On Friday Tina was evicted and Mutya walked out, and then yesterday a surprise eviction took place, with Michelle Heaton getting the chop. So that’s the last of her crying we’ll hear, except for in every single magazine we’ll read for the next 18 months. Joy.

But where does this leave the other housemates? Here’s our Celebrity Big Brother look at Terry Christian, Tommy Sheridan, Ulrika Jonsson and Verne Troyer…

Terry Christian – We don’t know about you, but we wouldn’t bet against Terry Christian coming second in this year’s Celebrity Big Brother. He’s funny, he’s open-minded, he’s everyone’s friend and he’s got a nice line in neat self-deprecation. In fact, we’d probably say that Terry was a contender to win Celebrity Big Brother, or at least he would be if he was a horny shitfaced munchkin. But he’s not, so second-place it is. Anyway, Terry has spent the last few days hinting at the fact that Celebrity Big Brother is ‘a breeze’ compared to the stresses he’s suffered over the last six months in the outside world. We don’t know what these stresses are, but if they’re worse than being trapped in a mirror-filled box with the shit one from Liberty X, he has our deepest sympathies.

Tommy Sheridan – We’re thinking about starting a campaign to get Tommy Sheridan voted in as prime minister once Celebrity Big Brother finishes. Who better to fight away the credit crunch than a burly, balding man in the middle of a painfully awkward mid-life crisis who gets his chest out at the drop of a hat, is hopeless at just about everything he’s asked to do and isn’t averse to standing around in bathrooms doing weights in his pants? Nobody, that’s who. We want Tommy Sheridan to win Celebrity Big Brother, and then we want him to become our dad. Our estranged dad, obviously. Because, come on, he’s clearly a cock.

Ulrika Jonsson – Two thirds of the way through Celebrity Big Brother and we’re still completely unable to work out what the show will do for Ulrika Jonsson’s reputation. Onscreen she comes off as decent enough – forthright about her past mistakes when she needs to be and quick to jump to the defence of others when she feels they’re being slighted – but she’s always being nominated for eviction. Why is this? Is she an arsehole when we’re not looking? Are we missing something? Either way, we hope that Ulrika comes out of Celebrity Big Brother better off than she went in. Because, seriously, if she’s reduced to making another one of those documentaries about how she’s a sex addict, we’re probably going to vomit.

Verne Troyer – Look, let’s just do the decent thing and end Celebrity Big Brother now, shall we? Verne Troyer is obviously going to win. He was obviously going to win from the moment he entered the house – thanks to the weird mixture of pity and flat-out hilarity he inspires in people – but after this week’s drunkenness, it’s pretty much a done deal. If you missed it, Verne brazenly chatted up LaToya Jackson, told Ben Adams that he liked his eyebrows and then smashed into the Diary Room door with his mobility scooter as fast as he possibly could. If that’s not a textbook way to win a reality TV show, we’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

Tomorrow: More Celebrity Big Brother nonsense than you can stand. Which, we suspect, isn’t a lot.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

And, you know, what with Mohamed having big ladyhair and Kat looking like a sort of androgynous Thai businessman – well, it all seems a bit too neat for us. Anyway, Mohamed and Kat got evicted from Big Brother tonight, which would be a surprise if only every single bellend on Earth hadn’t predicted it already. Oh well, not long and it’ll all be over.

But who’s going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Darnell to win, with help from Paddy Power…

Darnell - Let’s be quite clear about this; Darnell isn’t going to win Big Brother, and that’s a shame. He could have used that prize money for the lifetime of therapy he obviously needs. Although he started off on Big Brother nicely enough – joking around and singing and giving everyone a chance to see that albinos aren’t the child-snatching woodland monsters we all believed them to be – lately Darnell’s literally gone berserk. He’s flared up at Sara more times than we care to remember, he’s been officially warned about his unstable behaviour by Big Brother and let’s not forget that time he he smeared himself in chocolate and went on a frightening self-hate rant. In a way it’d be cool if Darnell won Big Brother – he’d easily be the least-likable winner of the show since Anthony in 2005 – but it’s not going to happen. Still, if we ever do betting odds for Big Brother housemates most likely to run through a shopping centre indiscriminately firing a machine gun, Darnell’s basically a shoo-in. Current Big Brother betting odds – 16/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds. Why, what did you expect? Unless he gets evicted tonight, in which case God knows. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

The soon to be front cover model of every Heat magazine for the rest of eternity received a mixed reaction from the crowd, shrill screams of affection from the moist army of girls in the audience and begrudging boos from the boys. However, special mention has to go to Stu for his ill-advised yet hilarious attempt at crowd surfing: jump, crowd parts in confusion and hit the floor. Textbook.

Housemates fought in the battle of the century for this week’s much coveted and strategically invaluable Head of House(tm) title. Well, they stood still for around 20 minutes painted as various famous statues until it came down to Mo and Rex. Rex took the title by being the best at being still for the longest amount of time; after all he can do literally anything he sets his mind to.

So with Rex as the new head of house how does that shape the dynamics for the other housemates, will his ever changing sociopathic tendencies shine though even more, will he finally argue at Nicole long enough about NOTHING to push her before she jumps and will Mikey obey his new ginger master? As always, Paddy Power have their say on the matter.

Mikey is still the nation’s favourite food smeared all over their face, outspoken, Scottish blind chap. He even managed to top the nob in cup-gate incident this week by revealing to the assembled housemates that he once accepted a top award for the radio station he works at with, yes you’ve guessed it… his nob out. Still he is blind didn’t you know, so if you don’t bet on him you are against blind people… you sicken me. Big Brother Betting Odds – 2-1.

Darnell is increasingly paranoid as time goes by in the house. His confidence is still shockingly shaken post Sara-11, where she decided that Stu is more her type than bubble-butted reformed bad boy, D-Dog. His natural charm is still flowing though mainly due to the fact that he is the most twitchy and crazy housemate for a good few years. Big Brother Betting Odds – 5-2.

Rachel’s spirits have risen after she survived this week’s eviction and got a little party to celebrate where she ate a lot of marmite sandwiches. In a very clumsy analogy, Rachel is increasingly the marmite housemate; you either love her or hate her. Either way she is still in and still being bullied on all fronts, but at least she is still one of the favourites. Big Brother Betting Odds – 7-2.

Kat has managed to lower the public’s view of her silly voiced charm and excitable mushroom face this week after numerous dull tantrums and going on about cookies once again, yes Kat we can tell from looking at you that you ruddy LOVE cookies. Well done, have a cookie, actually best not. There is a credit-munch on at the moment you know. Big Brother Betting Odds – 6-1.

Lisa, the self styled Amazonian mental is still well liked in the house, well she confuses people so much with her constant life lessons, boasting and plain insanity that they forget to nominate her each week. Plus better not say much about her otherwise Mario might jump on my head then escape down a handy nearby green pipe. A cert for the final week. Big Brother Betting Odds – 7-1.

Rex, where to even begin? Rex’s Machiavellian plan seems to be coming to fruition this week after being crowned head of house for the first time, thereby becoming immune from this week’s nominations and hence surviving until the final week. Remember Nasty Nick? He wasn’t actually nasty, let’s face it: Mugabe ain’t got nothing on Rex. His constant bickering with ‘love of his life’ posho Nicole will soon come to a head when his transformation to the dark side will be complete, and he will on national television electrocute Nicole with finger lightening after she disobeys her master. Big Brother Betting Odds – 20-1.

Sara, lovely Aussie Sara. The excitable Aussie beaut (see what I did there) is still an outsider as far as winning is concerned, probably by alienating all the female viewers by trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to cosy up to best Dad in the world Stu and rejecting loveable Darnell. Big Brother Betting Odds – 40-1.

Mohamed has been the victim of his own gluttony again this week thereby almost guaranteeing himself to be nominated, plus he has developed an inappropriate crush on Sara which he cringingly works on every time they are left alone for more than 3 seconds. Big Brother Betting Odds – 50-1.

And finally, Nicole the spoilt, trophy ‘wife’ of despotic dictator Rex has managed to be so pointless and annoying she has found herself in a situation where Paddy Power has given her lower odds than an if Abu Hamza were to enter the house, so unlucky. Big Brother Betting Odds – 200-1.

So how will Rex’s first full day as head of house go? Will the levels of paranoia keep on rising and will Mikey tell us another nob related story, come back tomorrow and find out. In the meantime, check with Paddy Power for up to the minute odds on the sods in the house.

Story By Ben Morrison – sorry about the lateness!

To be honest, we couldn’t give a toss here which one goes – both of them are boring the pants off us. Watching sulky Stuart lounge about and yawn every now and again is about as interesting as picking at the fluff on a jumper, while Dale’s spontaneous bursts of laughter are about as interesting as a sponge floating on top of the washing-up water.

Even so, these boring idiots can be put to good use by making you some money at Paddy Power, with the latest Big Brother eviction odds.

Dale – The other day Dale found Mikey stuffing a pig’s trotter down his trousers to form a camel toe the funniest thing ever. No Dale, it wasn’t the funniest thing ever, and you rolling around on the sofa repeating the phrase ‘camel toe’ like a child chanting: ‘He said poo! He said poo!’ over and over again just made us feel slightly sad, even embarrassed for you. Big Brother betting odds – 1-14

Stuart – How did Stuart get away with voting tactically? Can someone tell us this? Since when have housemates been able to vote for their friends so that they aren’t risking their up-for-nomination-status? Never, at least as far as we can recall. His ‘valid reasons’ didn’t actually have the vital ‘valid’ aspect to them.

If he had been forced to give proper reasons, maybe he would have had to become nasty Stu to get nominated. Hinting all week for people to vote for him, then he wanders into the diary room and twists Big Brother around his little finger. Next thing you know, he’s up for nomination without hurting anyone’s feelings. The boring twit. Big Brother betting odds – 13-2

This has to bee the worst week for nominations so far. The housemates from hell failed a task they were never likely to pass and therefore lost their right to nominate, while Rex’s sultry squeeze – annoying airhead Nicole – was never even allowed to take part.

And talking of Nicole, how boring is she? Like a sloth at a slumber party, she’s making one hell of an impression.

While we’re waiting for the worst eviction ever to be over with, let’s take a look at the two top runners to win this year’s competition.

Mikey – The young Scot managed the comedy moment of the week by pouring mushed-up Brussels over his head after aborting the sprout-eating task, which only he made a fist of, remains the favourite to win the show. Big Brother betting odds – 11-4.

Kat – Oh she of the annoying squeaky voice is still second favourite. Big Brother betting odds – 3-1.

Tomorrow: we get to see if Stu and Dale have affected their chances of being booted out of the house when we look at more eviction odds! But in the meantime you can keep an eye on affairs over at Paddy Power.

Story by Richard Hughes.

And for the first time this season, the Big Brother eviction is a two-horse race. Previously the likes of Sylvia and Jennifer have been so overwhelmingly unpopular that their eviction has been inevitable. But tonight? Nobody knows – both Rebecca and Mario stand an equal chance of being evicted. For once, both nominated housemates are equally knobbish.

So who’ll be evicted tonight? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Mario, with help from Paddy Power…

Mario – Mario won’t be evicted from the Big Brother house tonight. He won’t. He’s got a fanclub, for christ’s sake. He’s been on the Ant and Dec. He’s been a magistrate. At least we think he said he’s been a magistrate – to be honest we only catch about a fifth of what Mario actually says. The rest of the time we’re crawling around in front of the TV on our knees with our hands clamped over our ears screaming “Stop! Stop talking you unbearable berk!” Anyway, Mario is the favourite to be evicted from Big Brother tonight, and rightly so, since the man’s face alone is so overwhelmingly offensive that we’d like to cut it off and throw it in the river. What’ll the Big Brother house be like without an awful Jabba The Hutt clone plonked on a bed spouting ridiculous self-righteous gossip about everyone? There’s only one way to find out. Current Big Brother betting odds – 1/3

Next week: More Big Brother betting odds to win again. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.