Jennifer Lopez has finally decided to announce the name of her newborn twins – they're called Max and Emme.

"Now just you wait a cotton-picking minute, you sarcastic internet upstart," you're probably roaring at the screen in the ill-informed belief that we can hear you, "They're not crap names like you said in the headline. In a world of Shiloh Nouvels and Bluebell Madonnas, Jennifer Lopez should be applauded for naming her kids something as low-key as Max and Emme."

To which we say, do you know what the twins' full names are? Maximiano and Emelina, that's what. Although that might change once someone informs Jennifer Lopez that she gave birth to human babies, not a fairytale witch and a Pokemon.