Posts tagged as:

drunk

Goodbye Charlie Sheen – You Are Dead To Us Now

by Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen, we barely knew ye. You were fun while it lasted, but alas, you can now slope off to the obscurity from whence you came because, the long and the short of it is, we’ve heard that you’re now “absolutely” sober. We officially don’t care. When we look at your list of achievements, not [...]

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Nic Cage Woken By Naked Stranger On His Bed Brandishing Fudge

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! It’s Nicolas Cage! He’s the most aspirational man alive! Why? Because if someone with as scant ability like Nic can sustain a lengthy career in Hollywood, then you boy, are able to achieve absolutely anything you put your mind to. However, you might need a night terror or two to get you there. See, [...]

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Heavy Metal Cocktails!

by Mof Gimmers

Oi! Reprobates! You look like a bunch of degenerates that look like you use booze as a crutch to get you through your despairingly dreadful life! Chances are, you’re one of those ‘heavy metal sorts’ who bangs your giant, hairy head to deeply unfashionable music without a care in the world. Metallica, Slayer and all [...]

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Matthew Fox From Lost Apparently Punches A Woman Bus Driver Up Her Doo-Dah

by Mof Gimmers

Matthew Fox – that guy from Lost and the impossibly insipid Party Of Five – has been accused of assaulting a female bus driver. We’re shocked too. We didn’t know women were allowed to get behind the steering wheel of such a large vehicle. The actor (usually paid to look like he cares) has been [...]

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Charlie Sheen Takes Ex On Holiday Because Everyone Else Can’t Stand The Sight Of Them

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! What do you do when everyone’s stopped mockingly humouring you? If you’re Charlie Sheen, you continue babbling your gitspeak and start hanging around your ex and her crackpipe like that was the plan all along. See, after trying to start some daft Shangri La, where he had two girlfriends at the same time (or [...]

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GaGa To Play Amy Winehouse In TV Biopic? (Did We Dream This Headline?)

by Mof Gimmers

Amy Winehouse hasn’t been dead a month and already, we’re painted into a corner, forced to make light of it all. We kinda wanted to be respectful for a little longer but alas, the world works in such a way that we’re now required to mercilessly tear her death a new one. See, despite the [...]

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Pussy Juggalos Throw Like Girls As Charlie Sheen Avoids Missiles At Make-up Gathering [Video]

by Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen keeps saying the word ‘winning’. Sadly for him, he isn’t and the word has now lost all meaning. He’s no longer a particular figure of fun, but rather, a sad man self-harming in public. That’s not to say we shouldn’t berate him for no good reason. It’s not our fault he’s sick in [...]

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Green Day Quick Off The Mark With Amy Winehouse Tribute Song [Audio]

by Mof Gimmers

Green Day are one of those grotty bands that people love hating. They’re derivative as hell and sell out huge jumbodomes, grinding the gears of everyone who likes supposedly more adventurous bands. Of course, this is hilarious to your average Green Day devotee. While you mew about innovation and Liking The Real Thing From ’76, [...]

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Blake Fielder-Civil Plans To Make Money From Amy Winehouse’s Corpse

by Mof Gimmers

You’d have to have a heart of coal to not care a jot about the passing of Amy Winehouse. That, or you’re indulging in an exercise in nose-pulling by saying cruel things for the sake of it, just to wind everyone up. What kind of scumbag would do that sort of thing, eh? Still, while [...]

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Charlie Sheen Is Getting Killed And Not Suing The Woman He Made Cry In A Cupboard

by Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen may be duller than ditchwater these days, but it hasn’t always been like that. In fairness, it has mostly been like that, but there was that glorious month when he completely lost his mind and we all laughed at him. It all started getting good when he KOed a chandelier in a hotel [...]

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