Posts tagged as:

DUI

Mischa Barton Charged With Being A Stinking Hippy

by Stuart Heritage

Mischa Barton isn’t just that one-time partly famous actress who was in The OC and nothing else at all after that, like you think she is.

No. Because Mischa Barton is also a criminal. That’s right – a criminal just like Al Capone and Lil’ Kim.

Mischa Barton has just been charged with DUI, driving without a license and pot possession following her arrest just after Christmas. That’s bad enough for Mischa Barton, but just imagine how poor Hayden Panettiere feels being the only skinny attention-seeking celebrity not to be charged with driving like some sort of impaired dickwad. Don’t worry Hayden! We’re on our way! And we’re bringing the elephant tranquilisers! You will not be left behind!

12 comments Read more >>>

Paris Hilton’s Brother Gets A DUI Just Like She Did

by hecklerspray staff

You know, we really haven’t seen enough DUI busts for our liking for the new year. Sure, we had a good run in the past with Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kiefer Sutherland, Busta Rhymes, the entire cast and most of the crew of Lost…

Honestly, we didn’t think there was anyone left to get a DUI. But we were wrong. Turns out you just have to look to the siblings of other busted drunkards. Like Paris Hilton’s little brother, Barron Hilton, who has gone and gotten himself a DUI.

Oh, and he one upped his sister’s DUI with a fake license. Ha! Take that, Paris.

6 comments Read more >>>

Kiefer Sutherland Finally Out Of Jail

by Stuart Heritage

When a celebrity goes to jail, they tend to only spend about a tenth of a single traumatic nanosecond banged up – but not Kiefer Sutherland.

Kiefer Sutherland was released from jail just a few hours ago, having served all 48 of his 48-day sentence for DUI. And, now he’s out, Kiefer Sutherland gets to wear his ‘full sentence served’ badge like a war medal around his prematurely-released ex-con celebrity counterparts.

Obviously the only celebrity other than Kiefer Sutherland to serve their full sentence recently was Paris Hilton. We think this means that Kiefer will end up painted gold in a desert for a canned champagne advert soon or something.

3 comments Read more >>>

Kiefer Sutherland Banged Up

by Stuart Heritage

Dear stereotypical Islamic terrorists, you might want to think about launching a harebrained, not entirely convincing terrorist attack on Los Angeles sometime within the next 48 days.

Why? Because it’s literally the only chance you’ll have of doing it without Jack Bauer chasing you, shooting you, kicking you out of the back of trains and never ever urinating not even once. That’s right – Kiefer Sutherland is in jail. Yesterday Kiefer Sutherland was sentenced to 48 days in jail following his DUI arrest earlier this year, and then immediately started his sentence. And, unlike Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie, Kiefer Sutherland is expected to complete his jail sentence in full, something that Kiefer would have probably avoided if he’d thought to release an ill-judged pop CD, star in a terrible reality TV show or go without underwear when getting out of cars now and then.

Dear stereotypical Islamic terrorists, you might want to think about launching a harebrained, not entirely convincing terrorist attack on Los Angeles sometime within the next 48 days. Why? Because it's literally the only chance you'll have of doing it without Jack Bauer chasing you, shooting you, kicking you out of the back of trains and never ever urinating not even once. That's right - Kiefer Sutherland is in jail. Yesterday Kiefer Sutherland was sentenced to 48 days in jail following his DUI arrest earlier this year, and then immediately started his sentence. And, unlike Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie, Kiefer Sutherland is expected to complete his jail sentence in full, something that Kiefer would have probably avoided if he'd thought to release an ill-judged pop CD, star in a terrible reality TV show or go without underwear when getting out of cars now and then.
1 comment Read more >>>

Scott Weiland Denies Driving All Drug-Buggered

by Stuart Heritage

Celebrity DUI arrests have been all the go this year – but now that Velvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland has got one, we can officially declare the trend dead.

It’s been reported that Scott Weiland – a man whose love of drugs has seen him imprisoned in the past – has been arrested after he crashed his car in Los Angeles, refused to give a blood or urine sample and then acted all impaired. Luckily nobody was hurt in the November 21 crash. Well, we say luckily, but you’d have to be a gigantic fan of badly-dated American stadium widdly-woo rawk not to be slightly bummed out that a shard of windscreen didn’t fly off and damage Scott Weiland’s vocal chords, at least temporarily.

0 comments Read more >>>

Donda West’s Doctor: Mr Malpractice

by Stuart Heritage

Now that the death of Kanye West’s mother Donda West is starting to sink in, the time for blaming people can begin in earnest – and that’s not such good news for Dr Jan Adams.

With all signs currently suggesting that Donda West died from complications arising from a simple tummy-tuck procedure, it seems as if Jan Adams – the surgeon who operated on Donda West – would be the natural choice to bear the brunt of the blame. But remember that Donda apparently had a pre-existing medical condition, and that no surgical procedure is ever routine, so it’s unfair to lay her death at the surgeon’s feet so early on. What’s that? Dr Jan Adams has a history of malpractice suits and a medical board tried to revoke his license because he kept getting arrested for DUI? Well in that case it’s perfectly fine to blame him.

Plus Jan Adams hosted NBC’s male version of The View. The bastard!

Now that the death of Kanye West's mother Donda West is starting to sink in, the time for blaming people can begin in earnest - and that's not such good news for Dr Jan Adams. With all signs currently suggesting that Donda West died from complications arising from a simple tummy-tuck procedure, it seems as if Jan Adams - the surgeon who operated on Donda West - would be the natural choice to bear the brunt of the blame. But remember that Donda apparently had a pre-existing medical condition, and that no surgical procedure is ever routine, so it's unfair to lay her death at the surgeon's feet so early on. What's that? Dr Jan Adams has a history of malpractice suits and a medical board tried to revoke his license because he kept getting arrested for DUI? Well in that case it's perfectly fine to blame him. Plus Jan Adams hosted NBC's male version of The View. The bastard!
1 comment Read more >>>

Next Entries →