Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Though she has starred in summer blockbusters, like “Pirates of the Carribean” and highly regarded period dramas, Keira Knightly is mostly known for her high cheekbones; well-defined, yet delicate nose; and her overall stunning effect on the male populace.
Whether she is donning long, lustrous locks, or her once signature cropped, wispy cut she is generally considered a great beauty of our time.
Freckles. That’s the first thing you’ll notice about Erin Heatherton. She’s got those adorable freckles. And she’s tall at 5 11′ too. Popular for a being a Victoria Secret Angel and a young, nubile sexy thing, Erin dated Leonardo DiCaprio for almost a year.? She’s only 23 years old and the world is her oyster.
Ever noticed how Victoria Secret models love to show off pictures of themselves without makeup. I mean what’s up with that? The prettier you look, the more you flaunt the no-makeup look and that’s a good thing I guess. Yes, there are a ton of pictures showing Erin Heatherton without makeup online. Like all women blessed with natural beauty, she shows off.
Elmo did what?!
Not to make light of the whole sex offender thing (though really, why else are we here), but this recent Elmo puppeteer sex scandal has been worthwhile for the Twitter reactions alone. But more on those later.
This week, an anonymous man claimed he had an underage affair with Kevin Clash, the guy who voices the popular Sesame Street character, Elmo. The?anonymous accuser claimed that he was 16 and Clash was 45 when this relationship took place. It was very disconcerting.
You know when somehow people suppress information for months and months because they know that it’d send the nation into a mad panic if it was reported at the time? Like how people never knew how close Britain came to losing the world wars, or how close terrorists come to blowing us up. Well we have old news for you!
Paul McCartney almost died. That’s right. The loveable, fake-haired moptop singer of the Beatles (the only one still living that’s not called Ringo Starr, natch) could’ve been involved in a helicopter crash. Back in May.
What have you done today? Bet you’ve dragged yourself through your dreary life, bumping into other insignificant doldrumites, who clamour for their carcinogenic hit of Heat magazine to find out what that family of soulless prostitutes we call Kardashians are up to.
Frankly, between us, you sicken us. Maybe you should try a little harder and people will stop thinking you have an alcohol problem and smiling inanely at you when you struggle to open the bottle of Pepsi Max you have with your Boots Meal Deal.
Whereas us, we’ve jumped from cloud to cloud to return an angelic harp to a sad Saint Peter, made a deal with Death himself to let us pass, and ensure that once Britney Spears does pass, she doesn't return in a zombie form and a red pleather catsuit and managed to lose our girlfriend in a mythical land. So not a bad day?s work really. Bet all the exercise that you’ve had is strumming yourself in the Tesco car park while thinking about how sexy him from Outnumbered is going to be soon. You sicken us.
With the teasing of a new Dizzy hitting the old interwebs as late as yesterday, people were kind of surprised that definite information would be released so soon. It kind of made the whole teasing process pointless, like most attempts at foreplay.
But the news has ?finally? been released and the new Dizzy game is going to be… *Mark Ronson style trumpet blare*
A rehash of 1991?s Dizzy: Prince Of The Yolkfolk. Can we have some grumbles with that underwhelming announcement please?
RPGs are like the 80s. Before the 80s were cool, they were revered by everyone as being the decade with the most eye meltingly bad fashion/music/celebrities. But that whole decade has had a resurgence in popularity; partly because of Lady Gaga?s vagina, partly because of Brian May?s tenacity (that man will not be forgotten easily).
Whatever the reason, the 80s are back, which is just like the rise in popularity that role playing games have had over the past few years.
Well before the Elder Scrolls and every other game had levelling up characteristics and diluted the market with enough hot RPG action to put you off them for life, there was a lower standard of charming RPG that grabbed us by the soon-to-be short and curlies, before paedophiles became all the rage.
The 1980s were a great time: Kelly Le Brock was still a bodacious chick, 9/11 was still twenty years away, Blossom was still a good decade away, so you didn't have Joey Lawrence hair envy yet and Dizzy The Magical Fantasist Egg was the alternative to tickling your balls with soda from a SodaStream.
Times may have changed; for instance Kelly Le Brock looks like someone melted a mariachi band, Joey Lawrence is bald and SodaStream still feels great on your nutsack, but Dizzy still remains in the hearts and minds of thirty year old men. Like a pixellated Diana, Princess of Hearts. Only more interesting and a better soundtrack. There’s only so much you can remix screeching tyres and a Martin Bashir interview.
So it's good news that a new version of Dizzy has been rumoured by Codemasters isn't it?
Dwayne Johnson a.k.a. The Rock a.k.a. The Great One a.k.a. The Brahma Bull a.k.a. The People?s Champion a.k.a. The Scorpion King has decided that now is the time for him to don his famous trunks once more and return to the world of professional wrestling.
That's right folks. Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to the WWE.
While wrestling fans all over the globe doff their beer-hats and wipe a greasy tear from their collective faces with a podgy, cheese covered finger, we here at hecklerspray can only wonder what has caused The Rock to make such a grandiose return to Vince McMahon?s proverbial dead horse, which by now has been flogged more times than anyone cares to pay attention to.
ABBA hate each other don’t they? They all swapped fluids and such and ended up seething eyeball to eyeball, bowing out of the spotlight in the lamest way possible – limping out with a live performance on The Late, Late Breakfast Show.
Bj?rn Ulvaeus said that the group would never appear on stage again because “there is simply no motivation to re-group. Money is not a factor and we would like people to remember us as we were. Young, exuberant, full of energy and ambition. I remember Robert Plant saying Led Zeppelin were a cover band now because they cover all their own stuff. I think that hit the nail on the head.”
They’ve previously turned down an envelope with ?600 million in it to tour and… well… Benny Andersson and Ulvaeus have now started musing on it all again, presumable to attract interest in a new project or ABBA box-set or something.
