Dave Grohl’s a nice guy isn’t he? That huge grinning tooth mouth of his! That fun time Charlie who never has a bad word to say about anyone, ever! Unless you’re Courtney Love that is. Sweet Jesus, he really hates her.

Now hideous, blaspheming supposed nice-guy Dave Grohl has slammed the creator of the greatest television show on Earth, GLEE by basically calling him a whining, simpering git with a God-complex. Which is apparently quite rude!

Ryan Murphy’s incredible sing-a-long comedy which is notable for containing only one funny character has so far worked over the likes of Britney Spears, Madonna, Katy Perry, Journey, Queen and The Beatles. The Glee lynchpins had been expected to add the Foo Fighters to that long list of musical luminaries but Grohl’s distaste for the show and its creator have put a pin in that idea.

Here at hecklerspray we have found it difficult to understand why a hugely successful rock star who is critically acclaimed as part of Nirvana, Queens of the Stone Age and the Foo Fighters is in a position to turn down a television show that is literally so good that it can take a woman with no talent for either singing or acting and refer to her as the show’s muse.

Grohl, speaking to the Hollywood Reporter, stated that;

”You shouldn’t have to do f*cking Glee. And then the guy who created Glee is so offended that we’re not, like, begging to be on his f*cking show…”

Who does he think he is? Some kind of musician? Some kind of artist? Someone that doesn’t really like Glee?! Who knew such people existed?

The embittered Grohl went onto lambast the incredibly lovely Ryan Murphy’s treatment of the pathetic rock stars who didn’t wish to have their music used on the saccharine pep-fest;

”Slash was the first one. [Murphy] wanted to do Guns N’ Roses, and Slash is like, ‘I hate f*cking musicals. It’s worse than Grease’. Then [Murphy's] like, ‘Well, of course he’d say that. He’s a washed-up ol’ rock star. That’s what they f*cking do’.”

While we agree in principle that Guns N’ Roses are terrible (although that’s probably not what they were trying to say), Grohl’s reaction to the whole thing has shown him up as the kind of person that every Gleek should despise. Someone who doesn’t hold having their music auto-tuned by a cynically-marketed comedy-cum-musical up as the pinnacle of their musical career.

Scum.

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Glee is rampant and unstoppable! First, we got the chance to announce that Glee was officially better than The Beatles and now, they’ve gone and swiped the crown of Elvis Presley! Elvis is no longer king! Poor old dead Elvis. It’s not really fair is it? He can’t defend himself from the grave now that Glee are officially better than him.

That’s right kiddiekins, despite the fact Glee only appeared on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in June 2009, in that short time, they’ve already eclipsed Elvis in every way.

Glee has rewritten the record books for most charted songs by an act in the list’s 52-year archives. The cast of Glee haven’t even got close to being massively obese and addicted to all manner of colon rotting prescription drugs!

Elvis, who had a twin brother who stood in for him on stage while he was recording new records and the like, took a tortoise amount of time to slowly and painfully amass 108 chart entries from 1958 to 2003. Glee have already got 113 entries on the Hot 100.

Of course, Elvis’ career started in 1956, and thereby predates the Billboard chart. However, he’s had enough time to fill the chart up with dreadful remixes and reissues so no-one can complain or feasibly argue that Elvis is even remotely as good as Glee.

That said, the two are very similar – neither act writes their own songs, relying on others to come up with their hits for them.

In both instances, it is all about the way the songs are delivered that makes them so great. Glee’s ‘Don’t Stop Believin” cover is like Elvis’ ‘I Just Can’t Help Believing’, apart from the fact that Glee remembered that everyone liked choruses. Both songs are arguably the acts most well-known songs.

Glee are now breaking their own records these days – they have nine songs currently in the chart, beating their previous record of having eight charting hits in a December chart in 2010.

There we have it. The record books show it. Elvis used to be pretty good, but now, Glee have been crowned as the kings and queens of pop.

Write the date down. Glee: Better than Elvis. Thank God we were here and awake to catch the momentous news. Hopefully, Glee will stick a thumb in the eye of The former King and so a show based solely on the cover versions Elvis once sang… and they’ve already played shows in Europe, which is better than lazy shit Presley.

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For the majority of people reading this, you won’t remember who Elvis was. He wasn’t a performer who was brought up through a tough neighbourhood and had to pimp his own sister out money. Neither was he the man who formed a band with three other members from the Elvis area of London in order to perform hip hop.

Instead, he was an overweight musician who scoffed down burgers, hotdogs, fizzy drinks and doughnuts like they were going out of fashion. He was once a glorious singer who pumped out hits like Heartbreak Hotel. But in later life he failed miserable and forcefully squished out shits whilst munching on food, something which later resulted in death.

Hardcore enthusiasts pay visit to Elvis’s Graceland mansion to pay visit to the toilet he died on every year in order to get a whiff of faeces and death. But not it gets better; you can pretend to be the doctor who extracted his heart from the lardy exterior!

Elvis told us that he couldn’t stop falling in love. Originally it was us and at first a little flutter went through our hearts, kind of like when you see a fly escape the sticky trap of a spider’s web. But then Elvis seem to resort to food and use it as company. Whilst we don’t know if he constructed real life people out of cream cakes or sausage rolls, the once king of pop had lost his way. The title was then passed on to the Mr. Potato Head of musicians – Michael Jackson.

No matter if you think Elvis couldn’t improve the crapness of the genre he sang in, you do have to salute him for the way he died. Forget wanking yourself to death in a hotel room or accidentally taking an overdose of a prescription medication. This man died on the throne – all whilst eating more food that would later make him visit the thinking man’s stool again.

Sold through Paul Fraser Collectables which to us sounds like a ropey House Of Frasier, the following items are available for you to buy:

“Items being sold in the sale include Elvis’s toe tag – marked “John Doe,” after the original was stolen by a fan at the hospital – the instruments used in the post mortem, the preparation room case report and case sheet, dry cleaning tags, Elvis’s suit and tie, and a coffin shipping invoice.”

And if you want the goods, well they can be yours for a pitiful $14,000. If you win the auction you can then dress up as Elvis and visit local co-op funeral parlour homes to literally get the experience of having an Elvis based funeral. You could even bust all the greatest hits out of the singer, including that song that was used to promote dog food and the one we can’t remember at the moment.

Once we die, please feel free to bid on our distinguished collection of pornography that showcases the rise of lesbianism in Norway between 1988 and 1997.

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If you were Elvis, and you were dead but all these fantastic songs kept popping into your head and you just had to let the public hear them, you’d probably possess the body of your chunky daughter to get the job done.

And while you inhabited that body you’d probably use its hands to wipe away all the sweat you didn’t know your little girl had to deal with every time she ate. Like father like daughter.

When you weren’t wiping away the sweat, though, you’d use her hands to record the most incredible music the world has ever known. hecklerspray‘s theory is that this is where we got Lisa Marie’s two solo records from. That’s why they’re written so impeccably from the perspective of someone who died from a severe over-consumption of hotdogs and chocolate cake. Think about it.

But speaking of Elvis’ ghost – Lisa Marie still speaks to Elvis’ ghost. Isn’t that interesting? We have their recent summed up conversation for you on the next page.

Lisa Marie Presley had some beautiful kids recently. She pushed them out of her butt, and lo and behold they were twins! Moments like that are probably enough to make her wish he poor dad was still alive to meet them.

Lucky for her, then, that there was a medium somewhere completely willing and able to get paid to contact Elvis on the other side to arrange for a formal introduction. According to the Daily Star, this is how the conversation went:

“I would know his energy anywhere and this was him, I have no doubt. Not only was it his voice, but I could also feel the exact same love that he gave me when I was a little girl. It was so overwhelming that I started to cry.

“The medium comforted me with his words by telling me he was proud of me, the babies were beautiful, he’s doing just fine on the other side, he watches over me. After I sort of got acclimatised to all this and dried my eyes, we had this amazing talk. The most comforting thing he told me is that even though he’s not here physically any more, he is still with me and he’ll watch over the babies too.”

Now we know what you’re thinking, but Presley Jr isn’t just some sucker. She didn’t walk in there ready to accept any ‘Elvis’ communication as being straight from dear old dad. She had some tests ready so the medium would be able to prove absolutely everything she said. Allegedly.

From what we gather the tests involves Lisa sitting in another room stabbing various foods to death and seeing if Elvis could identify them on the other side. He answered twinkies across the board, so his daughter knew what she was hearing was true. She knew she was talking to her father.

What a very special moment that must have been for everybody involved.

Everyone knows that Elvis is dead. We think it’s because he fell off a train or something. He was fumbling for a twinkie and grabbed way past his point of balance.

He glided for a few feet with his jumpsuit wings, but he wasn’t good at steering and smashed into a light post. Over the next five minutes his neck was snapped in two. Not from the train – he was just gliding really slow. If you didn’t already know, we’re sorry to have to break it to you. The king is dead. Don’t worry though because he lives on in pictures.

New pictures.

That’s right – brand new pics of the king have emerged. They may or may not have titles like Elvis: Sweating With Resolve, Elvis Picking Things Off His Skin or Elvis Gliding Into A Lamp Post/Goodbye Elvis. That last one we find offensive.

Careful how you name stuff, photographer.

Fans still reeling from Elvis’ death probably take comfort in knowing their hero is currently reincarnating deep in the bottomless belly of his chunky pregnant daughter. He’s here again – among us. Why, this very second he’s probably growing fingers, toes and both sets of genitalia that all babies develop in the womb until one set overpowers the other, only to eat it in a sweet, delicious victory. That’s how gender is decided. We lerned it in high school.

That’s all happening even as you read this, except for the reincarnated Elvis bit. That’s not actually happening at all. For those of you that were waiting – keep doing what you’re doing. And until Disney develops the right kind of animatronics to reanimate the king’s green moldy corpse, a few new pictures of him will have to tide you over. All Headline News has the scoop:

“Iconic never-before-seen photos of Elvis Presley have recently surfaced which shows Elvis rocking out at Madison Square Garden. One of the most classic Elvis photos shows The King wearing a white jumpsuit on stage, looking up to the sky with his arms outstretched and holding his cape spread out behind him.”

The pictures are glorious, if you were wondering. The originals would look so nice next to your Elvis lunch-box, your Elvis lamp-shade and your actual preserved arm from the drummer of Def Leppard.

So, you know, keep your eyes open for an auction.

Read More:

Lost Elvis Photos Found – Ireland Online