eBay - HecklerSpray

Bid For Justin Bieber’s Bonce On Ebay

February 25th, 2011 By Kris Silver

Squeaky clean pop annoyance Justin Bieber recently had a haircut, which was front-page news almost everywhere, even here on hecklerspray. The news of his haircut sent shockwaves around the world, with sexually confused 12 year olds and slightly creepy 40 somethings everywhere begging to know why he'd chopped his famous $500 fringe off.

Naturally it's all rather ridiculous, it's only some hair after all, it'll grow back, you do know that, right?

What's even more ridiculous to the furore over Bieber?s bonce is the fact that you can now buy the hair he had lopped off. That's right, you can buy Bieber?s former barnet covering, if you have $7,000 to spare that is.

You! Buy J.D. Salinger’s Toilet! For One Million U.S.!

August 23rd, 2010 By Shawn Lindseth

There’s a definite theme to the breaking news today. First we learned that Russell Brand will Queef in front of anybody or something, and now we’re learning that you, yes you – can buy a toilet that once proudly gulped down several pounds of J.D. Salinger’s dookey on a daily basis.

For the sickos out there – pictures of the crapper look pretty clean, so we we doubt you’ll be able to clone a pee monster out of any dried droplets stained under the rim. If you somehow pulled that off though – well that’d just be cool.

Would you like to know where you can buy said toilet? And for how much? The latter question basically got answered in the headline up there. The first question though – that one gets answered after the jump.

It’s on Ebay though. Just so you know.

Why Not Buy Globs Of Scarlett Johansson’s Rancid Snot?

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Like many people, we’ve often dreamt of laying down, naked as a baby, and smearing ourselves with Scarlett Johansson’s nasal mucus.

And, hey, now we can. For reasons that frankly we’re too petrified to go into, Scarlett Johansson has decided to auction off one of her snot-filled tissues on eBay. The most frightening news? It’s currently standing at $2,205.

While that makes for an expensive trophy – or dinner condiment – $2,205 is actually enough money for scientists to harvest Scarlett Johansson’s DNA and build their own snot-covered, manky-looking Jurassic Park-style Scarlett Johansson clone. Or they could just buy Cheryl Baker from Buck’s Fizz instead. Whichever’s cheapest.

You! Buy Snoop Dogg’s Non-Golden Garden Shed! On eBay!

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Do the 18″ spinning rims on your lawn mower get rain-spotted because you don’t have any kind of a structure to keep it in? Is your rake plated in gold but you’d never know it because it got lost under a pile of leaves last fall due to piss poor tool organisation? Whenever you’re in the Home Depot do you think your experience would be better if only the air was a touch more skunky?

Well have we got good news for you – You may be able to solve all those issues soon with the help of Snoop Doggy Dogg. He’s selling his old garden shed on eBay. That’s right, on eBay – so someone like you can help keep up hip hop’s proud tradition of extremely precise lawn care.

Hey Everyone, Ringo Starr’s Sorry For Being An Idiot

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As we all know, Ringo Starr has too much to do these days to justify pointless crap like being nice to his own fans.

However, some crazy old idiots got upset at Ringo Starr’s recent request for his fans to stop sending him stuff, so he’s decided to clarify his confusing little outburst. You see, Ringo Starr only wants you to stop sending him stuff because it hurts the environment and objects he signs only end up being hawked on eBay anyway.

Ringo’s quick decision to clear up the mess he made should be applauded – now we know that he doesn’t hate his fans, just the fans who like buying his autographs on the internet. And now we can also be sure that it really was Ringo Starr in that video earlier this week, rather than the melted underpowered robot of a kestrel in sunglasses that we assumed we were watching.

David Beckham’s Servants Allegedly ‘Nick All Of David Beckham’s Stuff’

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Just because David Beckham earns about £400 billion every second, it doesn’t mean you can go around pinching his things.

That’s the sorry lesson learnt by Eric and June Emmett, two of the human beings that David and Victoria Beckham employ as house slaves. According to reports, the Emmetts have been taken into custody for allegedly half-inching property belonging to the Beckhams and selling it on eBay.

It just goes to show that when you’re as famous as the Beckhams are, you can’t trust anyone – not even your own staff. It’s not so much the fact that the Emmetts allegedly stole football shirts and designer dresses that upset the Beckhams but, now that the household copy of The Little Red Hen Goes To Town has been swiped, David’s reading ability is bound to be set back weeks, if not months.

Michael Jackson’s Underpants Could Soon Be In Your Sock Drawer

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Readers – we love you like we love our own mother.

And although our love for you wasn’t nurtured from a lifetime of you cutting the disgusting corners off our peanut butter sandwiches, it is love just the same. We love you deep, and we love you real.

It is this love that has us worried about you most nights. You see, our greatest fear is one wherein you all won’t be able to retire come age 35. That would be a real shame. You need to plan ahead – you need to invest.

You know – invest. Like in stocks and bonds and what not. Also you could invest in a pair of Michael Jackson‘s underpants. Those are currently worth $1,000,000 a piece, and the value is expected to rise exponentially. You’d better act fast though – there’s only one of them up for sale.

It all happens on eBay today, apparently.

Buy Miley Cyrus On eBay. Also Buy Her Clothes.

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Now we know you are all probably gonna judge us, but keep in mind that Miley Cyrus is really, really mature for her age.

Her and us could probably talk for hours about the things we have in common – ownership of a bicycle, for instance. Yes, that’s it. We could talk about the ownership of bicycles. Well wherever our fantastic conversation is gonna lead us – it’s gonna lead us there soon. After all, we will do whatever it takes to ensure our eBay bid for a date with her is the one that reins supreme.

It better anyway. We just bought a new button-down shirt at Wal-Mart, and we’re having our favorite pants professionally pressed. We’d be embarrassed to have gone all out like that for nothing.

Scarlett Johansson Is A Cinema-Date Whore

March 31st, 2009 By Paul Sorrenti

Scarlett Johansson is so sought-after that a man from the UK has actually paid $40,100 (about £20,000) to be able to accompany her to the premier of her upcoming movie, He’s Just Not That Into You.

He doesn’t even appear to have been guaranteed sex on any level – not even a tonguing – and yet has paid for the equivalent of 8,000 anal sexes with Manfa, who has been hanging round the corners of hecklerstreet for four years now.

When asked what kind of an evening she’d give a man who had paid £40,100, Manfa said she’d “willingly go blind in both eyes,” and if he still wanted to go see the movie, that “with a film title like that, blindness may be a blessing,” before adding “maybe I’d go deaf for it too.” But that’s Manfa, and she really is a dirty whore. Five dollars for sex? That’s two pound fifty; cheaper than a Zinger Tower.