Runaway bride Simon Cowell has broken off another relationship, this time to his makeup artist Mezhgan Husaiany.
“It’s quite a complicated relationship. We have had a break from each other, and we are still incredibly close,” Cowell told The Sunday Mirror. “I’m vulnerable. It’s not on, it’s not off, it’s somewhere in the middle. I don’t know if I will ever get married, but I am happy.”
You know how painful it is when you drop an M&M and it rolls under the sofa, and is juuussstttttt out of your reach? Welcome to Mezghan Husaiany’s life.
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Wonderful news folks! Mario Lopez is getting married! We’re thrilled to bits. You see, we like the chap who played A.C. Slater so much that we turned a boring news article about Coheed & Cambria into a brief history of Mario Lopez.
He really is a very, very splendid man.
And now the Saved By The Beller is all grown-up and getting hitched to, quite possibly, the luckiest woman who ever lived. And something must be in the air because only a few months ago, Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar) got engaged and… well… Skreech is still trying to live down his sex tape.
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Hey! This story is so new that even Britney Spears doesn’t know about it and, crucially, it utterly regards to her possible happiness. Or indeed, the sobbing of a rejected beau. You don’t know what we’re talking about do you?
Sorry. We’re excited. Excited to utterly spoil a surprise.
See, tonight, Britney Spears’ boyfriend – Jason Trawick – will get down on one knee and propose to her. He wants to marry her. She might say no! We’ve no idea! He hasn’t asked her yet, but we’ve found out that he plans to and we’re shouting it from the rooftops to ensure that any romance or surprise is shat on.
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Imagine being Courtney Love for a second. Imagine, if you can, what it must be like to be that mental. Try and picture the look on people’s faces are you haul your bizarre face around the streets of the world. Just think, how brilliant it must be to be so deluded that you carry all this off thinking you’re brilliant!
All this, despite the fact you’ve never made a decent record in your life, got your child taken off you for being an outrageous smack-head, fallen out with your deceased husband’s friends (who you were accused of killing in a film) and now, being ignored by your own daughter.
AND NOW SHE MIGHT BE HOMELESS! That’s right, our Courtney – as we previously reported – was involved in a fire at her New York City apartment. Trouble is now knocking on her charred door.
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Courtney Love’s mother-in-law doesn’t have a front door. She has black mold. Her sister-in-law is homeless. Meanwhile, Dave Grohl bought an Aston Martin last week. It’s an awful state of affairs isn’t it?
Of course, some of you may be wondering where this has come from. Well, these ‘facts’ have come from the oddly shaped mouth of Courtney herself who wants to point out what a dreadful rotter Dave Grohl is and how hard done to Courtney’s family are.
One question: Why doesn’t Courtney Love who, by her own admission earns ‘tons of money’, buy her mother-in-law a front door and put her sister up in one of her large houses? Either way, there’s some videos over the jump which show Courtney and her Hole fans enjoying some nice homophobia.
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Sarah Harding, or the blonde one from Girls Aloud, has spent the last wee while in rehab. Did you know that?
No, neither did we.
Is it that no-one told us or simply that the admission of a celebrity to rehab has become so commonplace that we now spend more time focussing on what Daniel O’Donnell’s up to. He’s nice. Grans like Daniel O’Donnell.
Sarah Harding doesn’t though. She thinks he’s boring and once interrupted a West
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Steve Jones is so potent that he could get a homophobe’s trousers aroused. He could probably get a kitchen table pregnant. God. He’s just so sexual.
He’s so sexy that TV productions companies know it and that, because he’s got a relatively self-effacing sense of humour, you can say that people are having sex with him and he won’t mind.
And so, now that Nicole Scherzinger isn’t going out with Lewis Hamilton anymore (mainly because he’s about as thrilling as a wart being frozen off), the X Factor USA team have decided to press her groin against his and shout “YOU’RE TOTALLY GOING OUT NOW! WE ALL SAW YOU COPPING OFF WITH EACH OTHER!” Kim Kardashian is on hand to offer advice about shortlived, lucrative wedding deals no doubt.
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If you’re a Nirvana fan, chances are you’re so young it’s actually sickening. You were barely alive when he redecorated his garage with his brains and therefore, you’ve martyred him to the point he can do no wrong.
You’ve probably got into Riot Grrrl too, despite the fact it was a scene that lasted all of about 30 seconds and was filled with some gaspingly average rock bands. WITH A MANDATE THOUGH.
And so, because you’ll never get close to a scene that has long died, you’ve invariably harboured some stupid fantasy about getting with Frances Bean Cobain. Courtney Love looks like too much work and it isn’t exactly cool hipster points to like Dave Grohl because he’s enjoying being a stadium rock star. Sadly for you jerks, you’ll never get to have sex with Frances Bean, thanks to some rumours that are floating around.
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