Every year the ACM awards – like the Grammys but more buck-toothed and NASCAR-fixated – end up the same way.

Kenny Chesney wins. Every year – no matter how obviously unentertaining he’s been – Kenny Chesney wins the ACM Entertainer Of The Year award, even though he basically has a hat instead of an actual personality.

But this year the ACM Entertainer Of The Year award went to Carrie Underwood, who is female. Carrie Underwood’s win shocked the country music community, with some members worried that if women can win gender-unspecific ACM awards then next they’ll be allowed to vote or drive or something.

The ACM Entertainer Of The Year award has always been Kenny Chesney’s to lose. For some reason – we’re guessing that it’s because the majority of country singers routinely confuse ‘charisma’ for ‘uncomfortable xenophobia’ or ‘assaulting women in the face‘ – Kenny Chesney managed to walk away with the award for four years on the trot.

And, truth be told, Kenny Chesney would have probably won it this year too, if only he hadn’t been such a monumental turd about it last time around. And even though throwing a tantrum because an award was voted for by fans instead of an anonymous panel of industry insiders was by default the most entertaining thing he’d ever done, it pretty much destroyed any hope of him winning it again this year.

That meant the ACM Entertainer Of The Year award was wide open this year – it could have been won by the recovering alcoholic or the annoying virgin or that fat woman – but in the end it was won by none other than Carrie Underwood. Given that we couldn’t hum a single Carrie Underwood song to you even if you put a gun to our heads, we’re guessing that Carrie Underwood won for the entertaining way that she a) never takes her clothes off, b) never eats delicious meat and c) never reveals any personal secrets about herself whatsoever.

Because, you know, all of these are the epitome of entertainment, right? Right? Hello? Anyway, People reports:

Carrie Underwood became the first woman since 2001 to be named ACM entertainer of the year – and only the seventh female to win the Academy of Country Music’s top honor since it was first handed out in 1970. “I’ve had a lot of good moments in the last four years. This one takes the cake!” said a teary-eyed Underwood. “I don’t know what to say! I got nothing.”

While it’s good to see Carrie Underwood win the ACM Entertainer Of The Year Award – especially since it means that the country music community no longer sees women exclusively as objects to compose identikit trucker ballads with tortuous punny titles about – we are a little worried about the precedent that it sets.

After all, Carrie Underwood is from American Idol. And now that reality TV stars are being allowed to infiltrate the ACM awards, it’s highly probable that Adam Lambert will win the award next year. And then, the year after that, the woman with the funny mouth who got kicked off The Apprentice a couple of weeks ago. And then the next thing you know, someone’s remade The Wild Bunch with Clay Aiken, Renaldo Lapuz, Maureen off Driving School and Piers Morgan. Look us in the eye and tell us that’s something you actually want. Piers Morgan, for crying out loud.

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So, you know, it’s just a shame that Kenny Chesney more or less thinks that all his fans are dicks.

That’s what he’s implied, anyway – yesterday Kenny Chesney won the ACM Entertainer Of The Year award for the fourth straight year running but, because the winner was chosen by fans rather than a faceless group of industry insiders, he’s got all stroppy for it and claimed that it doesn’t count as much any more. Oh Kenny, when will you learn that it’s never smart to criticise your fans, especially when they all own shotguns and are the biological result of institutionalised pan-generational incest.

There was a time when Kenny Chesney was the man who married Renee Zellweger and then split up with her, causing people to – apparently wrongly - assume that he was gay. But not any more. Now everyone knows Kenny Chesney as the most entertaining country singer in the world.

It’s true – meet Kenny Chesney and he won’t hit you with one of those traditional country buzzkills like trying to choke you and kiss you at the same time or shooting you in the face. No, so long as the dictionary definition of the word entertaining is “making the exact same joke about the words ’shift’ and ’shit’ being quite similar nine separate times in the space of one song,” then Kenny Chesney will always be the most entertaining country singer in the world.

Kenny Chesney is on an unbelievable streak of entertainingness, too – he won the ACM Entertainer Of The Year award last year, and he won it the year before that as well. And the year before that. And he won it again at the ACM awards last night, too. That puts him on a equal footing with Garth Brooks and just one shy of the all-time record of five wins, so you’d assume that he’d be thrilled with the result.

Except he really isn’t. For the first time in ACM history. this year’s Entertainer Of The Year award was voted for by the public. You know, the people who actually buy CDs and concert tickets and are probably the best gauge of what’s entertaining and what isn’t. Some people would think that being given a prize by the public is better than being given one by a panel of industry insiders each with their own personal investments and biases, but not Kenny Chesney.

As soon as he won his ACM award last night, Kenny Chesney threw a bit of a tantrum about how he hates the public, especially those who like him enough to go out of his way to vote for him. More or less. Entertainment Weekly reports:

”The entertainer of the year trophy is supposed to represent heart and passion and an amazing amount of sacrifice, commitment, and focus,” Chesney said. “That’s the way Garth [Brooks] won it four times, that’s the way I won it, that’s the way [George] Strait won it, Reba [McEntire], Alabama all those years. That’s what it’s supposed to represent.” Chesney went on to say that the academy turned the award ”into a sweepstakes to see who can push people’s buttons the hardest on the Internet.”

Of course, as galactically stupid of him as it was to suggest that his award was devalued by the public’s involvement, he does have a point. For starters, if this award was mainly voted for by Kenny Chesney fans, then that’s proof enough that none of the voters have any taste whatsoever.

And secondly, Kenny’s right – this sort of vote is just a gimmick, and one that can be easily corrupted by one nominated act exhorting their fans to vote again and again to secure the win.

It’s a good job that Kenny Chesney doesn’t stoop to that level, which is why we’re sure the blurb on the homepage to his website reading…

Kenny Chesney is nominated for his 4th consecutive ACM Entertainer of the Year and we need all of Kenny’s fans to get out and Vote. Below are several tools to share with everyone you know to help spread the word. YOU have the power! VOTE for Kenny Chesney as ACM’s Entertainer of the Year!

…is just a typo. And also that the big ‘Vote for Kenny Chesney’ banner, the two ‘Vote For Kenny Chesney’ graphics that people can embed in their blogs, the gigantic ‘VOTE FOR KENNY CHESNEY AT THE ACM AWARDS’ headline and the four different ‘Vote For Kenny Chesney’ flyers that fans are asked to print out and actually hand to people in the street that all feature heavily at the top of his website are probably the work of bastard hackers or something.

Read more:

Kenny Chesney: Fans Shouldn’t Decide Top ACM Award  - EW