Eminem - HecklerSpray

The Terrible World of Celebrity Kiss and Tells

September 6th, 2012 By Chris Starr

Celebrity magazines have a lot to answer for. I won’t lie – I enjoy them. In fact, I revel in reading them. I even participate in the bear baiting, terrible news stories that are the stock-in-trade of these pieces of toilet paper. What you’re reading now is essentially a slightly more arch, more ironic digital extension of those magazines.

We poke fun at them here, but really we’re feeding the same beast. We’re prostrating ourselves and wearing the same dirty clothes, piling bodies onto conveyor belts to be shipped into the fiery inferno of celebrity gossip. I’m little better than red top rag journalists.

Eminem Talks About Lady GaGa’s Penis Roughly Two Years After Everyone Else

June 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when Eminem was kinda vital to have around? He made records that didn’t rely on funk breaks and effectively spat out a mixture of awkward confessionals and comedy skits, rather than focusing on displays of wealth and success.

Not that his albums were very good mind you.

And then, of course, he went mental and got addicted to all manner of nonsense and sampled Haddaway, which is just preposterous. You can’t ‘keep it real’ while sampling tawdry Europop. What next? Marshall Mathers Versus London Boys? It would seem that Eminem is off the boil and no longer in the same vicinity as the pulse, let alone getting his finger on it. This is underlined by his snickering at Lady GaGa having a penis, which is now officially so old that it is being considered for inclusion in Christmas crackers.

HecklerPlay: Brit Award Nominations Announced, UK Music Curls Up And Dies

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Once upon a time, bands and artists were nominated for musical awards based on the merit of the audio they committed to LPs. Now, it seems that you can predict the nominees for ceremonies months in advance. Lady Gaga could release an album where she tapes herself constructing a shelf. It could sell bugger-all, but if a good marketing campaign backs it up, then some idiot will buy it.

Hooray for the humble PR team, the people who are paid to promote artists and generate advertising for them at inappropriate times ? such as Take That on every single TV show and advert when opportunity becomes available.

Given that, let us offer our worthless opinion for this year?s nominations that had a great marketing team, appeared at festivals or featured in trashy magazines.

There Is No F***ing Swearing In Eminem’s House, Got That?

October 11th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when there was a flicker of life in Eminem’s eyes? Remember those days? He was the Bart Simpson of the rap world and got up people’s noses and occasionally made a tune worth listening to. And everyone kinda liked ‘Stan’ for a few months.

Then, Marshall Mathers went mental, got strung out on all kindsa weird stuff and then watched his weight fluctuate wildly like someone looking at their reflection in a fun house mirror.

The one thing that remained as constant was Eminem’s potty-mouth. He swears more than a carpenter with giant thumbs… but not in his home, if you can believe that.

Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

August 4th, 2012 By Chris Laverty

This week in good and bad.

Folded:

Stephen Fry at his best (guess who his target is..?)
Want to make a Tron costume for Halloween? This is still the best one out there (warning: contains testes)
Some clarification on the most talked about baffling film of the last thirty years (not Inception)
Randy Quaid (Yes! Cousin Eddie has come to stay!)
Twitter worm (it takes a ?virus to realise you've been wasting most of your day)

Creased:

Eminem (currently has eight songs in the charts, all from 2002)

Eminem & Rihanna ‘Love The Way You Lie’ Video: DECODED

August 6th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Good news! Eminem is back with a brand new album that everybody is really trying very hard to like.

Better news! Eminem’s new single is called Love The Way You Lie and Rihanna sings the chorus on it. Best news! Despite Rihanna’s very public struggles with domestic violence, the video to Love The Way You Lie is largely about Megan Fox and Charlie from Lost beating each other up. How brilliant is that? It’s like Rihanna is totally using the video as a cathartic method of release. Or she’s cashing in on the fact that her boyfriend beat her to the brink of unconsciousness last year. Or she’s saying that domestic violence is wonderful.

To be honest, we’ve lost the ability to tell. But you know what’ll sort that out? A good old decoding of the Eminem and Rihanna Love The Way You Lie video. After the jump, everyone…

The Most TERRIFYING Celebrity Feuds Revealed!

February 18th, 2010 By Josh Burt

Right, everyone needs to calm down. CALM DOWN! JUST RELAX! Breathe. That's it. Breathe. Relax your mind, calm your addled nerves with a nice green tea or a cuddle with a bosomy fat person.

Feeling better? Good. Now, try and maintain your calm, because it's important. Otherwise this whole Liam Gallagher versus Peter Kay thing could escalate, and no one wants to have to go through the whole Biggie and Tupac debacle. Not again.

The north of England will, of course, be divided ? some flashing ‘knobhead’ signs at one another, in honour of Peter Kay?s aside when the Oasis man attempted to look like a rock star by throwing his award into a stage school student?s face. Whilst the rest will be miming the throwing incident, then probably high fiving/kissing one another. This, people, is exactly how gang warfare starts.

So, as a means of terrifying you with the harsh reality of exactly what can happen as a result of a celebrity feud, below are some recent examples. If you scare easily, you should probably stop reading right now, and go and read a romantic novel or something. This isn't for the faint hearted?

Madonna’s Next Lover – Candidates Revealed!

February 5th, 2010 By Josh Burt

Hey man, don't sit around feeling all sorry for Madonna because she hasn't got a boyfriend. That would be a massive waste of time.

Instead, peruse the list of potential suitors below, and decide which one you would consider a worthy follow-up to that pouting Jesus character who recently made a run for it.

Madonna, take your pick.

You're welcome.

Eminem Vs Mariah Carey: The Next Interminable Round

July 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s becoming clear that Eminem and Mariah Carey are the Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor of pop.

No, wait, that’s wrong. We meant to say that Eminem and Mariah Carey are the honking, toothless, meth-addicted, redneck, laundry-airing Jerry Springer guests of pop. Yes, that’s better.

So far, Eminem wrote a song about having sex with Mariah Carey, then Mariah Carey wrote a song calling Eminem obsessed, and now Eminem has written a song threatening to release voicemails and nude pictures of Mariah. Coming soon, Mariah says that Eminem runs like a girl and has fleas and wets the bed. IDST.

Mariah Carey Becomes A Man For Eminem

July 1st, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Hecklerspray truly believes there will come a day when we’ll wake up and stand on a conveyor belt. First we’ll slide past the pee station, then we’ll brush our teeth, we’ll choose a daily gender and then we’ll probably eat some porridge that a robot made for us.

Perhaps the pee station should be after the gender changing one – it’d be more convenient that way if we’re too tired to pull down our pants after being girls the day before.

Until that day, everyone except Mariah Carey‘ll just have to live with what God or scalpel has given us.