Believe what you read and you'll think that Amy Winehouse's lungs are nothing more than gunk-filled peanut-sized husks that barely work at all.

But that's all nonsense - even though her father Mitch spent the weekend telling anyone who'll listen that Amy Winehouse has been struck down with emphysema, it actually turns out that Amy hasn't so much got emphysema as might get it one day in the future if she doesn't stop smoking - something that could probably be said for all smokers everywhere.

Curses! Now our Amy Winehouse Disease Bingo card is all messed up. Quickly, we'll need a bucket of monkeypox and a dirt-resistant syringe. Stat!

As Amy Winehouse so memorably put it in her famous hit "They tried to make me go to rehab/ I said 'wheeze gargle hurrrrrrp."

That's right - it appears that hoofing down crack and cigarettes all the time like a stinky old tramp hasn't done Amy Winehouse's lungs any good at all. According to her dad Mitch, in fact, Amy Winehouse has been diagnosed with the early stages of emphysema - a disease that'll kill her if she doesn't quit drugs immediately.

Now, obviously this isn't news because it's been discovered that Amy Winehouse is close to death - any fool has been able to see that for the last year or so - but because her contraction of emphysema has helped us complete our Amy Winehouse Disease Bingo card! Hooray! Now we just have to decide whether we go double or quits with weaponised Marburg. She doesn't already have that, does she?