, with Darnell now a close second. He stood up for Kat yesterday when Rex and Mohamed wanted her to pull out of the Thriller dance routine task using her bad back as an excuse. Big Brother betting odds 11-8 (Mikey) and 11-4 (Darnell)

Darnell, Rachel and Mikey saw through Rex, while Mo backed up the tosspot. However, Mo looked like he regretted his ‘We’re going to fail the task’ outburst later, when he was in the bedroom with Kat, Rachel and Darnell.

And again later when they all passed the task. You’ll learn Mo. But it may be a bit too late by then. Big Brother betting odds 80-1

Next week: we’ll see how the tenth eviction affects things. Basically, as it’s Nicole most likely going then it’ll make things better. Rex will either walk with her or he’ll stay and become less of a twat – like he was before she was in there. Other than that, we’re gearing up for the final stretch of Big Brother 2008 – get to Paddy Power to bet on the winner!

Story By Richard Hughes

It’s every woman for herself in the Big Brother house this week with outsiders Nicole and Sara up against one of the front-runners Lisa.

There’s no Kat fight and welsh teacher Rachel has survived Lisa‘s scornful looks for another week – but for the other three, it’s claws out, let the bitch fest begin.

So who will be trying to avoid that up-skirt shot (or not, as the case may be with Sara and Nicole) as they climb the BB steps to instant, bright-burning but inevitably short-lived 15 minutes of fame?

One of Lisa, Sarah or Nicole will be ousted – and about time, too. If we could get them all out, we would. The public will decide, of course – and the least favourite housemate will be thrust into the limelight and onto Davina’s couch on Friday. Check with Paddy Power to see how your decision can help net you a bit of cash too.

Here are their potted BB histories.

Sara came in late and threw the cosy balance of the house out of kilter straight away. The Aussie chick was quick to hook her talons into Dale, with his squeeze Jen still there – but once he had been kicked out, following a brief flirtation with Darnell, her next big crush was Stuart.

It has been a ‘can I find me a man’ time in the house for Sara, who also has a thing for Rex. But I’m sure she’ll regret that once she gets out. Big Brother betting odds – 18-1

Next up is Lisa, the lapsed body-builder who entered the house almost 80 days ago with her hunky 40-something boyfriend Mario. The pair didn’t make a great start to their time in front of the cameras, become extremely unpopular with the viewers – and some housemates, almost immediately.

But since Mario was given his marching orders, Lisa has relaxed and, apart from her aborted break out and obsessive hate for Rachel, she has relaxed into her mother of the house role. Big Brother betting odds – 20-1

And finally, Nicole – can I really be bothered with her? No. Rex moaned about missing her for what seems like years and then she turns up and he treats her like shit. And she takes it.

Get out of the house on Friday Nicole and you’ll find out pretty quickly that he is hated beyond redemption and it’s time to find a nice bloke. Trouble is, what nice bloke is going to look twice… Big Brother betting odds – 1-100

On the winning front, things remain in Mikey‘s favour, with Darnell, Rachel and Kat just ahead of Lisa. And that’s unlikely to change until the final day now. Big Brother betting odds – 11-8

Tomorrow: eviction day, the tenth housemate will leave the house through a public vote and we will finally – hopefully – get rid of Nicole. The annoying little twit. Check with Paddy Power for updated odds – maybe Nicole will manage to swing the running in her favour? (Here’s a clue: she won’t)

Story By Richard Hughes

So it’s between Stuart and Rachel tonight – hardly a heavyweight contest, is it? It should only go one way.

Stu should be climbing the steps before the night is out and here’s hoping Rex will be thoroughly confused by the whole thing.

Rachel‘s tears over the dead goldfish – and Nicole‘s laughter at her reaction showed them both up for what they are.

Okay, so tears over a dead goldfish do seem slightly over the top – but Nicole’s smug ‘she’s crying over the goldfish’, snigger, snigger signposted the bitch for what she is.

Stuart wants to go, of course, He’ll be pleased as punch if he walks tonight. But the house will have to realise that Rachel is a real contender this time around.

So, with time slowly running out – who do Paddy Power think is still in the frame for the title this year?

Mikey looks set to win. The canny Scot is too clever to be beaten. Big Brother betting odds – 2-1

Rachel is still second, and her performance over the dead goldfish may have solidified her status and even have her pushing Mikey for Paddy Power’s top spot. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1

Third favourite Darnell is losing it slightly – and all because he go a knock back from Aussie chick Sara. It’s been fun to watch the lad suffer, then come out fighting. Big Brother Betting odds – 7-2

Kat, Kat, Kat – constantly chasing her tail. How boring after ten minutes. But she will outstay most and be there for the final day, as will Lisa. Big Brother betting odds – Kat (4-1), Lisa (8-1)

Nasty bastard Rex is fast being found out by the rest of the housemates. If he doesn’t go next week I shall be shocked to the core. Big Brother betting odds – 18-1

Stuart, it look’s like you’re off tonight, son – at least you’ll be happy. Big Brother betting odds – Stu 20-1

It will be interesting to see how Sara reacts if Stu goes tonight. She has invested a lot of time getting the hunk interested in him. Will she try to ‘use’ Darnell again as her love interest? Big Brother betting odds – Sara (25-1)

Mohamed – sorry son, you’ve got no chance. Big Brother betting odds – 40-1

Nicole – waste of space. Big Brother betting odds – 100-1

Next week: with another housemate out, how will the dynamic have been affected? And though it’s likely to be Stuart going, what will happen if the public have a change of heart and kick out Rachel? Keep your eyes on Paddy Power for the most recent updates.

Story By Richard Hughes

The housemates have spoken and it’s Stuart and Rachel up for eviction this week – let’s hope Stuart at least tries to rise to the challenge this time around.

Last week he couldn’t really be bothered – but then Dale was easy meat, it was obvious he was going from the word go.

But Rachel is a completely different opponent. She is likely to raise her game while Stuart struggles to find his.

See if Stuart can raise his game, or if the bookies think Rachel is too far ahead in public opinion by checking Paddy Power.

Rachel, bullied by Rex for the last month, will get the public’s sympathy vote. She has been battered and bruised by a succession of barbed comments which have been flung in her direction by the callous chef.

So, though Stuart is likely to get his support from his teeny fans, Rachel may have a chance of saving her Big Brother skin by playing on her sympathy vote this week.

Amazing, despite her nomination, Rachel is still second favourite with Paddy Power to win the whole thing. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1

Still out front to win is Mikey – the new bald Mikey who managed to burst that Kat bubble yesterday, upsetting her and making her cry. Ah, shame… Big Brother betting odds – 2-1

Cookie monster Kat, of course, remains third favourite to win, but her tears won’t have helped. The sympathy thing won’t work for her like it does for Rachel. Big Brother betting odds – 7-2

The Bald Eagle, American Darnell, is still in the race though, with his on-off love thing with Sara keeping his story interesting. And he gave Kat the benefit of his wise words yesterday, when the tears started flowing. Big Brother betting odds – 4-1

Lisa, keeping mum, is continuing her games of stealth – she’ll be there in the final week – Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

The rest of the housemates are all outside bets, with nothing short of a miracle likely to help any of them win the competition.

Stuart to go then, with Rachel stronger than they all believe in that house. Imagine Rex‘s face when Stu’s name is called up… the chef will be cooking up a storm then!

Tomorrow: will Stuart have altered his game plan accordingly? Will his odds look favourable at all, or is he consigned to Big Brother history? And will anyone in the house realise how much everyone outside actually likes Rachel? Who knows. Paddy Power are good at guessing, though.

Story By RIchard Hughes.

After another night of boredom, Dale and Stuart face the public with only one outcome looking possible… Bye Dale, your time in the Big Brother house is up.

They have yawned their way through the week only getting animated when nature called, yet it does seem slightly unreal that next week there will be no Dale – or, as an outside bet, no Stuart.

But with the odds changing regularly, who are we to say that Stu will remain an outside bet? To be perfectly sure, you’d have to check Paddy Power. But, to be honest, Stu will most likely remain an outside bet.

Dale has been there since day one and despite his yawn… yawn… lack of drive this week, he had been central to the show previously. This was especially true during his love-games with single mum Jen, who got booted out sharpish on Stuart‘s arrival.

Now he’s wasted what is probably going to be his final week keeping the sofas warm and occasionally summoning up the energy to actually talk. Big Brother betting odds 1-25

Stuart was introduced to the show some time after it began, cruising into the BB compound on a bike to steal the girls’ hearts and crushing Dale’s hopes of being the beefiest hunk in there. Though in the end there were no stolen hearts.

One of the hunks must go – and Paddy Power reckon it’s Dale, seeing as Stu’s odds look a bit like this: Big Brother betting odds – 8-1.

So, who to win? If Dale goes, there will be ten housemates left. And here is our quick-glance guide on how they are likely to fair.

Darnell, currently in with a bloody good shout, may have upped his chances with his Sara antics. Big Brother betting odds ­- 7-2.

Mikey, the public’s favourite, may blindly walk away with title number nine. Big Brother betting odds 9-4.

Kat, despite being shrill and amazingly annoying, she does seem to have the public behind her. Big Brother betting odds – 10-3.

Rex, who has treated his girlfriend Nicole to his more distasteful traits since her late arrival in the house, may have cooked his goose with the fans. Big Brother betting odds – 12-1.

Rachel, the target of Rex‘s bullying, got a lovely message from mum this week and cried… Bless! Big Brother betting odds – 5-1.

Lisa, mummy of the house, will make the final day before leaving first. Big Brother betting odds – 14-1.

Mo, the afro kid with the big belly has chomped his way through this BB. Will go before the final day. Big Brother betting odds – 40-1.

Sara, the Aussie target of Darnell‘s affections, may be an outside bet for the title. Especially if the flirtation with D continues. Big Brother betting odds – 20-1.

Nicole… yawn… did you put her in just to wind Rex up, BB? Big Brother betting odds – 66-1.

Put them all up next Friday BB, let’s get rid of some more dead wood. Don’t forget that the odds are likely to have taken a big hit after tonight’s eviction and the weekend’s antics could change everything a great deal more – check with Paddy Power to see where things are headed.

Story By Richard Hughes

So it’s the battle of the Big Brother Hunks this week, with housemates Stuart and Dale both up for eviction on Friday night. Who goes – the teenage girls of the UK will decide.

To be honest, we couldn’t give a toss here which one goes – both of them are boring the pants off us. Watching sulky Stuart lounge about and yawn every now and again is about as interesting as picking at the fluff on a jumper, while Dale’s spontaneous bursts of laughter are about as interesting as a sponge floating on top of the washing-up water.

Even so, these boring idiots can be put to good use by making you some money at Paddy Power, with the latest Big Brother eviction odds.

Dale – The other day Dale found Mikey stuffing a pig’s trotter down his trousers to form a camel toe the funniest thing ever. No Dale, it wasn’t the funniest thing ever, and you rolling around on the sofa repeating the phrase ‘camel toe’ like a child chanting: ‘He said poo! He said poo!’ over and over again just made us feel slightly sad, even embarrassed for you. Big Brother betting odds – 1-14

Stuart – How did Stuart get away with voting tactically? Can someone tell us this? Since when have housemates been able to vote for their friends so that they aren’t risking their up-for-nomination-status? Never, at least as far as we can recall. His ‘valid reasons’ didn’t actually have the vital ‘valid’ aspect to them.

If he had been forced to give proper reasons, maybe he would have had to become nasty Stu to get nominated. Hinting all week for people to vote for him, then he wanders into the diary room and twists Big Brother around his little finger. Next thing you know, he’s up for nomination without hurting anyone’s feelings. The boring twit. Big Brother betting odds – 13-2

This has to bee the worst week for nominations so far. The housemates from hell failed a task they were never likely to pass and therefore lost their right to nominate, while Rex‘s sultry squeeze – annoying airhead Nicole – was never even allowed to take part.

And talking of Nicole, how boring is she? Like a sloth at a slumber party, she’s making one hell of an impression.

While we’re waiting for the worst eviction ever to be over with, let’s take a look at the two top runners to win this year’s competition.

Mikey – The young Scot managed the comedy moment of the week by pouring mushed-up Brussels over his head after aborting the sprout-eating task, which only he made a fist of, remains the favourite to win the show. Big Brother betting odds – 11-4.

Kat – Oh she of the annoying squeaky voice is still second favourite. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1.

Tomorrow: we get to see if Stu and Dale have affected their chances of being booted out of the house when we look at more eviction odds! But in the meantime you can keep an eye on affairs over at Paddy Power.

Story by Richard Hughes.

What a brilliant week! We’re losing two Big Brother housemates – first Maysoon walked out of the Big Brother house for no good reason, and there’s still tomorrow’s eviction to go.

Maysoon left the Big Brother house in her trademark style – it was boring and quiet and nobody really cared about it one way or the other – but that leaves eight housemates up for eviction. Why so many? Because the Big Brother housemates were caught discussing nominations in just about the most gormless way possible – by referring to each other in football terms. Darnell was Arsenal, Luke was Wigan, Kat was, we dunno, late-period Maradona or something. We won’t pretend we’re experts.

As yet, Paddy Power hasn’t listed this week’s Big Brother eviction odds, so instead we’re going to give you the Big Brother betting odds to win for nominated housemates Kat, Darnell and Mohamed instead and you can work backwards from there…

Kat - Kat’s favourite to win Big Brother at the moment, but she’s untested with the public. Since we literally live in an ivory tower in the middle of an exclusive off-shore gated community, we’re certain that Kat will be evicted from Big Brother tomorrow because of the public’s deep-seated unease with fat foreigners who like biscuits. Mark these words. Or don’t. It’s no big deal. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/4

Darnell – Darnell survived a Big Brother eviction last week, so he obviously has fans. Well, not fans per se, rather a group of people who thought that Rebecca was slightly more of a knob than him. Anyway, now that he’s relinquished the mantle of Big Brother house-head, Darnell’s reverted from power-crazed weirdo to plain old worryingly paranoid crackpot. He’ll be fine. Current Big Brother betting odds – 7/2

Mohamed – Given how aggressively triumphant Mohamed was last Friday when he wasn’t evicted from the Big Brother house, we think that he’s due a hefty dose of karma. That could mean that he gets evicted from Big Brother tomorrow night, or it could mean that he doesn’t get evicted but one of his eyeballs is pierced by a bird’s beak at some point in the next couple of weeks. Either one’s fine. Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother eviction odds for Luke, Dale, Rachel, Rex and Stuart. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

There’s a Big Brother eviction tonight and, given that it’s the hottest day of the year, we’ll be surprised if even Davina McCall sticks around to watch it.

But despite the rubbish viewing figures, someone will be evicted from Big Brother tonight – and it’ll either be Darnell, Mohamed or Rebecca who goes. It should be a nailbiter, that’s for sure, and we’re sure the six remaining Big Brother viewers will be on the edge of their seats. Not least because two of the housemates got all kissy-kissy last night and managed to break little Luke‘s fragile heart forever.

So here are the Big Brother betting odds for Rebecca’s eviction, with help from Paddy Power…

Rebecca - Rebecca’s been nominated for Big Brother eviction before, but she managed to wangle her way out of it on two fronts. Firstly Rebecca managed to embark on a dangerous last-minute romance with Luke to win the public’s sympathy. Secondly Rebecca managed to be nominated against Mario, who was such an unbelievable dick that Pol Pot would have survived a Big Brother eviction against him. This time, though, Rebecca might not be so lucky. For starters, although both of the Big Brother housemates she’s up against are basically cockmunches, she’s the primary overbearing personality of the three. If anyone gets voted for, it’ll be Rebecca. More than that, though, Big Brother viewers have seen that Rebecca’s little bunk-up with Luke was almost certainly a sham to keep her in and they want to punish her for it, especially in light of her snog with Mohamed last night. True, Rebecca’s eviction means that we’ll have to put up with her wobbling her bare knockers about in Nuts for a week or two, but that’s a disgusting hit we’ll have to take. Current Big brother betting odds – 1/5

Next week: Big Brother betting odds to win again. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.