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Election

Elton John Loves Hillary Clinton Something Mental

by Stuart Heritage

If you thought that the US general election only appealed Americans, think again – British tubby gay bald gap-toothed piano players with vision problems are also mad into it.

And since the only British tubby gay bald gap-toothed piano player with vision problem in existence is Elton John, we must mean him. Elton John is throwing down on the side of Hillary Clinton, and is holding a fundraising concert in New York next month to prove it.

No doubt Elton John’s concert will raise a lot of money for Hillary Clinton – it’ll basically be the same as his Las Vegas show, but with all the glamour and sex replaced with hectoring speeches about immigration reform. Good old Elton, always giving the people what they want.

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Smelly-Looking Hippies Play For Barack Obama

by Stuart Heritage

Today is Super Tuesday, which we think is what Americans call Pancake Day.

Not really – every day is Pancake Day if you’re American. In fact, Super Tuesday is when everyone decides which person they’d like to think about choosing as the candidate that might possibly end up being the President or something. And all of the candidates need all the help they can get.

Barack Obama knows this, which is why he got The Grateful Dead to reform in a show of support. So at least he’s got the wizened old cheesy-toenailed hippy vote sewn up.

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Snoop Dogg Is An Idiot

by Paul Sorrenti

When it comes to telling people about good weed, Snoop Dogg is the man. Or, if you wanna be street like hecklerspray, then he’s da man – right kids?

Either way he’d clearly be a good man to turn to in times of need – you’ve got to give him his dues. Also, if you ever felt yourself thinking “I really want to listen to someone who can spell out their name in a variety of different ways,” then Snoop Dogg is definitely da man – he has spent his entire career seemingly doing little else than pushing back the boundaries of that particular art form – you really do have to give him his dues.

But is Snoop Dogg da man to turn to when looking for advice on the Democratic preliminaries? Shall we find out? Yeah, let’s find out.

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US Election Betting Odds: Winning Party

by C J Davies

You there! Fancy a ‘flutter’, do you?

Let’s face it – even if you ascribe to Bill Hicks’ philosophy that American politics is basically choosing which puppet can give the best impression of your beliefs (something Britain seems to have emulated too), then you might as well make a bit of cash out of this whole upcoming election shebang.

So we’re all doomed to Armageddon no matter who gets into office? Who cares? You’ve got a tenner that’s burning a hole in yer pocket, and you’ll be damned if you’re not going to do something election-based with it, right here, right now.

Let’s kick things off with the big boy, then: the betting odds for which party is going to win the 2008 US Presidential Election, as mapped out by those lovely people over at Paddy Power.

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