Supposedly there to promote Kung Fu Panda, Angelina Jolie has actually ended up having to sit in a room with her co-stars and listen to them carping on about all the secrets of her pregnancy. First Jack Black accidentally confirmed that Angelina Jolie was pregnant with twins, and now Dustin Hoffman has apparently revealed that her babies are due to be born on August 19.

But that’s nothing, because Angelina’s other Kung Fu Panda co-star Jackie Chan refuses to be outdone – and you’ll discover why just as soon as he’s finished bronzing his 30ft papier mache representation of what the inside of Angelina Jolie’s dilating cervix looks like.

Privacy has always been of the utmost importance to Angelina Jolie. It’s this need for privacy that made her continually deny that she was having it off with Brad Pitt when everyone knew she was, and it’s also the reason why she’ll get the secret service on your ass if you ever tinker with her photos.

But it’s Angelina Jolie’s children who are the most fiercely protected. Angelina Jolie wants their upbringing to be as normal as possible, which is why she gives them regular-joe names like Zahara and Pax Thien and keeps them shielded from view at all times except for when she needs them for multimillion dollar magazine cover photos.

So imagine how rubbish Angelina Jolie must have felt earlier this week when Jack Black accidentally revealed that Angelina Jolie was having twins to the four sensory-deprived Eskimos who didn’t already know that Angelina was pregnant with twins, forcing an awkward confirmation out of Angelina.

And if that’s not bad enough, Angelina Jolie’s other Kung Fu Panda co-star Dustin Hoffman has apparently tried to trump Jack Black by revealing the exact day that her twins will wriggle out of her bum, or however childbirth works. People reports:

Apparently one of the most-discussed topics at this year’s Cannes Film Festival is Angelina Jolie’s pregnancy… Fellow costar Dustin Hoffman revealed her due date as Aug. 19 – and the Today show passed along the news Thursday morning – but it’s more likely that Jolie will give birth prior… “I’m very happy,” said Jolie, 33, according to Today. “Unlike most women, I love being pregnant.”

Yeah, screw you most women! Not only is Angelina Jolie prettier and richer than you with a better-looking boyfriend and a cavalcade of noble humanitarian pursuits, but she also loves being pregnant. You? You just sit around watching Jeremy Kyle and complaining that you’ve got tit-ache. Shame on you all!

Anyway, as People said, we shouldn’t take Dustin Hoffman’s proclamation of Angelina Jolie’s due date as gospel. Chances are he was just lightly satirising the media’s prolific hunger for information about celebrities’ private lives. And it’s this razor-sharp wit and lightness of touch that made Hoffman’s Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium such a golden box office smash. Ahem.

Read more:

Angelina Jolie’s Summer Baby Plans – People