In today’s world of boring, pointless, vapid celebrities mincing around never doing anything, not causing any trouble and generally being thoroughly boring you could be forgiven for thinking that the entertainment that we, the public, rightly deserve from these fools is never going to come our way.

Then DMX goes and gets a mega-whammy of arrests for a number of different reasons – granted, he’s not going around stabbing people, but he is doing things that we’re allowed to take the piss out of. Which is clearly much better for us.

The most recent of DMX’s failures to obey the law came about when the rapper didn’t really manage to appear in court for an earlier arrest. Instead he went to hospital. Close, but not quite the right building. Must try harder.

DMX, known to people who don’t want to dignify that ‘name’ by actually using it as Earl Simmons, was lingering about a Wal-Mart, possibly trying to cause more mayhem involving drugs and stuff, when the police acted on a warrant and brought the vagabond in for his no-show.

The original charges levelled against Earl were related to possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, though reports this consisted of a T-shirt with the slogan “DMX Likes Pot” on it and a matching headband were unconfirmed at the time of going to press.

Needless to say though, these are definitely serious charges and ones sure to cement Simmons’ reputation as a bad boy on the rap scene. Or just a bloke who had some weed on him and got caught. Either way, he’ll be known as… a man… who did something.

DMX is also waiting on the outcomes of a few other cases, involving animal cruelty and identity fraud, amongst others. Come to think of it, we do remember receiving an email from an ‘American prince’ the other month, but we didn’t actually put two and two together until now. He offered us the chance to “Party Up” if we gave him all of our savings.

Naturally we did, but this ‘Prince of DMXia’ never got back to us. It all makes sense now. But why he would want to take on the identity of the amorphous blob that is hecklerspray we do not know. Maybe the life of alleged crime is too much for the poor dear.

It’s not the first time the X-ey one has faced charges – he was cleared of rape, a stabbing, impersonating an FBI agent and some other pretty comical charges like ‘mischief’. We didn’t know you could be arrested for behaving like a nine-year-old boy, but hey ho – at least he’s keeping his part of the bargain up and actually offering us some entertainment in his private life.

It would appear that outside of allegedly committing crimes, DMX is the only artist to have five consecutive albums debut at number one on the Billboard chart. (Alleged) crime does pay, it would seem.