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Remember Heather Locklear? Everyone used to fancy her in the olden days didn’t they? She was the muse for many a 90s teen masturbation and, boy howdy, she was the archetypal neutron blonde.
Alas, image is always temporary and as her vanity stood firm in the face of sliding features, she looked like she was losing her mind.
And to back that up, she was taken to the hospital yesterday after a 911 call was placed from her home. Is it drugs? It’s usually drugs isn’t it?
Flo Rida, who accurately pointed out that Alexandra Burke only sings the crooked letters from the alphabet, is doing what a good rapper should and getting his skull-sized pectoral muscles into trouble with the law.
The hip-pop star, who has a voice like a pained mule being assaulted with an accordion, is getting his expensive jewellery felt-up by the long arm of the law after he decided to have a few ales and then climb into his Austin Montego for a nice drive.
Yep. Flo Rida, real name Florence and the Machine Rider, has been charged with drink driving after he was arrested in Miami.
Estella Warren may not be a household name exactly, but some of you may recognise her from Planet Of The Apes and the fact she used to get her busters out as a Victoria’s Secret model. We’re not especially interested in that – we’re more thrilled about her law breaking skills.
The professional thong-occupier is in all kindsa trouble with the law after she went nutso while completely plastered!
She was arrested in Los Angeles under suspicion of driving under the influence. How did anyone know she was off her bap? There’s the small matter of (allegedly) crashing into three parked cars in her Toyota Prius. She then drove away from the scene thinking that no-one would notice. But they did. And that’s when the real fun started!
It is just swell when actors turn into their characters. In the case of Jaime Pressly, she’s only gone and turned into Joy from My Name Is Earl. That doesn’t mean she’s started having sex with a turtle obsessive, but rather, she’s bumbling around the line of the law and getting her bra-strap felt by the long arm of the law.
That’s right, Jaime may well be frantically asking her husband – entertainment lawyer Simran Singh – for some legal advice right now.
That’s because she’s been arrested on suspicion of drunk driving.
There’s nothing that Sam Shepard can’t do – he’s a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, a playwright and a movie star.
Oh, and a boozy tit. Allegedly. Sam Shepard – from films like Black Hawk Down and Baby Boom – has been arrested on suspicion of speeding and driving drunk in Illinois. And that’s more or less all there is to the story.
Except that Sam Shepard now has something else to put on his CV alongside acting, directing, being a prize-winning writer and getting arrested on suspicion of DUI – his mugshots also make him look like Gordon Ramsay‘s homeless uncle. That’s something to be proud of.
Heather Locklear must have been thrilled when she was arrested for DUI – at least it distracted everyone from all her horrible sitcoms.
But now, possibly, Heather Locklear might just be starting to regret allegedly getting hammered on prescription medication and then parking her car in the middle of a state highway in floods of tears in September and then having a mugshot taken that makes her look a bit like a emotionally-sensitive panda being forced to watch the 2 Girls 1 Cup video.
And that’s because Heather Locklear has just been officially charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence of legally prescribed drugs. Who knew that Heather Locklear possibly had an addiction to prescription drugs? We’d have thought that her existing addictions – to making cacky TV shows and marrying idiots from crappy bands that only morons like – would have been enough for anyone.
Older readers, if they cast their minds right back, may remember a time when Lindsay Lohan was, you know, interesting.
Really interesting, too – there wasn’t any of this ‘occasional blogging about her implied lesbianism’ malarkey going on back then. Because, back then, Lindsay Lohan could hardly go a day without getting hammered on one substance or another and driving around all over the place like a cackling bug-eyed lunatic until she was arrested. It was fun.
But if you can’t remember that, you soon will – because some peripheral characters from one of these bug-eyed driving encounters have decided to sue Lindsay Lohan for causing them ‘surprise, shock, fear and panic’. Well, hey, we’ve seen the trailer for I Know Who Killed Me – and if fear and panic are legitimate reasons for suing Lindsay Lohan, then we’ll just go and put a downpayment on that hillside mansion right now.
When Heather Locklear got arrested for DUI on Saturday, we thought we knew what we’d see – a funny mugshot, a fine and stint in rehab.
But that’d be the easy way. Instead the Heather Locklear arrest story has chosen to get really weird. And it’s all the paparazzi’s fault.
Remember the good Samaritan who alerted the police to Heather Locklear’s erratic driving? Turns out she owns a paparazzi agency and managed to sell photos of Heather Locklear being arrested to TMZ for $27,000. So does that affect her credibility as a witness? Was she really just being a concerned citizen? Why’s Heather Locklear famous again? What was the date of the first Spanish Armada? Who are you? Why do our legs hurt so much?
