by Stuart Heritage
In each year’s Eurovision Song Contest, there’s always one bland-looking middle-aged man singing a hopelessly generic, instantly forgettable disco tune with ’16th place’ written all over it.
And this year it’s us.
Andy Abraham, an X Factor runner-up from 2005, won Eurovision: Your Decision on Saturday night, which means he’ll be representing us at the Eurovision Song Contest in May with his song Even If. And that would be fine, except that a) everyone involved in the show obviously wanted Michelle Gayle to win, and b) Andy Abraham’s song is a big sack of donkey bollocks. Honestly, not a single homosexual blowjob joke. Who do these people think we are?
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by C J Davies
Eurovision is bad enough at the worst of times, right? There’s nothing worse than watching some shambling lunatic in ill-fitting clothes saunter around a stage and display their complete lack of professionalism to the world. And that’s just Terry Wogan. Eh? Eh? Do you see? Eh?
Anyway. There’s actually one surefire way to make Eurovision that little bit more unsettling – and we don’t mean watching it on 30g of magic mushrooms with your eyelids taped open like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. We mean by choosing an entry that has somewhat, ahem, suspicious lyrics.
As flagged up by the mighty Popbitch, I Love The Girls is Alexandru Bobnibov’s shortlisted attempt to represent Moldova in next year’s Eurovision. “Now, then,” you might say, “what’s wrong with a title like that? He loves the ladies – surely he’s just a red-blooded young man?” To which we reply: check out the lyrics.
Do you wanna be in a my gang, my gang, my gang …
I Love The Girls (second track down)
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