People say that Shia LaBeouf should stay away from cars, but really they just mean the movie Transformers.

Because, really, Transformers was pants. But, anyway, now Shia LaBeouf really does have to keep away from cars – he’s had his driving licence suspended for a year following that crash of his last summer.

But just because Shia LaBeouf faces a year without driving a car, it’s no great loss – he’s just as skilled at riding motorcycles and swinging around on monkey vines and being carried by big ants and however else he travelled around in that bloody awful Indiana Jones film.

Despite being named after the noise that the Back To The Future car made when its doors were opened and closed again, cars in general have given Shia LaBeouf nothing but misery in his life – and not just because he’s spent a great portion of his adult life running away from imaginary cars that turn into robots, talk like embarrassing white rappers and urinate on authority figures, although that is a big part of it.

No, the bulk of Shia LaBeouf’s automotive grief came last year when he flipped his pickup truck in the middle of the street. You may remember that Shia LaBeouf was not only arrested on suspicion of DUI following the crash, but he also crushed two of his fingers in the wreckage, dooming him to a life of only being able to pick his nose with an unfolded coat hanger and a toddler’s plastic bib or something. We’re not doctors.

However, Shia LaBeouf was never actually charged with DUI because it turns out that the crash wasn’t his fault. And that’s the end of the story. Or at least it would be if Shia LaBeouf hadn’t been an arsehole to the policemen at the scene of the crash and refused to take a breathalyzer test, because now he’s had his driving licence yoinked away for a year. E! Online reports:

“It was suspended for refusing a chemical test,” the official said, noting that even though LaBeouf was cleared of any DUI charges after it was determined that the other driver caused his smashup, the suspension was “automatic.” California law states that a person’s license can be suspended for up to one year if he/she refuses to take a blood, breath or urine test for a suspected DUI.

You see, Shia LaBeouf? For too long you’ve traded on nothing but your adorable face and your big puppy eyes to get you out of trouble. But you’re getting old now, and that crap won’t wash any more. Just look at when you tried to cute your way of trouble with that 1950s mindreading Soviet lady in the last Indiana Jones film. Boy oh boy Shia LaBeouf, if it wasn’t for your abnormally good skill on the monkey vines, you’d be toast right now! Sheesh!

No doubt Shia LaBeouf will claim that the DMV is being heavy-handed for removing his driving licence for a year because of his involvement in a crash that wasn’t even his fault. But we’d disagree. Chances are that the DMV heard those rumours about Shia LaBeouf being cast as Robin in Batman 3 and figured he’d be less likely to get the part if he wasn’t allowed near the Batmobile. And for that we’ll forever be in the DMV’s debt.

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