Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
So, the super educated, talented, intelligent, beautiful actress, Emma Watson, recently posed for Vanity Fair magazine to pimp out her new beastiality meets Stockholm syndrome flick, Beauty and the Beast.
Inside the magazine, Emma poses for some pics showing some side and underboob and for some reason people are losing their damn minds and coming at her for posing topless while claiming to be feminist. Jesus take the wheel here with me today…
Emma Watson is naked and her photos are on this page. Yes, you read that right. Before your brains explode, calm down and read on to find out more about this amazing turn of events. You’re in for a real treat.
So you’ve been wanting to see Hermione Granger nude for the longest time. You’re not alone. The entire internet is thirsty for Emma Watson. And rightfully so. This is a gorgeous, sexy and intelligent woman we all would love to date. She’s down-to-earth, funny and sophisticated.
Show of hands – how many people, if given enough cash to ensure they would never have to work again, would spend it going back to school? Correct, because none of you are Emma Watson. ?
I’m beginning to suspect that Harry Potter may in fact have been a documentary because the differences between Hermione and Emma Watson are nearly non-existent. Despite have a metric buttload of money in the bank, Emma Watson decided to go to university and earn herself a fancy degree at the same time as starring in multiple Hollywood blockbusters and looking fabulous at big award shows. In other news, I got up for a 9am lecture last week and had to have a four hour nap to recover.
Guys, I have great news! Not since, well, ever has someone been able to present such absolutely, uneqivocally awesome news to the world. It’s like how I imagine the disciples who managed to announce Jesus’ arrival felt, except ten times better because this has a modicum of truth to it.
Guys, Mila Kunis might be in 50 Shades of Grey.
Hogwarts bully, Vincent Crabbe, was found guilty of violent disorder at London’s Wood Green Crown Court after he took part in the now annual event, The London Riots. He was seen ‘swigging’ from a stolen bottle of Champagne. Classy.
Crabbe was cleared of intending to destroy or damage property with a petrol bomb he was pictured holding. He was probably going to ‘swig’ that as well. Not so classy.
However, it is rumoured that Crabbe could well be innocent and, in fact, could’ve been under a spell cast by infamous wizard, Harry Potter.
The world used to love Daniel Radcliffe.? For he was Harry Potter.?From when he was just a sperm to when he sprouted his first pube Radcliffe made a spectacular living from swanning about shouting dodgy Latin while pointing a twig at things.? And we gobbled it up like the suckers we are.
But no more!
The world has got together and decided to take a giant steaming dump of rejection on Radcliffe’s snowy white shag-pile carpet of self worth.? WE DON’T LOVE YOU ANY MORE MR WIZARD!
We all love the Harry Potter don't we? The books are the perfect way to get kids reading and introduces more morbid elements of death and orphans in a child-friendly manner. The films are great hangover fodder, and are one of the biggest British export since Katie Price?s vagina.
All the children on them look so happy to be acting with them don't they? Look at those cherub faces. Not knowing what real life will hold for them after the films finish. We heard that the girl who played Pansy Parkinson is teetering on a total K-hole after taking a great big E through her eyes. They?ll be friends for life once they all have a whip round and throw an intervention for her.
we're romantics at heart aren't we?
Thousands of Harry Potter fans with nothing better to do decided to stand in a queue all night while the heavens opened on them, making them wetter than Ron Weasley’s demeanour. Trafalgar Square is now overrun with Potterists with the local council considering exterminating them like rats as they breed in the streets, birthing runts diseased with magic.
Of course, these poor souls stood beneath the rainclouds ahead of the world premiere of the final instalment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (pt 2), posing the question – why not wait a couple of weeks and watch it online where you won’t get pneumonia from sleeping like tramps in the road?
Naturally, they’ll be hanging around to see the cast, which includes recovering alcoholic Daniel Radcliffe and Emma ‘Are We Still Calling It A New Haircut?’ Watson. It’ll be thrilling for the stars to meet their fans, who will, by the time it gets to this evening,? smell so bad that even a botfly would vomit in their presence, refusing to lay their eggs in the foetid skin of the Potterites.
Daniel Radcliffe seems like a nice chap doesn’t he? That’s despite that fact he got naked once and showed everyone his ghastly, sinewy, gym-honed body which made him look like a pale He-Man figure (didn’t see it? Click here at your peril).
How does someone get the confidence to derobe before the public’s eyes? Easy. Get absolutely hammered ’til your liver starts to hurt.
See, what you didn’t know about the Harry Potter star is that he had a drink-problem. These days, he’s tee-total. The odd thing about that is, is that he’s no more or less interesting than he was when he was hitting the sauce with an impressive regularity.
