dying - HecklerSpray

Do You Want To See Some Distressing Pictures Of Macaulay Culkin?

February 10th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

You may remember him from Home Alone and Uncle Buck, but there’s much more to?Macaulay Culkin than those two films. Actually, now you mention it, there isn’t. That’s all he’s ever done. Ever.?

Okay, that’s not really true either.

The other thing Culkin is famed for is the fact he had the temerity to grow older and develop into an increasingly less-cute thing on its hind legs. He basically went from adorable and annoying, to forgettable and hideous. HOWEVER! He’s back in the news and people are pointing at his cheek bones and gurgling at how appallingly thin he is… and yes, we’ve got the pictures.

BBC To Kill Someone Live On TV… Or Something

April 27th, 2011 By Kris Silver

The BBC isn't really known for being too daring with its programming. After all, that's not really what dear old Auntie is about, is it? The Beeb is there to provide us with banal, safe and somewhat beige programming like My Family or Songs of Praise.

Although there is the odd foray into the risqu?, which takes the form of some tripe that's written by Susan Nickson of Two Pints of Lager & A Packet of Crisps/Grown Ups/Coming of Age fame. You know, those shows that are so bad that even the trailers aren't funny.

But the BBC has taken the brave choice of broadcasting someone?s death on national television.

Michael Jackson Wheezes Something About His Lungs Being OK

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Everyone can calm down now, the panic’s over – Michael Jackson’s lungs aren’t disgusting scab-covered peanuts after all.

Yes, we know there was a report yesterday claiming that Michael Jackson needed a lung transplant because he suffers from a potentially fatal genetic condition that has also destroyed his eyesight, but Michael Jackson is adamant that it’s untrue.

And if anyone says that Michael Jackson has a set of knackered lungs and rubbish vision, then he’ll hunt you down like a dog. But only if it’s in a well-lit environment. And it shouldn’t involve any running, either – he wears out easily, you know.

Paul Newman to ‘Die at Home’, Has ‘Weeks to Live’

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

It may well be out of character for hecklerspray to be genuine twice in a day, but Paul Newman is a better reason than any to break with tradition.

The 83-year-old has reportedly been told he has weeks to live following chemotherapy treatment for lung cancer and, when confronted with the news, he told doctors he wanted to die at home.

Just as he has proven time and time again through his long life, Paul Newman is nothing less than a man’s man – dictating where death is allowed to get its slimy mitts on him.

While we did all hope that Newman would crack a pool cue over cancer’s back, it would appear that the insidious little bastard of a disease has managed to one-up Butch Cassidy.

While we hope to God, Allah, Buddah, Xenu and everyone else in-between that the reports are as inaccurate as the ones saying Bernie Mac was healthy, recent images of Newman have left us with little hope, showing the legend looking weak and frail – a shell of the man we at hecklerspray have a real love for.

Bernie Mac Not Dead. May Be Dying. Probably Not Though.

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

There are some ‘are they-aren’t they?’ games that we prefer not to play, as they’re simply not as much fun as they should be.

Assuming that Angelina Jolie has had herself some kids is one version of the game we’re more than willing to play. Even when it’s as clearly wrong as some people can be. That’s almost fun, if you’re into that kind of thing.

But a new take on the game seems to have been popping up over the course of the year – first we had Patrick Swayze and his cancer that was definitely going to kill him within weeks, then it didn’t, leaving the public confused and Swayze looking healthier than ever. Now it’s the turn of Bernie “I took over from Bill Murray in Charlie’s Angels” Mac to keep the press and public frantically guessing as to whether he’s actually alive, dying or dead.

Frankly, it’s quite a morbid game and we don’t want to play much.

Amy Winehouse Might Die Of The Lurgy Or Something

March 24th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Amy Winehouse used to be a healthy, fit women, whose only ghastly features were the tattoos that made her look like some sort of burly transvestite sailor.

However, heavy drinking and smoking have alarmingly made her thinner, sicker and a bit more violent. Oh, and there’s the drugs. You can’t forget about the drugs.

Anyway, all of this combined might be about to kill her, her Dad says. Who’d have guessed?