We hear congratulations are in order.?WE KNOW! WE KNOW! A Cosmopolitan… Oh alright, fine. Here’s the news, killjoys.

Bruce Willis has successfully?impregnated?another shiny, shiny woman with his brutal gametes. He must stop, really. He’s destroyed so much beauty in the universe already.

Yes, that’s the one. Bruce Willis and a woman called Emma Heming (Well, there’s our new pub quiz team name sorted.) are having an ooh-baby-baby. Oh sorry, we should do that skeptical “comma, insert incredibly old age” thing that the Daily Mail do to highlight how wrong it is when people attempt to achieve things outside the realms of The Good Life.