The Emmys took place last night, and they were a special Emmys, too – the 60th anniversary of the ceremony. So which megawatt uberstar got to mark this prestigious moment? The fanny-faced bloke from Deal Or No Deal, that’s who. And Ryan Seacrest. Naturally.

But, hey, who won at the Emmys last night? Well, Mad Men picked up the most prestigious award! And 30 Rock scooped several others! And blah! And snore! And honk! And fleurgh!

OK, look, we have a confession to make. We didn’t actually watch the Emmys last night. It’s not that we didn’t want to, it’s just… no, actually it was entirely because we didn’t want to. If we wanted to watch three hours of TV people backslapping each other largely without merit, we’d just hang around for a morning at any TV production company in the world. At least that way we wouldn’t have to go through the soul-crushing rigmarole of seeing Jeremy Piven leap around clutching a shiny trophy for essentially playing Jeremy Piven for the 15th year running.

But, anyway, just because we didn’t see the Emmys doesn’t mean we don’t know what happened. For example, judging by the videos of the Emmys submitted to YouTube so far, the entire three-hour ceremony was given over to Josh Groban, who attempted to sing one line from every television theme-tune ever made in such a variety of irritating wacky voices that we’re surprised nobody clambered onto the stage and punched him to the ground about three seconds in. Here’s a five-minute excerpt…

But the Emmys being tedious and uncomfortably self-congratulatory isn’t news – the news is who won the Emmys. So here’s who won the Emmys.

Man Men won Best Drama and Best Writing for a drama series, which was probably deserved even though watching an episode of Mad Men feels a bit like watching an episode of The Sopranos in slow motion in the moments between overdosing on cough medicine and waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

30 Rock won Emmys for Best Comedy, Best Comedy Actor, Best Comedy Actress and Best Writing for a comedy series which, again, was probably deserved despite Charlie Sheen’s continued excellence at playing a monotone dullard who really looks like he’d much rather being doing anything else at all and who wouldn’t even be on this stinking show if it weren’t for the alimony he has to pay his bitch of an ex-wife on Two And A Half Men.

Other winners at the Emmys included John Adams, Don Rickles and Glenn Close. Other losers at the Emmys includes anyone who watched the Emmys.

Honestly, don’t the people behind the Emmys know that people only take award ceremonies seriously if Britney Spears turns up and wins a bunch of stuff she patently doesn’t deserve just because she’s got hair and isn’t crying for once? You’d do well to remember that for next year, Emmy people.

Come on Katherine, grow some sense – you can’t make any comment about anything, ever, without it being jumped on and you made out to look like something of a snob or a twit. Remember the Knocked Up ’sexist’ fiasco? Where it came out that you thought the film was sexist? Then backtracked, claiming your quote was taken out of context?

Then everyone decided you hated the film?

Then everyone decided you were a bit of a mouthy git?

Seriously – the smart money would be on choosing your words more carefully, or just keeping schtum. But you haven’t learned – this time you’ve made it look as if you’re slagging off Grey’s Anatomy, which currently pays the bills. Again, maybe not so smart.

Yes, Katherine Heigl was nominated for an Emmy award at this year’s ceremony, but she’s gone and pulled out. Because apparently she doesn’t think she’s deserving of a trophy this year. #

Actually, that’s quite honourable and honest of her. So why did she have to go and make it sound as if she’s blaming the show for her being undeserving?

“I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention.”

Speaking to the Los Angeles Times, Heigl made it all too clear where she was placing the blame. She wasn’t the one that had been crap over the last year – the show was! It’s all clear now! Possibly noticing that this was one of the least subtle comments belittling one’s own show, Katherine followed up the comment:

“In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials.”

Ah. Kick the Anatomy when it’s down, why don’t you. Jeez.

We suppose it could be worse – Katherine could be having a go at a show that actually has some good points, and not an overly-emotional, faux-intellectual farce of a television show that preys on the lowest common denominator to keep its viewing figures up. Like, say, if she started on The Wire, then, whoa. That wouldn’t bode well for her.

Consider yourself warned, Heigl.