Posts tagged as:

drunk

Kristen Stewarts Hints That Her Boyfriend Might Be The Boring As Hell Robert Pattinson

by Mof Gimmers

Are we about to enter a glorious period in human history where we actually find out who Kristen Stewart has been swapping bodily fluids with?! Even though we all assumed it was Robert Pattinson?! HAVE YOU MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE? For those now propping their eyelids up with matchsticks, you’ll be fizzing at the gusset [...]

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Bruno Mars To Ensure That Twilight Breaking Dawn Will Be Most Hateful Film Ever Made

by Mof Gimmers

What’s worse than faux-broody simpering glittercock vampires? Bruno Mars, that’s what. He’s far, far worse. He’s magnolia emulsion personified. He’s about four inches tall with three feet of hair and has answered the question nobody wanted answering: Who is the next Jack Johnson? And thanks to fate being more cruel than a clone army of [...]

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Robert Pattinson Won’t Be Making Our Ears Endure His Music, Mercifully

by Mof Gimmers

So-boring-that-the-concept-of-time-slows-around-his-tedious-frame Robert Pattinson, is a man loved by those who like to stare into the void. His hollow face exudes an air of nothingness, not seen since we got into a staring competition in a morgue. Such is Pattz baffling popularity, there’s people who hang on his every yawn. No matter what he does, there’ll [...]

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Goodbye Charlie Sheen – You Are Dead To Us Now

by Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen, we barely knew ye. You were fun while it lasted, but alas, you can now slope off to the obscurity from whence you came because, the long and the short of it is, we’ve heard that you’re now “absolutely” sober. We officially don’t care. When we look at your list of achievements, not [...]

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Nic Cage Woken By Naked Stranger On His Bed Brandishing Fudge

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! It’s Nicolas Cage! He’s the most aspirational man alive! Why? Because if someone with as scant ability like Nic can sustain a lengthy career in Hollywood, then you boy, are able to achieve absolutely anything you put your mind to. However, you might need a night terror or two to get you there. See, [...]

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Heavy Metal Cocktails!

by Mof Gimmers

Oi! Reprobates! You look like a bunch of degenerates that look like you use booze as a crutch to get you through your despairingly dreadful life! Chances are, you’re one of those ‘heavy metal sorts’ who bangs your giant, hairy head to deeply unfashionable music without a care in the world. Metallica, Slayer and all [...]

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Matthew Fox From Lost Apparently Punches A Woman Bus Driver Up Her Doo-Dah

by Mof Gimmers

Matthew Fox – that guy from Lost and the impossibly insipid Party Of Five – has been accused of assaulting a female bus driver. We’re shocked too. We didn’t know women were allowed to get behind the steering wheel of such a large vehicle. The actor (usually paid to look like he cares) has been [...]

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Charlie Sheen Takes Ex On Holiday Because Everyone Else Can’t Stand The Sight Of Them

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! What do you do when everyone’s stopped mockingly humouring you? If you’re Charlie Sheen, you continue babbling your gitspeak and start hanging around your ex and her crackpipe like that was the plan all along. See, after trying to start some daft Shangri La, where he had two girlfriends at the same time (or [...]

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GaGa To Play Amy Winehouse In TV Biopic? (Did We Dream This Headline?)

by Mof Gimmers

Amy Winehouse hasn’t been dead a month and already, we’re painted into a corner, forced to make light of it all. We kinda wanted to be respectful for a little longer but alas, the world works in such a way that we’re now required to mercilessly tear her death a new one. See, despite the [...]

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Pussy Juggalos Throw Like Girls As Charlie Sheen Avoids Missiles At Make-up Gathering [Video]

by Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen keeps saying the word ‘winning’. Sadly for him, he isn’t and the word has now lost all meaning. He’s no longer a particular figure of fun, but rather, a sad man self-harming in public. That’s not to say we shouldn’t berate him for no good reason. It’s not our fault he’s sick in [...]

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