Posts tagged as:

Elephants

Twilight Fans! You Can Look Like A Corpse On Your Wedding Day, Just Like Kristen Stewart!

by Mof Gimmers

Oooh! Wedding dresses! They’re amazing aren’t they! The average woman will buy three in her lifetime, tying the knot with men who are wise enough to hire something and give it back without forking out all that hard-earned money (which of course, they’ll spend on their mistresses). And the wedding that real saps are aching [...]

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Robert Pattinson Deemed Too Boring To Play The Lifeless Corpse Of Jeff Buckley

by Mof Gimmers

Look. Look at Robert Pattinson. Jesus Christ. How boring can a human be? He’s so terminally dull that light often refuses to reflect off him, leaving him a walking shadow, slowly chewing sandwiches that contain nothing more than margarine and tedium. And so, it comes as little surprise that he hasn’t been chosen to rock [...]

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Robert Pattinson Hints At Kristen Stewart Relationship To Wake Everyone Up From Crippling Boredom

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Robert Pattinson? Apart from those of you who become aroused at the very sight of his perfectly square face, chances are, you barely recall him because he’s just so amazingly dull. So dull that no-one has ever heard the end of one of his sentences. Ever. The only thing of note is that everyone [...]

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Dripping With Gunk, Robert Pattinson Is Or Isn’t Going Behind Kristen Stewart’s Back With Caitlin Cronenberg

by Mof Gimmers

Its a good job that Robert Pattinson is good-looking. He wouldn’t be famous otherwise would he? Here, we have a young man with all the personality of a whisk and the acting prowess of a SCART lead. Yet, time and time again, he’s rumoured to be having it away with some pretty thing behind Kristen [...]

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Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart To Cut Back On Partying, Meaning That They Nearly Don’t Exist Now

by Mof Gimmers

Christ on a pogo stick! Could Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart possibly become anymore boring than they already are? Bearing in mind that between them, their collective presence makes a room filled with motionless, beige mannequins look like a riot in Studio 54. But wait! Despite the fact that these two take up perfectly good [...]

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Robert Pattinson Swears In Attempt To Have Personality

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson, a chap so boring that yawning has been known to slit its wrists in his presence, has done a swear on the tellybox, prompting hysterical fangirls to flood their gussets with a mixture of arousal and mirth. That’s right! Despite having all the charisma of those plastic protector guards you get on new [...]

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Robert Pattinson In Sweet Elephant Threesome

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson, a man so terminally dull that people in comas have revived themselves briefly to turn off their own life support machines, is starring in a film with elephants, which is nice isn’t it? In this film, he has a threesome. Not with two lady elephants, mind. Nope, R-Pattz gets to chow down in [...]

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Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Spotted Kissing In Attempt To Thwart Tedium

by Mof Gimmers

The gossip columns are alight with the news that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been seen kissing each other – and not on-set! Yes indeed! They’ve swapped spittle with their own well-deserved free will in the back of a car! However, we suspect that the pair actually didn’t kiss. Rather, after staring at each [...]

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MySpace Trawl – Elephants

by Matthew Laidlow

Thinking logically about the world in which we live, the multiple creatures that inhabit the animal kingdom could make a killer band. OK, we admit that The Jungle Book has already done this – but come on, that’s not real. We all know bears and snakes can’t talk. However, giant turtles would make the perfect [...]

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I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): Myleene Klass Gets Sticky In Bed

by Paul Gibson

Having already changed rooms because of an insect infestation, Myleene has accidentally glued herself to her bed. If anyone starts connecting the dots between ‘insects’, ‘grasshoppers’ and ‘sticky hotel room messes’, they will be asked to leave. Myleene Klass, barely-sentient host of the celebrity torturefest: we knew she wasn’t the greenest leaf on the tree, [...]

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