Chelsea and England football captain John Terry has been caught red-handed parking in a disabled bay.

According to The Sun, John Terry (Grandma Hecklerspray always said to never trust man with two first names) parked his Bentley (Grandma Hecklerspray always said that people who drove Bentley's were nob-heads) illegally outside Pizza Express in Esher, Surrey, for about two whole hours.

So while he and his 'holier-than-disabled' family perused the menu, a cavalcade of disabled drivers drove endlessly around and around the streets of Esher desperately looking for a place to park, crying tears of disabled despair.

One of these drivers, Mungo, 32, from Bexhill-on-Sea, was so enraged that he choked to death on his own foam. Mungo was later found resurrected and fictitious.

When Terry finished his meal he no doubt had a poo, before returning to find a £60 fine left under the wiper-blade of his car by one of Britain's heroic traffic wardens. He didn't even have the common decency to feign a limp or an epi on the way.

According to reports, Terry dropped his trousers and pants, placed his penis into the palm of his hand and pissed £60 pound into it. He then wheel-span away with the most evil laugh he could muster and flipped the bird at a nearby Scope.

You see, Terry makes a reported £135,000 a week. That's £135,000-a-week. The man is a walking advert for the moral decline inevitable in a capitalist society. Stalin would never had let this happen, that's all we're saying.

Last night an aide said Terry was sorry and pledged never to do it again. Tell it to Mungo, Terry. Tell it to Mungo's grieving family.

Read more: Footie Ace Parks In Disabled Bay – The Sun