10 - Killing The Cheeky Girls: The Motion Picture – Filmon

9 - A human child getting hauled around by a robot child. ‘Creepy’ doesn’t even come close – Geekologie

8 - Synthetic eyelids. Delicious - SlantedScience

7 - Since this is the internet, here are some videos of kids being better than you at stuff – Asylum

6 – Amy Winehouse self-tans, inexplicably ends up looking worse than ever – Amygrindhouse

5 - Susan Boyle receives no Brit Award nominations, possibly because of the ancient law stating that Duffy must be the weirdest-looking person at any awards shows she ever attends – Watchwithmothers

4 – Golden globes at the Golden Globes, AKA HOLY CRAP MARIAH, PUT THEM AWAY FOR ONCE - PopEater

3 – Our Chris Laverty dissects Robin Hood‘s outfit with enviable panache - Clothesonfilm

2 - Apparently tornado beats train – YouTube

1 - This is just like that Oldboy scene, only Turkish and real…

This week’s right and wrong.

Folded:

• Daniel by Bat for Lashes (a bit Fleetwood Maccy, but who can honestly say that’s a bad thing?)
• Canvas prints (can’t afford real art? Buy pop art prints of famous celebrities and pretend you live in a gift shop)
• Getting a new car (it smells great and doesn’t roll back when parked)
• BBC2 showing The Wire, every weekday, in its entirety (good for them)
• This actress (from a movie that is far funnier than it should be)

Creased:

• Magazine tribute issues (stop reading them. Nobody’s ever going to give a crap enough to do one for you)
• Duffy’s voice on that Diet Coke ad (what is she, like, nine?)
• Getting a new car (it breaks down at the lights and everybody laughs)
• Matt Horne (apparently a right knob end, exhausted or not)
• W. on DVD (Oliver Stone, your career is officially over)

Here, have a guest blog by Josh from Interestment…

There was a time, probably in the 1980s and 1990s, when having a celebrity girlfriend would make you the coolest guy in the world.

After all, look at famous people – they’re so wealthy, so demure, their hair is so light and feathery. And how about the way they smell! Is that Chanel No 5? Probably, we wouldn’t know, because we’re just rubbish normal people. We wear Lynx.

What great days, but unfortunately times have changed, and the lines between famous people and normal people have now completely blurred, meaning that even former pop stars like Kerry Katona can date cab drivers, and all the money in the world can’t possibly help that poor sneery one from Girls Aloud. With that in mind, we thought we’d outline some famous people we wouldn’t go out with, even if they were really really keen on us…

1. Duffy


Sorry Duffy, but it’s a no. It’s hard to correctly locate what it is about Duffy that makes her so unappealing as a life partner. It could be that she appears to be lying about her age. Or it could be that she has the look of a woman who would spend entire evenings clinging onto you for dear life, only occasionally pausing to weep because you went to the toilet for three minutes and she thought you might have left her. A friend of ours also insists that she looks like she’d have really bad morning breath… all day.

2. Sarah Harding

Afraid not, Sarah Harding. Far too laddy, were you to introduce her to your friends, she’d insist in calling everyone ‘geezer’, and might even think it’s alright to break wind in front of you. After only a couple of meetings, even your most loyal friends would make excuses if they knew Harding was going to be out as well. A very very annoying young woman/man.

3. Jennifer Aniston

Please, Aniston, no is no. If only Jennifer Aniston hadn’t been caught draped alarmingly over Brad Pitt, with the look in her eye of a protective lioness guarding her young. Chances are, were you ever to get together, she’d have a wire tap on your phone within a month, and strange men in shades talking into their lapels following your every move. It’s all out of love, she’d tell you, driving a bread knife right into your lungs. Avoid.

4. Britney Spears

Just leave it, Spears. No one in their right mind could possibly be drawn to Britney, once such a kindly, virginal young woman. Her descent into complete insanity has been well documented, meaning that every time you introduced her to someone new, you’d have to take them to one side to explain that she’s really fine now, quite together actually. Oh, and surprisingly funny… yeah, really funny. Unfortunately, not one of those things would be true. Too nuts.

This has been  guest blog by Josh Burt from the plain wonderful Interestment. If you don’t go and read it this second, you’re a fool.

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The Brit awards exist to recognise excellence in British music. Or at least it usually does – last night it couldn’t be bothered and just gave a load of prizes to Duffy instead.

That’s right. Duffy. Duffy who your mum likes. Duffy who sings like a baby goat stuck in a cattle grid. Duffy who looks like she’d burst into tears if you showed her a sad kitten. Duffy won three Brit awards last night, roughly six more than she deserves. But still, it’s not like Iron Maiden won anything, is it?

What? Iron Maiden did win something? God. We’re doomed.

If you missed the Brit awards last night you’d do well to keep quiet about it, because we didn’t and it was such a horrific waste of two hours that we’d seriously consider chopping the top of your head off in your sleep and swapping brains with you if it meant we’d forget it.

Because, let’s not mess around here, the Brits were bad last night. Worst in living memory bad. Everything about last night’s Brits was wrong. The barely-there hosts. The set (really, whose idea was it to make the winners go on a five-mile hike just to get to the podium?). All the cutaway shots of bored-looking bald men in suits. The winners. Everything.

In fact, to keep us from getting so angry that we accidentally crap out one of our kidneys, we’re just going to bulletpoint some of the more memorable moments from last night’s Brits for you and have done with it:

* U2 performing their new song as the lyrics flashed up behind them like they were too deeply profound to go ignored. They aren’t profound. It’s a song about some shoes.

* Incidentally, we promise never to mock Bono for his sunglasses again if he promises to never take them off again. Seriously, the man looks like Gollum’s malformed twin.

* Duffy winning Best British Female.

* Duffy accepting the award by saying “Best British Female? I don’t know what that means.” She’s a clever one, that Duffy.

* Coldplay still not realising that shouting “OK!” before every line of every song they perform makes them all look like wankers.

* Duffy winning Best British Breakthrough.

* Girls Aloud‘s artfully-staged ‘nude’ performance being wrecked by all the cameras clumsily picking up the straps of their dresses.

* Duffy winning Best British Album.

* Take That miming from an actual spaceship just to annoy Robbie Williams.

* Duffy winning Best Jumped-Up Working Mens’ Club Cabaret Act.

* Paul Weller winning Best British Male purely because there was nobody else to give it to.

* Duffy winning Most Marketable Amy Winehouse Substitute Who Probably Won’t Take All The Drugs Or Punch Paying Fans In The Face.

* Iron Maiden winning Best Live Act, followed by the swift realisation that Radio 2 listeners should never be allowed to vote for anything ever again.

* Duffy winning Best Sustained Impersonation Of Uni From The 1980s Dungeons And Dragons Cartoon.

That is all. Try harder next year, please.

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