Until now, Christina Hendricks has been suffering – slaving away on a show that barely anyone watches.
She’s been ignored by the masses. But not any more. Although she’s been noticed by every single viewer of Mad Men – which, despite all its critical acclaim, still amounts to three middle-aged men and a barely-interested dog – now Christina Hendricks is ready to hit the big league. And by ‘big league’ we mean ‘the league where millions of 14-year-old boys masturbate relentlessly to magazine photographs of her in a pair of pants and half a gallon of warmed-up goose fat’.
That’s right, Esquire has just named Christina Hendricks as America’s best looking woman. Read that again. She’s only America’s best looking woman. You see, Christina Hendricks may have flame-red hair, a perfect body and a constant sultry expression on her face, but she’s no match for Britain’s Pat Butcher. That’s right, we said it.
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At the last count Clint Eastwood was roughly 6,000 years old – and yet he can still beat you in a fight, you pathetic pussy.
Yeah, that’s right. Clint Eastwood thinks you’re a pussy. You know that time you had an argument with your neighbour and decided to back off instead of attacking him with the back of a shovel? Clint Eastwood knows about that, and he thinks you’re a pussy for it. You pussy.
Clint Eastwood has given perhaps the best interview of all time to Esquire, and it’s all about how much of a pussy you are. No joke.
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That Halle Berry, eh? She’s a funny looking woman – we once saw a picture of Halle Berry in a magazine and we went right off our tea.
And yet, despite obviously looking like a sort of cross between the back end of a bus and a bulldog’s floppy genitals, Esquire magazine has decided to name Halle Berry as its Sexiest Woman Alive. Which is just weird because, you know, Halle Berry. Bleurgh. No, wait, we got mixed up – we were thinking of former EastEnders and Heartbeat star Nick Berry. He’s not actually very sexy at all. But Halle Berry is actually sort of pretty.
Anyway, we could be wrong, but in the accompanying interview it seems like Halle Berry equates sexiness with masturbating a lot. There’s hope for us yet!
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For as much as the world justifiably makes fun of Fabio, not many would perhaps make as much fun to his face.
Two feet behind him sniggering and pointing? Yes. While watching his fake butter commercials from the comfort and safety of our living room? Naturally. But not to his face, because he’s actually a pretty big dude, and if you get beaten up by Fabio you may as well just fasten a plastic bag over your face right tight because you only have a lifetime of crippling humiliation to look forward to.
According to an interview in April’s edition of Esquire magazine, actor George Clooney had somewhat of a similar realisation when he had a nasty encounter with Fabio in a restaurant. Well, it's about figgin' time he spoke up about an incident that was barely an incident and everyone had forgotten about. Yeesh!
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Until now, Christina Hendricks has been suffering – slaving away on a show that barely anyone watches.
