Reese Witherspoon, with her ankle shaped skull, hadn’t been married long before every intimate detail of her ceremony (presumably, that includes the wedding shag they indulged in) was hauled before we in the bleachers, so we could pore over it in the press and not know quite why we were interested.
Did the knowledge of Witherspoon’s dress designer and guest list really add any value to our lives? No. But it’s kinda fun to annoy people with more money and talent than us, right?
And so, to gripe about her loss of privacy, the Walk The Line actress decided to open up about her private thoughts to a magazine so we could read all about it.
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This Christmas will forever be forgotten as the one that was filled with celebrities proposing to each other. Natalie Portman, LeAnn Rimes, Hugh Hefner and Lily Allen have all announced their intentions to get wed, which is obviously cripplingly sweet and pleasant.
Not that this will stop us from berating them all in some way. Apart from Natalie Portman because she’s just lovely. The git.
And now, adding her name to the list of Talks About Nothing Other Than Stupid Wedding Dresses is Hollywood thesp Reese Witherspoon who is sometimes very beautiful, other times, akin to something dug up from the soil of a pensioner’s allotment.
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To be clear, while this rumour makes Jessica Simpson look like a cat lady desperate to keep a boyfriend of six months, this story is regarding $100,000 more than any of the hecklerspray gang have. That includes our pocket money, paper rounds, and the weekly tin of beans we get paid to entertain you good folks.
Jessica became engaged to her boyfriend-since-May, Eric Johnson, on Thursday of last week. She confirmed the news on Sunday. It had been six days since ex-husband Nick Lachey proposed to his girlfriend-of-four-years, Vanessa Minnillo.
Jessica insisted the timing of her engagement was a coincidence, caused by nothing more than withholding sex until she got her own way (we’re guessing that last bit). Either that, or engagement was just an option that didn’t require stretch trousers and dirty nappies; moreover, there’s no ‘Take backsies!’ on a baby, and no one gives you jewellery. Read More >>>
Do you want the good news or the bad news? Well tough, there isn’t any bad news. There’s good news and great news – Michael Bolton is single!
Yes, that solitary fact is both good news and great news. Read it again. Michael Bolton is single. Michael. Bolton. Is. Single. Michael Bolton is single! We’ll have to make this brief because we want to spray our nads with Old Spice and form an orderly queue outside Michael Bolton’s house with the rest of the hormone-ravaged ladies. Everyone wins!
OK, maybe it isn’t particularly good news for Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan, because Michael Bolton only became single after breaking off his engagement to her and she’s probably wallowing around up to her knockers in self-pity as a result. But then it’s probably her fault for having a difficult-to-spell first name, the big cow.
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