Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Oh shit, I am so full of sad today.? After a rough few days following a botched procedure, the amazing Joan Rivers has died today.
In honor of her passing, the least E! could do is ban all Kardashian shows for at least 48 hours and just air The Fashion Police nonstop.? I could deal with Giuliana Rancic’s annoying voice just to see Rivers in all her bitchy glory.
After 8 years of hosting Chelsea Lately on the E! Network, Chelsea Handler has decided to leave at the end of the year when her contract is up.? This really isn’t a huge a surprise since Handler hasn’t really been hiding her contempt of them lately.
It’s hard to pretend you’re happy working for the?jerks who brought us all the Kardashians, even if you are making millions of?dollars a year, unless you are Ryan Seacrest.? I guess once you stop banging the president of the network, you lose that loyalty feeling to the people who basically gave you all your fame.
Aw Jeah!? E! just put out its first full trailer for the new reality show staring Ryan Lochte, creatively?titled “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?”?and I already feel dirtier (and dumber)?just watching it.
What would a juiced up, overconfident, naive, idiot do? Dude has pre-ejaculate written all over his forehead.? This kid is probably the worst lay of the century.??Oh, you’re “fratty as fuck”?? Excuse me while I undress myself and let your bro-cologne waft over me.?
Do the 18″ spinning rims on your lawn mower get rain-spotted because you don’t have any kind of a structure to keep it in? Is your rake plated in gold but you’d never know it because it got lost under a pile of leaves last fall due to piss poor tool organisation? Whenever you’re in the Home Depot do you think your experience would be better if only the air was a touch more skunky?
Well have we got good news for you – You may be able to solve all those issues soon with the help of Snoop Doggy Dogg. He’s selling his old garden shed on eBay. That’s right, on eBay – so someone like you can help keep up hip hop’s proud tradition of extremely precise lawn care.
Pamela Anderson's life is so crazy it should be a sitcom – a really quite poor sitcom about a woman with underdeveloped emotional maturity and quite a lot of hepatitis.
However, Pamela Anderson is too classy to turn her life into a sitcom. So that's why she's decided to turn it into a reality show for E! instead.
But don't expect Pamela to be a tawdry, tell-all delve into Pamela Anderson's personal life – it's apparently going to be a docu-style series that won't feature any of Pamela Anderson's children. It probably won't feature any of her love interests either, because the near-constant meet/marry/pregnancy scare/divorce cycle Pamela Anderson pounds through on an almost monthly basis will just leave viewers disorientated and confused.
Ever wondered what it's like being Denise Richards?
No, us neither. Not at all. In fact, sometimes entire calendar months pass when we don't even think of Denise Richards, let alone wonder what it'd be like to actually be her. We've got plenty more important things to wonder about than that.
But tough shit, because Denise Richards has formally announced that she's making a reality TV show about herself with the express intention of showing everyone what it's like to be Denise Richards. The show won't be broadcast until the summer, but we can already guess what it's like to be Denise Richards – pretty much like being any other idiot, but with better tits.
